Is It Bullying?

What is bullying? Is it bullying when your student keeps getting into arguments with a peer? Is it bullying when your student isn't getting along with a friend? Is it bullying when your student is the "new kid" getting "picked on"? The answer is...MAYBE.

To label a behavior as "bullying" it needs to meet the following criteria:

• Power Imbalance - the person being "mean" is older, bigger, has more money, a better athlete, smarter, etc; something that makes that person have more "power" over the other student.

• Repeated - the "mean" behavior happens over and over again. 

• On Purpose - the "mean" behavior is not an accident. 

• Intent to Harm/Hurt - the behavior is not only on purpose but is also meant to harm or hurt the other individual. 

• No Regret - the individual that is committing the harmful behavior has no regret in doing so; there is no apology nor does the person feel they should apologize for their harmful actions. 

• No Effort Made to Resolve - there is no desire to resolve the reoccurring, harmful behavior by the perpetrator. 

But if it is NOT bullying what is it? In elementary school, a large majority of situations we see are CONFLICTS between peers rather than bullying. Conflict occurs when students of relatively equal power have a disagreement, misunderstanding, or hurt feelings. 

To label a behavior as "conflict" it needs to meet the following criteria:

• Power Balance - both students involved are relatively close in age, social status, etc.

• Occasional - the disagreement is not an ongoing event. 

• Accidental - the argument or negative exchange is not on purpose. 

• Unintended to Harm - the student who initiated the argument did not mean for harm to come to the other student. 

• Regret - the student who initiated the disagreement has regret/remorse for the argument. 

• Effort Made to Resolve - the peers wish to "mend fences" with each other.