MAY 2021

Moving into Summer

We are nearing the end of one of the most interesting and challenging school years to date! If you haven't already, take time to pause, reflect, and show yourself some love. We know that we couldn't have moved our students safely and successfully through this year without your support, commitment, and flexibility. We have so much to thank you for...truly we are grateful for your partnership.

As we move forward, we are committed to deepening our school-parent relationships and expanding our social-emotional supports for our students. This monthly newsletter was one way to offer strategies and support to our parents based on themes we were seeing with our students.

May is Mental Health Awareness Month, and we'd like to provide you with some of the resources your children have had access to this year. Perhaps you will find them useful during the summer months.

Mindful Monday Videos

Student Social Emotional Wellness Site

Virtual Calming Space

Please don't hesitate to reach out if we can be of support in the remaining few weeks of school. We sincerely hope you all have a wonderful, fun, and relaxing summer with your family and friends! Let the sun shine and the good times roll!

APRIL 2021

Optimism and Spring

During the long winter months and the stressful pandemic, many people made “lemonade from the lemons”. In other words, many of us pulled up our bootstraps and made the most out of a very difficult situation. We learned how small things really can matter, we learned how important family time is, we learned how to value social relationships, we learned how to work differently, we learned how to remain active/motivated while isolated from peers, family, co-workers. We learned how to appreciate each other. We can go on and on...but we have all learned something new during this journey, and now it is time to jump into spring with a renewed sense of hope and excitement.

Spring will bring a greater degree of freedom for many of us. We will begin to show additional moments of optimism, when before it was mostly gloom and doom. The simple routines will come back for more than one day. The bright sunshine in the morning will lift our spirits. The first pretty little spring flower poking up will bring smiles and joy. Waking up to the sounds of birds singing will energize our soul. Opening our windows to allow fresh, warm air in will make us take deep breaths and relax with a smile.

There are so many things to look forward to as we move into spring. We hope all of you can get outside and enjoy the here and now moments of a new season. Here are just a few reasons to get excited about spring and summer: hanging out in just a t-shirt and shorts, remembering to use sunscreen, listening to birds as they wake up in the early AM, the smell of fresh cut grass, going to outdoor ball fields, a morning walk as the sun peeks out, finding that first kite flying in the wind, planting a garden and maybe smiling when a rabbit is looking to feast off the sprouting carrots, listening for that first crack of thunder and catching that first lightning streak in the sky, watching kids of all ages playing in the park laughing and just having a good time. And finally, last but not least, not having to wear socks or layers!

We know we cannot provide an immediate fix on broader issues, but spring brings anticipation of a new beginning. It is up to us to really grab hold of that new beginning and enjoy everything it can offer. We really do believe that we owe it to ourselves and to each other to look towards spring as an opportunity to rejuvenate and reset our thinking on the future as a positive and exciting opportunity.

We hope you are able to enjoy the simple pleasures spring will bring!

MARCH 2021

Embracing Hope

March 13^th 2020 was the last day of “normal” school as we remember it for our students. We are coming upon the gloomy anniversary of the date when our lives were disrupted and flipped into an unimaginable time warp of isolation, quarantine, and lock down. Our vocabulary has since shifted to include words like social distancing, flatten the curve, sanitizer, unprecedented, asynchronous, Blursday, zoombombing, quaranteam, you’re on mute, the new normal, etc…Most of us reached our COVID saturation point long ago.

Yet now, almost a year later, many of our students are beginning to return to school for more in-person days, businesses are slowly reopening, and vaccination distribution is increasing. We are hopeful that COVID’s hold is beginning to diminish. So, let us take time this month to embrace the topic of HOPE.

Dr. Delaney Ruston, Screenagers filmmaker, primary care doctor, and mother of teenagers, writes in her January Screenagers Tech Talk Tuesdays post, “Is Hope Teachable?” We believe that it is! Cultivating hope is a key factor in improving and maintaining our students’ wellbeing and mental health.

Dr. Ruston references a program called Hopeful Minds developed by Kathryn Goetzke. This program is designed for school-aged kids to teach them about hope. Ms. Goetzke has some impressive and valuable tips for parents using relatable analogies while addressing hope and its impact on mental health.

Here is what Kathryn shared with Dr. Ruston:

“It was my own struggle with hopelessness, starting in the 6th grade, that got me interested in this topic. And now, with an incredible team of researchers, we have been teaching these skills to children. We have been teaching that a hope is not just a wish; hope takes action. There is a lot of science around "hopelessness and hope" that shows hope is a skill anyone can learn.

A study published in the Journal of Personality found that one’s level of hope predicts one’s future anxiety and depression level. Yet, one’s anxiety and depression does not predict future levels of hope. So no matter where one is from a mental health standpoint, there are ways to shift one’s emotional state. I practice my hope skills daily.

Hopelessness is a consequence of many adverse life experiences. These are critical times for focusing on what gives us hope for the future and not to get overcome by feelings of despair and helplessness, the two key ingredients of hopelessness.

Asking kids to create a definition of hope is a good place to start engaging them in ways to find hope. My team coaches them by explaining that it is both about feelings and action. The myth about hope is that it is just a wish, but actually, it is a combination of positive feelings and inspired action.

Part of teaching hope involves teaching youth about emotions. They like the analogy we use of the “upstairs/downstairs” brain. The downstairs brain, or reptilian brain, is where our fight or flight or freeze response lives, and anytime we are apt to go there when we get negatively triggered by something or someone. In this state, we feel anger, worry, frustration, or sadness. We teach our kids these are not ‘bad’ feelings, yet they often have a ‘negative’ charge, so if we act when we are feeling this way, we will likely go towards unhealthy things for ourselves or at times be hurtful towards others.

The upstairs brain is where we are creative, problem-solving, and inspired. Kids become very animated when they talk about how they can easily recognize when people they know are not in their “upstairs brain.”

After this discussion of the areas of the brain, we teach kids about the skill of being able to listen to what their feelings are saying but not immediately acting upon them. From this place of pausing, what can they do to get into their “upstairs brain?” Can they identify their “Happy Habits” These are things like singing, drawing, dancing, exercising, eating well, talking to friends, and more. These are things we need to work extra hard to practice during challenging times.

Another main aspect of the program is helping kids to move from a state of perceived helplessness to one of action, which involves their setting small, realistic goals. We help them identify a goal that could make them feel less helpless and then “chunk down” the goal. For example, say they are feeling sad because soccer got canceled. We help them identify a goal they could create even in the face of this disappointment. Maybe they want to still try and get better at the sport? What is one small action they can do this week? Maybe it’s just 5 minutes of bouncing a soccer ball on their knee. We explain how accomplishing this one small goal literally builds up the brain’s hope mindset.

Additionally, a big focus has to do with the idea of a strong “network for hope.” It is important every child (and adult) have at least one trusted person to talk to, especially in times of stress. We make sure kids identify these people, and if they can’t identify someone, the teacher can serve as that adult. It is so important to know where to go for support, especially in times of crisis.

A final example regarding fostering hope in kids has to do with reinforcing that “success” is so much about being on the journey of life and not only the destination. Often kids think they will be happy if…, yet we know that reaching goals bring only momentary satisfaction. So, we teach them about presence, and the practice of wonder and awe, to stay grounded.”

The Hopeful Minds curriculum is free and downloadable to anyone who wants to use it! The website houses many other resources for parents and youth, including a hope scale.

Questions to get the conversation started:

1. How would you define hope?

2. What makes you feel hopeful these days? Not hopeful?

3. What small goal can each of us think to do that might make us feel a bit more hopeful?

4. What is a way we can “chunk down” our goals?

5. Who comes up for you when you think of your “network for hope?”

(Screenagers, January 21, 2021)

FEBRUARY 2021

Managing Change

Over the past month and beyond, we have experienced a significant amount of change. We have experienced change within our educational system from in-person to virtual and back to in-person. We are experiencing change as we start semester two. We continue to experience change in our social lives and how we interact with our support systems in a socially safe and distant model. We are experiencing change with COVID and the start of vaccines. We are experiencing change in our nation’s leadership. Change occurs everyday and everywhere. “The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” ~ Socrates. What an empowering statement!

As parents and teachers, we want to support our students in coping with change and building resiliency. An article in Edutopia states the following 10 tips for parents and teachers (we have changed the description to encompass a whole being):

1. Invite them to talk about their feelings. Listen to whatever they say—to their anger and sadness and confusion. Validate their feelings and let them know that whatever they’re experiencing is OK. Let them lead the conversation. Meet your child at their level and within their perspective.

2. Help them see the elements of stability in their life and school. Help them identify who is available to support them, what activities they still participate in, and any other constant that is important to your child.

3. Assure kids that the foundations of their community and learning experience will be strong. Help your students see the creative ways the community and the school are supporting them. Make it a positive conversation about what is occurring versus what is not occurring/what is perceived as lost.

4. Make sure they don’t take the change personally. Kids tend to blame themselves when things go wrong. Make sure to emphasize that they are not responsible for the change and that, at times, we need to adapt our sails to the new environment.

5. Direct children to see what they can control. Unwelcome change makes people feel like they don’t have control over their lives. Ask your children, “What are you free to choose right now?” and they’ll be reminded of their own power.

6. Guide children to focus on a positive future and what might be possible a year from now. Help them imagine making new friends, forming strong connections with other adults, and finding joy and fulfillment at school and in the community. If there’s anything they can do to make these things happen (such as making new friends) guide them to do those things.

7. Allow a brief time for worry. Especially if you have a child who worries all the time, suggest a 15-minute time during the day when they allow themselves to worry (talk, draw, journal, etc). When they start worrying at other times, remind them that it isn’t their designated worry time.

8. Ask children: What really matters here? Help them see the big picture, gain perspective, and keep the change in proportion.

9. Help them connect with their own resilience, coping mechanisms, and energy. They have dealt with change and challenge before. Help them access those resources and remind them that they will get through this latest challenge.

10. Help them see their own resources for making changes that they desire. Help them think about how to be proactive about creating the kind of school and experience they want, even in the face of unwelcome change.

Naturally, change can cause feelings of anxiety. The unpredictability of time and the lack of transparency of expectations is difficult. But we can practice a “one day at a time” model and live in the present without regret from the past and fear of the future. Our children observe and model how we cope. Keep it positive. Keep it simple. Practice resiliency.

The full article can be found here.

JANUARY 2021

Listen and Connect

Happy New Year!!! We hope this newsletter finds everyone healthy and energized for a new year! For the past couple of months we have been focusing on the mental health of our students and that theme will continue as we move forward into the 2021 school year, and very soon, a new semester.

Some of our kiddos are really doing ok! And some are not ok and are struggling for valid reasons. As parents we might feel like at times we've hit our stride, but then are back again grappling to support our kids while maintaining our own responsibilities/stress/mental health. We acknowledge that there is no handbook on how to raise teenagers during a pandemic. It may sound really simple, but what we can all continue to do is to listen to our kids and be mindful that we are all in different places when it comes to making sense of our current reality.

We’d like to reference suggestions from Deborah Farmer Kris, a child psychology expert. Deborah works as a parenting columnist and consultant for PBS Kids. In her Mind/shift Education blog Listen and Connect: How Parents Can Support Teens’ Mental Health Right Now, she shares these thoughts:

1. Take Your Own Emotional Temperature- Our kids are watching us all the time as we all spend more time at home together in very confined spaces. How we handle situations can increase or decrease our kids stress/anxiety levels. Parents do not always have to pretend to be positive beacons, but we can talk about how we are feeling with our kids so that they might understand that sometimes life is like riding a roller coaster and even parents have highs and lows.

2. Check-in Without Interviewing- Our kids need us more than ever and we can be there for them without interviewing them all the time. Put a stop to “constantly interviewing” kids about what homework they have done/not done. We all share the frustration of what seems to be a unique year in learning. This can cause pressure at home. What we can do is step back and acknowledge this year is hard academically and emotionally. What we have learned in the past few months is that we can’t fix everything for our kids, but we can acknowledge their reality and listen to their feelings.

3. Meet Them Where They Are- Kids are reaching out in many different ways. As parents, we are struggling with an increased role in our child’s education as well as the pressures of meeting our families emotional and physical needs. We don’t always take the time to listen to what our kids are telling us. They are definitely communicating, but it might take on a different form. It might come out in frustration, it might sound snippy, it might sound disrespectful or it might be in the form of a question, “Do you want to go for a walk/play a video game?” In all of these situations, our kids are telling us something and we just need to take the time to listen and engage.

4. Listen Your Way Through Their Problems- Don’t feel like you need to solve everything. Be a sounding board, a calm presence who offers support. Be an empathetic listener and use adult language to support. Validate their emotions by saying “that sounds really hard” or “that must be frustrating” or “I feel for you”. Then ask, “Is this something you need help with right away or do you want just want me to listen? Or we can continue to talk about it and together we can try to problem solve?” Sometimes there is not an easy answer and that is “OK”, especially in a pandemic.

5. Drowning Does Not Build Resilience- More than ever we (parents) need to be the anchor for our kids. When our kids struggle, we should not leave them alone all the time to figure it out. Our kids feel more alone than ever because of the lack of interaction with friends/family and other community programs. We know that we all need each other and we want to help each other. Our kids need us to be there so they do not feel alone. Resilience can be built by adults being there through both good and bad experiences. Tough times require a stable adult or caregiver to be present. Remember that our kids brain’s are not fully developed until the age of 25 so to cope and problem solve 100% of the time is just not reasonable.

6. Practice Zooming Out and Finding Purpose- Sometimes we (as adults) tend to hyper focus on what we think really matters (test scores, grades, college entrance, etc...). But in a pandemic, maybe those things are not quite as important. What are some other things our kids can learn during this time: can they learn to play a positive role within the family, can they learn to help a younger sibling read or solve a math question, can they learn how to stay mentally and physically ready when spending more time at home, can they learn to help out someone who might need help? We need to help our kids think outside of themselves and beyond what they are missing and feeling. Let’s zoom out and help our kids find a new purpose.

7. Look for Small Pieces of Happiness- Think small instead of big. Hope and joy can be found in everyday experiences. Small things can energize us for many months. Maybe it is a new interest, a new skill, a new book, a new routine, a new connection. Pause and look around...let's recognize and absorb how our kids have endured and persevered in a pandemic. Together we can all move forward building on our everyday joys as we welcome a brighter tomorrow.

DECEMBER 2020

Managing COVID Stress Together

The New Three R’s: Relationships, Routines, and Resilience

Our students are experiencing more generalized stress due to COVID. According to Dr. Anne Gearity, Assistant Professor, Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at the U of MN,COVID feels like “Where’s Waldo” for our children. COVID could be anywhere/anyone and it is really difficult to identify. She stresses that even when situations like COVID cannot be controlled, connections and understanding can be strengthened. So, how do we manage through this together? Turnaround USA, an organization focused on supporting children impacted by trauma, proposes The New 3 R’s: Relationships, Routines, and Resilience as pillars to guide families and students through the trauma of the COVID pandemic.

RELATIONSHIPS: To be physically safe during COVID, we must distance ourselves from communities and groups that have been constant supports for us. This disrupts our social networks with family, friends, teachers, coaches, teammates, and other extracurricular connections. We are spending more time with our immediate family beyond what we have been conditioned to know and expect. Therefore, our families have been forced to change and adapt to these new conditions. Dr. Gearity reassures us that it is ok to commiserate together, insist that kindness matters, and have candid conversations about how we are feeling. “It’s ok to be just ok.” You might find yourself or your children needing more time alone. Quality time as a family matters, but so does our need for solitary time. You may notice your child(ren) spending more time on YouTube, gaming, or social media. These may be replacement mechanisms due to the lack of in person social connections with peers. Check in on what your child is engaging in on-line, show an interest, be curious. Pay attention to content versus time, and reinforce on-line safety practices that align with your family values and keep your child protected. Help your child build relationships through Google Meets by having the camera on. Teachers want to see their students, not just a blank box with a name. It is important for our social and emotional health to see each other’s eyes and facial expressions, even if it is virtually.

In terms of supporting academics, Dr. Gearity states, “If we protect them as learners, they will catch up.” The goal of on-line learning is for our students to continue to master learning, not content. Don’t fight over school. It is too damaging for relationships. Development, growth and change should be the primary focus. Our kids want to feel smart, connected and competent. We can be there to listen, support and reinforce that message.

ROUTINES: Our brains thrive on predictability and that predictability provides safety. Your child may ask, “When is this going to be over? When will COVID go away?” It is ok to say that you aren’t sure. However, follow up by talking about what you do know: “I know that Friday we are going to have pizza. I know that we are decorating the Christmas tree tonight. I know that our family does what we can to protect ourselves and be as safe as possible.”

Dr. Gearity also suggests that we find ways to mark time. Make a family schedule, build in time for movement/exercise, unstructured time/play, family meetings, and meal time. Talk about upcoming events and things to look forward to doing together. Schools can assist with supporting routines by following a consistent schedule, as well as incorporating social and emotional learning into courses. These routines and predictable activities ward off anxiety and help to maintain a sense of safety and security.

RESILIENCE: We all have an investment in this period of our lives, so we must approach it with collective resilience. Resiliency isn’t going it alone and trudging on. Rather, resilient kids realize that others can help. Our children are learning how to regulate their emotions and behaviors by observing the adults and how we respond to stressors. Turnaround USA suggests that we encourage teamwork, creative problem-solving, and healthy coping strategies. Resilient kids take ownership, have a plan and a desire to do something. Dr. Gearity emphasizes that efforts should be selective. We have to give ourselves permission NOT to do some things as it is too hard to try all the time. She highlights flexible thinking and reflection as markers for building resiliency. We can focus on change and growth within the present and develop mastery of the smallest challenges. By doing better today, we can make our previous stressors lessen.

“Optimism is informed hope. You’ve been given something, you’ve accepted it and understood it, and then you have to pass it on. With gratitude, optimism becomes sustainable.”

Michael J Fox, NY Times, 11.13.20

NOVEMBER 2020

Distance Learning AGAIN?!

In some ways, we all kind of knew this was coming...but what a blow. We want to see our students in person. Yet, we must shift again to distance learning. Thankfully, we have learned from our experiences last spring, and this round of distance learning should be a marked improvement. WE ARE READY! As the student services team and Valley View mental health providers, we want to offer parents and caregivers essential tips for supporting your child during distance learning:

• Remember that the teacher is the instructor. You are the facilitator and supporter at home. Give yourself permission to not take the lead. Keep your child in the driver’s seat while offering guidance and suggestions for their academic journey.

Resist the urge to sit next to your child, but rather keep them close. Consider setting up nonverbal or one-word cues to help get them back on track.

Check in periodically and help build skills together. Have your child steer problem solving discussions and pull up Schoology for you. For example, when questions arise, have your child email the teacher and copy you. That way they are taking the lead, but you are still a part of the conversation.

Catch them in times of focus and compliment them. Give praise for the effort and celebrate small wins. A smile of reassurance can go a long way, too. And...keep building that trust - trust is a known stress reducer.

• Help your child establish a calm and focused learning space and routine. With students feeling like so many things are out of their control these days, consider having them include comfort items in their learning space; like a favorite blanket, family/pet picture, non-distracting fidget, or an item that is personally important. This may help them to express voice and choice in their learning space and regain a small sense of control and enjoyment. Can your child show you their schedule/plan for the day? If not, have them map it out for you to see. In some cases, you may need to assist your child in creating a schedule and routine for each day. The predictability and structure of that routine are built-in stress reducers for students.

• Place your child’s mental health before academics. Ask open ended questions to gauge how they are feeling. Ex. What is bringing you joy today? What is a challenge you faced today? How did you manage through it? Rate your day on a scale of 1-10 (one being terrible, 10 = amazing). Why did you give it that rating? What would raise your number? Reach out to your child’s Advisory teacher or one of the mental health providers at Valley View if you feel your child is in need of additional social emotional support.

• Find time for movement breaks and build in mindfulness activities. These will help improve your child’s mood, concentration and focus. Gonoodle.com has lots of varying movement and dance activities for students (and families). Check out the Social Emotional Wellness site and Edina Public Schools Virtual Calming Space for mindfulness activities and other social emotional wellness resources.

• Learning is everywhere. Learning isn’t just a place, it is a relationship. If your child is feeling discouraged, disengaged, or has checked out, reach out to your child’s teacher(s). It is likely that the relationship between your child and the teacher(s) needs attention and cultivating. We know that positive relationships with adults can act as a buffer during challenging and stressful times. Connection = Protection.

Remember, this too shall pass. We will get through this together and emerge with more resiliency, gratitude, and compassion for one other. We hope our children don’t just look back on the hardships, but rather remember the support, love, and hope that surrounded them during this pandemic.