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Head of cybersecurity, Matt Ban, posing for his photo with a glint of crime-solving glee in his eyes
On May 1, a series of passive-aggressive and grammatically correct messages were sent to students suspected of using AI.
With Finals approaching, many students turned to the path of least resistance. Artificial intelligence has quickly become commonplace among college students, and despite its potential effective uses, some use it only to plagiarize.
Over two dozen students received the messages. They recalled specific details about the people’s internet history and cited specific uses of AI from certain assignments. Furthermore, the messages insulted the students, claiming they were ‘mush-brained,’ ‘screenagers,’ and, in a sarcastic tone, ‘sooo smart.’ At the end of each message, the person signed off with the moniker, Batman.
“I got one of these messages, and it was totally ridiculous. How can they think that I would use ChatGPT on my English assignment? It’s actually really wrong, cause I know lots of words,” said Junior Marrissa Vanderbilt.
Head of cybersecurity at St. Scholastica Matt Ban is searching far and wide to figure out how this breach happened. “I mean, whoever did this clearly had access to the network that very few people have access to. We are searching very hard, but it’s important to remember that using AI on assignments is a violation of our Code of Conduct, and whoever got into our servers probably had good intentions behind sending those messages. Maybe he was just trying to set students on a better path. I mean, or she, it could be a woman, too,” said Ban.
In an effort to assuage doubts about their ability to find the cause of the data breach, he showed us the report they had written so far. “Alright, here’s the report. Oh, wait, never mind, this is my boomerang. How silly of me. Okay, so here’s the actual report detailing what we have found so far.”
The report spanned more than two pages and was clearly the result of great investigative efforts from the administration. It’s unclear if this issue will ever be resolved but, thankfully, Matt Ban is on the case.
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