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Happy Friday y’all!

Are there any Naked and Afraid fans out there?

I enjoy watching this show as it portrays the importance of community. Survivalists know they must rely on each other to thrive in harsh conditions. These social groups welcome others coming into camps (mostly), as additional skills and resources equate into success. The inventory they do with each other is fascinating. One may be skilled at fishing, while another is an exceptional weaver, one a hide tanner, and yet another is an accomplished hunter. Together, they thrive.

Today’s tip comes from one of the survivalists, often referred to as the “Grand Daddy of Survival,” EJ.

I love EJ. I just have to say that!

One thing he is known for saying is, “Ya gotta embrace the suck!”

This saying was repeatedly recently in Naked & Afraid XL Next Level, Legends. They are tasked with existing in the Amazon for 60 days. Day 1-2 sucks. Their entire bodies are covered with bug bites, as they have not yet created shelter. They are all puking their guts out as part of the environmental assimilation process. And, an intense thunderstorm passes over.

EJ, being who he is, is standing there, cold, wet, bug bitten, and hungry says, “Ya gotta embrace the suck, because this is all part of it.”

Meaning, at the end of any challenge we experience, we feel triumphant! Exuberant for what we just accomplished! We build confidence in what we overcame to get to where we are- this is embracing the suck! Cherishing the process for what it is building, what it is teaching, and where it is taking us.

Often, as leaders, we seek to “protect” others. We as individuals often seek to mitigate our failures and pain. The reality is the true accomplishment lies in the pain! What we overcome! Easy wins are just that – easy. There is no reason to rob people of their learning, of experience, and of the confidence that comes from overcoming!

Embrace the suck. This is what resiliency is made of.

Todays’ tip comes from my canine teacher. This guy has taught me about the process of resilience, the power of the pack, and the importance of connection!

Having grown up raising dogs and horses, I enjoy being a rescue dog foster parent. We bring dogs into our “pack” to prepare them for success in their furever home. The process provides continued learning and high fulfillment as we watch dogs that have been torn down be built up through the power of the pack. Teaching a 40# dog that is immobilized by fear and insecurities how to interact with the external world by hooking up to my little 10# terrier mix on a dual leash is fascinating! Watching the trust and confidence built through being a part of a healthy pack teaches me so much about pack mentality and the human condition!

Then came Watcher. Whew. This dog has taught me about trust, leadership, connection, and how different each of us truly is. This dog entered our home as an out of control, anxious, insecure, and unstable dog. His behavior wreaked havoc in our peaceful home and in our stable pack. Our two littles (terrier mix and pom mix) began to act out in response to his presence and our cats went into hiding. His path of destruction included knocked over plants, broken household items, minor injuries, door destruction, and a boatload of my own personal frustration.

Walking this dog was a nightmare. We used a head harness, no-pull harness, leg pully. I became the neighborhood woman who walked that out-of-control German Sheppard that others avoided. Mealtime was chaos. Pecking order madness became the norm. 

Three things changed everything for this dog – and for us:

·         LEADERSHIP ERROR AND FIX #1: STOP trying to train a dog to behave that is experiencing out-of-control anxiety. START reducing his anxiety through moving myself to a calm state, then reassuring him. I remember telling myself, “duh! This is horsemanship/pack leader 101. Calm yourself first, then calm the horse/dog, THEN and ONLY then, ask for what you want. Why are you asking this dog for something he is unable to do in his current state of mind?” I gave him a “safe” place – If he sits, he is okay. Wow! When he hears and sees monsters (big trucks with back up bells) he goes right into his sit position – even in the middle of the road. This is his request for assurance and calming. As opposed to gator rolls and air leaps. 

·         LEADERSHIP ERROR AND FIX #2: STOP  focusing on what the dog is doing wrong. This is your frustration with the situation and is contributing to his anxiety and instability. START asking and showing what you DO want! Praise him more and correct him less. More self-talk, “I am totally responding to my own internal state and NOT showing up for this dog in a way that will help and heal him.” Instead of telling him, “NO, don’t do that,” I opt to provide direction. “Here, do this.” No more corrections for what he is not doing. Instead, directing him to what he can do and praising him for doing it. Game changer. Quickly he changed his behavior, walking into the TV room looking to us for direction, and we simply would point to where he could go. Now, he walks in and that is where he goes. The difference is a tail wagging, happy, calm dog versus a high-strung, havoc-creating beast.

·         LEADERSHIP ERROR AND FIX #3: STOP ignoring who he is. He IS a high energy dog. The others are not. We have a calm and quiet home environment; he is a high energy dog.  Once I accept, he is not “bad,” he is just different, I am able to think through solutions.  START giving him an outlet for his natural level of energy. This enables him to manage himself more effectively.  We provided the opportunity to play with other high energy dogs. To run and run and run. At home, he calmed down immensely. Additionally, instead of asking him to “CALM DOWN” I give him things to do. For example, “go get your toy.” “Run a lap.” “Where do we go when the bell rings?”

All of this to say, we are all products of our environment and driven by our intrinsic needs. Being a leader means doing less judging of the behaviors we see and more diagnosing the cause. What do others need from me? Part of leadership is course correcting our own contribution to the chaos!  

This dog came to our home as a red-hot mess. Having invested two years in Watcher, focusing on my own development and course correction, we now have an AMAZING German Sheppard. The dog that emerged from the wreckage of previous trauma is highly affectionate, loyal beyond measure, well behaved, very trainable, and a calm member of our stable pack. He now presents himself as the Officer and Gentleman he was always destined to be.