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SEL Support- Making Friends
SEL Support- Making Friends
Gifted children often possess interests and advanced vocabularies that their age-peers have a difficult time understanding or relating to. This can make social connections challenging for many gifted children.
Due to their asynchronous development (intellectual understanding outpaces their typical social-emotional development), gifted children experience a disconnect between their advanced understanding of what a friendship should be and the level at which their age-peers are forming friendships. Sometimes this can make it appear as if a child is socially inept when, in reality, they are socially advanced.
When gifted children find it difficult connecting with their same-age peers due to their advanced intellect, this can create feelings of isolation or lead to bullying from classmates. This rejection can create intense feelings and negatively impact their self-worth.
Click the picture to listen to more information about this topic on the NCAGT podcast, They’ll Be Fine.
Advocacy and Engagement
Advocacy and Engagement
Executive Functioning Challenges
Executive functioning is a broad term that includes several brain functions that help us execute tasks. Some of the skills under this umbrella include (but are not limited to) planning into the future, prioritizing, time management, organization, focus, task initiation, motivation, follow-through, self-regulation, introspection, and working memory.
In terms of executive function, gifted children may have an advanced working memory, but comparatively, an underdeveloped ability to switch attention to new tasks when needed. Asynchrony in gifted children can highlight executive function challenges, especially when it appears that a child is extremely gifted in math but then has difficulty remembering to turn in their homework.
What does this look like in gifted children?
Lack of self-regulation: This may manifest as difficulty managing frustration, social skills, self-reflection, and issues asking for help.
Homework and chore battles: Homework and chores are massive and overwhelming for children with executive functioning challenges. A direction like “write a book report” or “clean your room” is actually a multi-step process that requires many executive functioning skills like prioritizing, planning, initiating, switching attention, follow-through, and assessment. Overtime, children start to avoid and resist these tasks, especially when the parent or educator is demanding or using guilt to try to motivate the child to execute the desired task.
Anxiety, self-esteem, and motivation issues: Educators and parents who may not see that a child is struggling sometimes directly or indirectly send shaming messages, especially when they label the child as lazy or obstinate. Over time, the messages may be internalized and contribute to surface behaviors like avoidance, resistance, or apathy towards school and other responsibilities. This closed-off mindset belies that the child might be feeling invalidated and disillusioned after years of struggling with executive function and not receiving the recognition and support they need.
How can you support your child?
Help identify which area of executive function they need help in, such as emotional regulation, organization, time management, transition, etc. What are their study habits like? How do they learn best? What roadblocks come up when getting from Point A to Point B on a project?
Switching to exploration questions, rather than providing directives, may help children who struggle with executive functioning. Rather than telling children what to do, help them practice executive functioning with questions like “How long do you think each assignment will take you to complete?” This may also help build some buy-in for the child.
Instead of just giving a checklist, show your child what the end result should look like and have them walk you through the steps. This helps, especially for those who learn best through visual or kinesthetic methods.
Teach children how to develop and utilize organizational systems and routines. Collaborate together with the use of organizers, calendars, routine charts, and checklists.
Teach the process of planning. Help children identify their goals and consider options for achieving them. Use what/where/when/how questions. Break down tasks into smaller parts and guide children to focus on one part at a time.
Posted routines and developmentally appropriate checklists at home and at school, when used with training and consistency, can assist children in learning not only time management, but also responsibility.
Teach mindfulness, relaxation, and stress management techniques (belly breathing, tapping techniques, etc.).
Support flexible thinking by removing the emotion from the equation, and by focusing on solutions. Instead of focusing on what went wrong, ask what can be done differently to fix the problem.
Resources:
Smart but Scattered by Peg Dawson and Richard Guare (for parents)
Late, Lost, and Unprepared by Joyce Cooper-Kahn and Laurie Dietzel (for parents)
A Kids’ Book About Executive Functioning by Iris Wong (for kids - ages 5+)
Flexible Thinking Ninja: A Children’s Book About Developing Executive Functioning and Flexible Thinking Skills by Mary Nhin (for kids - ages 4-10)
Jacob Gets Organized by Denise Abdale (for kids - ages 4-10)
Click the picture below to listen to more information about executive functioning skills and gifted students on the NCAGT podcast, They’ll Be Fine.
https://drroseann.com/podcast/twice-exceptional-2e-students/
Perfectionism
Perfectionism
Characteristics of perfectionists:
Highly competitive
Driven by routines, maintaining order, and control
Fears failure
Procrastinates
Expects too much of themselves (unrealistic expectations)
Expects too much of others (unrealistic expectations)
Often seems to overreact to criticism
May underachieve if they feel they cannot be perfect
Late assignments/not turning in assignments (often due to procrastination)
The Good News:
Expectations to do well MAY lead to high achievement.
Excellence is attainable and a good sense of accomplishment can occur when the “perfect” part is left out.
The Not-As-Good News:
Mistakes make them fearful, limiting what new things they are willing to try.
Perfectionism goes beyond excellence and provides little satisfaction. The results never seem to be good enough.
Perfectionists are often highly self-critical.
How can you support a perfectionist?
Set expectations that are reasonable for your kids. If you take on too much or avoid including your children in projects, you are giving children the message that they are not capable of doing things well enough.
Bright children can be critical of others. Help them learn how to be constructive in their criticism. Talk about and model “small talk” and positive comments and compliments, and what positive relationships can do for themselves and others.
If your child is often bragging, talk with them about how this makes others feel. Help them learn to congratulate themselves privately and help them learn how to compliment and congratulate others graciously.
Model for and explain to your child that there is more than one correct way to do almost everything in life.
Resources:
Most Perfect You by Jazmyn Simon (picture book for kids)
The Girl Who Never Made Mistakes by Mark Pett & Gary Rubinstein (picture book for kids)
The Perfect Place by Matt de la Pena & Paola Escobar (picture book for kids)
Moving Past Perfect: How Perfectionism May Be Holding Back Your Kids (and You!) and What You Can Do About It by Thomas Greenspon, PhD (for parents)
Perfectionism and Gifted Children by Rosemary S. Callard-Szulgit (for parents)
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