By Patricia Chan
“And you can aim for my heart, go for blood. But you would still miss me in your bones.”
The haunting screams that consume my mind still echo within my dreamscape. A graveyard of past regrets with the buried bodies still in the midst of decomposing finds me in my darkest hour.
The waking nightmare that I live in surrounds the ghastly atrocities of my blood-stained hands. The fumes of smoke, the spiny and wiry starved animals, the lifeless bodies now enshroud what I used to call home. The swallowing, burning sun engulfs my vision. The beams that it emits feel as if they are judging me for my unforgivable sin. The conflict that fills my lungs comes out in shaky breaths and screams, I cry out ‘til my throat gives in. I had to do it for humanity. But part of me can’t help from wondering did I lose my own in the process? The lingering smell of char and ash from the nukes that rained down on us like a meteor shower refuse to leave us. The never-ending devastation that these man-made monstrosities created leave its mark on innocent souls and towns. The clear blue sky of the past smeared with ghastly oranges and browns.
I drag my feet across the dried up, cracking ground. I hang my head down avoiding any glimpse of the walls we laughed together in. The walls stare at me with eyes like a gargoyle, the type that sees right through you.
“Do you remember the way the knife plunged into my chest forever splattering your pinkie-promised hands with our solemn-oathed blood?” It’s almost like I can still hear you talking to me. Mocking me. I’ve been deserted with myself, misery and a thousand dead bodies. A thousand taken lives, one of them lying there on the dogpile mountain because of me. That body who I made an oath by blood to, our blood became shared and coursed through both of our veins.
The stopping of the pulse must have failed my heart. Our once shared blood no longer flows through me. I’m an empty husk of self-loathing and burden. Not a single day goes by where I don’t think of joining you. But, I know I don’t deserve the easy way out. I continue my suffering and punishment seeking redemption.
I’ll never forget that night. The way your eyes filled with terror, anger, betrayal and sadness.
I thought what I was doing was right. I thought it would save us from this catastrophe. Instead I did just what they wanted. I was stupid to fall for their scheme. I’ve become a pawn in their game. A tainted puppet they can use to carry out despicable actions. They took you from me. No, it’s even worse than that. I took you from me. I killed us. I can’t even blame them. It was my fault for letting them brainwash me. Just like how they brainwashed thousands of others. The death toll grows more every hour, minute, second. We’ve all become enemies to each other. They’ve removed our ability to trust. This community turned wasteland. Transformed into a free-for-all. We’re all little mice to them. Lab rats that they’re free to exterminate when we no longer serve them. It’s too late to stop it now.
Author’s Notes:
Hi!. If you were wondering what the first line is from it’s ‘my tears ricochet’ by Taylor Swift.
I wanted to keep the story as faceless as possible, you’re free to create any image/portrayal of the characters you like. ‘I’, ‘you’, ‘them’ that’s all they’ll be. The rest is totally up to you! I’ve never written post-apocalyptic before. It was a nice challenge. I hope this was a decent take on the genre.
Thank you for taking your time to read and I hope you enjoyed it! - Patricia