Songs

FESTER:

Let’s not talk about anything else but love

ALL: 

Aaahhhhh

FESTER:

Let’s not talk about anything else but love

Can’t we talk about lofty goals, mating souls

Altering minds and faltering roles

Let’s not talk about anything else…

WEDNESDAY: 

THEY'RE NORMAL PEOPLE 

NOT LIKE YOU, NOT LIKE ME 

PLEASE CAN'T WE BE AN AVERAGE FAMILY! 

ANCESTOR 1: 

ONE NORMAL NIGHT 

THAT'S ALL SHE WANTS 

THAT'S ALL SHE NEED FROM YOU 

WEDNESDAY: 

ONE NORMAL HOUSE 

WITHOUT A MOUSE 

TO FEED A PLANT OR TWO 

ANCESTOR : 

YOU MUST ADMIT WE'RE NOT 

WHAT PEOPLE CALL LAID BACK 

SO CAN'T WE MUSE A BIT 

AND LOSE THE BASIC BLACK? 

ANCESTOR 3: 

WHOA, ONE NORMAL NIGHT 

WITH NORMAL PEOPLE ON THEIR WAY JUST ONE NORMAL NIGHT 

(spoken) Whaddaya say? 

MORTICIA: 

ONE NORMAL NIGHT? 

WEDNESDAY: 

TO BE POLITE 

TO DO THE LEAST YOU CAN

GOMEZ: 

ONE NORMAL EVE? 

ANCESTOR 4: 

CAN YOU ACHIEVE 

A KIND OF COMMON MAN? 

WEDNESDAY: 

YOU HAVE TO SWEAR TO ME YES, PROMISE TO THE CORE 

ANCESTOR 5: 

IT'S ALMOST SIX O'CLOCK THEY'RE ALMOST AT THE DOOR! 

ALL ANCESTORS: 

ON ALL THE ADDAMS ANCESTORS WHO'VE EVER WALKED ARIGHT ONE NORMAL NIGHT!

(An avenue of trees deployed by the ANCESTORS, against the skyline of New York City. The BEINEKES: MAL, ALICE and LUCAS, enter.)

 ANCESTORS 

DOO DOO DOO DOO

 DOO DOO DOO DOO

 DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO 

MAL

OK, Lucas - enough is enough. Gimme the map. 

ALICE

 I don't see any houses. 

MAL 

Because there aren't any, Alice. We're in the middle of Central Park! 

LUCAS 

I know where we are! It's where I first saw her! I was lost in the park and a pigeon dropped at my feet with an arrow in it! And I looked up and there she was - Wednesday, with a crossbow. 

MAL 

A what?

ALICE Be patient with him, dear. (rhyming) "A father should support his son. And Lucas is your only one."

MAL

See what you did? Your mother's rhyming again. Let's get back to the hotel and then -

LUCAS

 (cutting him off) No!

 ONE NORMAL NIGHT

 NO, NOT ONE POEM 

NOT ONE INSPIRING WORD 

ONE NORMAL SCENE 

COMPLETE ROUTINE 

TONIGHT CAN'T BE ABSURD 

PLEASE DON'T EMBARRASS ME 

OR BE COMPLETELY RUDE

 MAL AND ALICE 

WON'T MAKE A FUSS 

ABOUT THE HOUSE 

ABOUT THE FOOD 

WHOA! ONE NORMAL NIGHT 

LUCAS

 I KNOW IT'S BIG BUT CAN'T YOU SEE

THIS ONE NORMAL NIGHT IS FOR ME!

 Come on! (LUCAS exits.)

MAL Come on!

 (MAL exits and ALICE follows. The ANCESTORS appear from behind the avenue of trees. So does FESTER.)

 FESTER

 Seems like a nice young man!

 (ANCESTORS grumble)

ANCESTOR

But they are not right for each other.

 FESTER

 Look. The choice is yours. Either you keep helping these kids or you're stuck here for eternity! So?

 (The ANCESTORS point the trees in the right direction, helping the BEINEKES head off toward the house.) 

FESTER & ANCESTORS

 PROTECT AND RALLY ROUND 

LET'S AID THEM AND ABET 

ONE NORMAL NIGHT IS WHAT THEY'LL -

FESTER

GET!

 (Lightning and thunder.  scuttles upstage, revealing The Addams Family Mansion. The trees vanish, the house exterior crashes to the floor, revealing THE ADDAMS FAMILY.)

 ALL

 IN ONE NORMAL, INFORMAL

 ONE NORMAL NIGHT!

 (The doorbell rings.) 

(ANCESTORS voice sceptical remarks about “love”in between FESTER’S lyrics.)

FESTER:

LET'S NOT TALK ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE BUT LOVE

 WORTH REPEATING

 LET'S NOT TALK ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE BUT LOVE 

CAN'T WE TALK ABOUT LOFTY GOALS

FESTER & ANCESTORS 

MATING SOULS-

ALTERING MINDS AND FALTERING ROLES-

FESTER 

Shhh.

FESTER 

LET'S NOT TALK ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE…

FESTER 

BE PATIENT AND SOON THE WAY WILL BE CLEAR

 FOCUS YOUR FEAR

AND TROUBLES ALL WILL DISAPPEAR

LET'S NOT TALK ABOUT ANYTHING OLD

 ANCESTORS

 PLEASE DON'T LEAVE US OUT IN THE COLD

 FESTER 

LET'S NOT TALK ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE 

BUT LOVE

ANCESTORS

BUT LOVE

 FESTER 

BUT LOVE

GOMEZ:

FULL DISCLOSURE! 

IT'S A GAME THAT WE PLAY

LET YOUR DARKEST SECRETS GIVE YOU AWAY

FACE YOUR DEMONS 

AND THEN HAPPILY SAY 

I'M PLAYING FULL DISCLOSURE 

WITH ALL THESE CRAZY HAPPY PEOPLE 

ADDAMS FAMILY & ANCESTORS 

FULL DISCLOSURE! 

IT'S A GAME THAT WE PLAY 

LET YOUR DARKEST SECRETS 

GIVE YOU AWAY 

FACE YOUR DEMONS 

AND THEN HAPPILY SAY I'M PLAYING FULL 

DISCLOSURE, FULL DISCLOSURE, FULL DISCLOSURE 

DISCLOSURE, FULL DISCLOSURE, FULL DISCLOSURE 

GOMEZ 

Yes. Well. My disclosure is in the form of a fairy tale. Once there was a man who had a beautiful wife and two beautiful children. A humble man who treasured his wife and worshipped the ground she walked on. Thank you. And everyone lived happily ever after. (He sits, and looks hopefully at his wife) Full Disclosure. 

MORTICIA

Well, we'll just have to come back to you, won't we?  

GOMEZ 

Yes! Let's hear from Fester. The chalice! 

FESTER

 I - am in love! 

ALL 

Awww! 

MORTICIA 

Oh, Fester - who is it?

FESTER 

(shyly) The moon! 

ALICE 

The moon? He's in love with the moon? 

MAL 

Yeah, that's normal.

ALICE 

That's the most beautiful thing I ever heard! 

FESTER 

Oh, I haven't told her yet. 

EVERYONE 

Awww!

FESTER 

Full Disclosure. 

GMZ/MORT/FSTR/PUG/GRNDM/ALICE/ANCSTRS 

FULL DISCLOSURE! 

FESTER 

JUST EMBRACE IT AND SWOON

GMZ/MORT/FSTR/PUG/GRNDM/ALICE/ANCSTRS 

 EMBRACE AND SWOON 

 FESTER

FALL FROM GRACE OR FALL IN LOVE WITH THE MOON 

GMZ/MORT/PUG/GRNDM/ALICE/ANCSTRS 

HE LOVES THAT MOON 

FESTER 

CLOSE YOUR SERMON WITH A SIGNATURE TUNE 

GMZ/MORT/FSTR/PUG/GRNDM/ALICE/ANCSTRS 

AND CALL IT FULL DISCLOSURE! 

MORTICIA 

Wednesday's turn! 

WEDNESDAY 

No!

GRANDMA 

Me! Me! Me! Age before beauty! (stands) The chalice! (drinks and looks at Pugsley) The kid and I had a little heart-to-heart before. I told him to use his time wisely. Look who's talking - how much time have I got left? I'm a hundred and two, I have shingles and arthritis, and when I break wind it could start the windmills on an old Dutch painting. But I've still got one more round in me. Full Disclo...Full Disclo... (realises something) Oops. (She spreads her napkin onto her chair and sits.) (MORTICIA stares at her icily. Then -) 

MORTICIA 

We should've put you down years ago. (then) All right. Wednesday's turn. 

WEDNESDAY 

Not yet. Daddy, talk to her. 

MORTICIA

Wednesday. Your turn. The chalice please. Where's the chalice? 

(PUGSLEY crawls out from under the front of the table.)

PUGSLEY 

Yes! (pours the potion into the chalice)

 NOW, WITH A DASH OF POTION 

MY SISTER BLOWS HER COOL

 HOPEFULLY, IN SLOW-MOTION 

SHE'LL DROP 

SHE'LL DROOL 

ONE SIP OF ACRIMONIUM

 AND THEN SHE WILL CHANGE

 BOY, OH BOY, HER FULL DISCLOSURE'S 

GONNA BE STRANGE!

MORT/GMZ/GRNDM/FSTR/PUG/ALICE/ANCSTRS 

 FULL DISCLOSURE! 

 MORTICIA

IT'S THE MOMENT OF TRUTH!

GRANDMA/FESTER/ALICE/PUGS/ANCESTORS

 LA LA LA LA

 (The chalice is passed toward WEDNESDAY. ALICE starts coughing.)

GOMEZ

 (to Wednesday)

 NOW YOU BETTER HIT THE TRUTH LIKE BABE RUTH 

GRNDM/FSTR/ALICE/PUG/MORT/ANCESTORS 

LA LA LA LA!

 (ALICE coughs again. WEDNESDAY receives the chalice. She holds it, gathering her thoughts, then raises it to her lips...) 

GOMEZ/WEDNESDAY

 THIS IS TORTURE, LIKE AN IMPACTED TOOTH! 

GMZ/MORT/GRNDM/FSTR/ALICE/PUG/ANCSTRS 

HOORAY FOR FULL...

(WEDNESDAY is about to drink, but ALICE coughs again. LUCAS grabs the chalice and hands it to ALICE, who drinks it.)

 PUGSLEY

No!!!!

 (ALICE'S cheeks flush, her soul darkens, she howls in pain and slams the cup on the table.) 

ALICE 

АНННННН "I feel so dark, I feel so dead. All is black inside my face."

 GOMEZ

 Boy, That doesn't even rhyme. Are you ok?

 MAL 

Well, as you can see, my wife isn't herself. So we'll be on our way. 

ALICE 

I want to stay, I am starting to enjoy myself! (in the deepest voice possible) You got a problem with that? 

MAL 

(whispering to her) I did not raise my son date a girl whose family is bunch of creeped-out weirdos. 

ALICE 

Oh Mal, he's in love. Let him follow his heart. 

MAL 

Follow his heart? That's crazy! 

ALICE 

What's wrong with crazy? Crazy is underrated. You used to be crazy about me. 

MAL 

Lemme get this straight - your son, your only son, is in love with someone who is named for a day of the week and runs around Central Park with a crossbow - and you're OK with all that?

ALICE 

If it makes him happy, yes. 

MAL 

Well, you better come to your senses or I'm gonna have to take steps. 

ALICE 

Good idea. Why don't you start by taking steps outside.  (MAL rises to help ALICE, but she's a changed woman.)Full disclosure - I am done with you being the boss of this family! I am running things now!.

 GOMEZ 

Ooooh. That's too dark even for us.

GOMEZ/MORT/FSTR/GRNDM/PUGS/ANCSTRS

 FULL DISCLOSURE 

GOMEZ 

WOW, THAT STORY WAS GRIM 

GOMEZ/MORT/FSTR/GRNDM/PUGS/ANCSTRS

WE'RE TALKING GRIM 

 GOMEZ 

FILLED WITH FEAR AND LOATHING UP TO THE BRIM

GOMEZ/MORT/FSTR/GRNDM/PUGS/ANCSTRS

 THAT'S QUITE A BRIM 

GOMEZ 

JUST IMAGINE BEING MARRIED TO HIM -

 (MAL interrupts, rising. He's had enough.)

MAL

 OK, Addams, I tried But you people are insane. You got a house where there shouldn't be a house, a zombie for a butler, and a man who's dating the moon - 

FESTER 

Oh, I wouldn't exactly say we're dating. 

MAL

 Full disclosure. We're leaving. Lucas, help your mother down.

  WEDNESDAY

 You were right, Lucas. 

MORTICIA 

Right about what? 

WEDNESDAY 

Thanks anyway, Daddy. 

MORTICIA 

Thanks for what?? 

WEDNESDAY 

We should have just told her.

 MORTICIA

Told me what????

WEDNESDAY

(breaking in) It doesn't matter.Lucas and I love each other. And we're getting married. 

MORTICIA

What?!  (to Gomez, in horror) That's what you kept from me?

ALICE

 (to Morticia) No secrets, huh? HA НА НА. 

WEDNESDAY

YES WE KEPT A SECRET!

 MORTICIA

 AND YOU KEPT IT FROM ME?

LUCAS

 SO, WE'RE GETTING MARRIED! 

MORTICIA & ANCESTORS 

ARE THEY GETTING MARRIED? 

GOMEZ & ANCESTORS 

REALLY MARRIED?

 ALL (EXCEPT WEDNESDAY AND LUCAS)

 "MARRIED" MARRIED? 

FULL DISCLOSURE 

MORT/ALICE/WED/GMZ/MAL/LUC/GRND/FSTR 

WHAT A MISERABLE GAME 

ALL

 PLAY IT ONCE 

AND LIFE IS NEVER THE SAME

SOMEONE STARTED IT 

SO SOMEONE'S TO BLAME 

ENOUGH OF FULL…

WEDNESDAY 

THIS ISN'T HAPPENING 

OH NO THIS CAN'T BE

 HAPPENING! STOP!

 FESTER 

There you are: Secrets exposed. Marriages threatened. Delicious drama. What happens now? Can this be repaired? Or do you all leave in thirty minutes feeling vaguely depressed? Things are upside down. That's what happens when you play…

ALL

 FULL DISCLOSURE! 

MORTICIA 

MY DAUGHTER'S GETTING MARRIED

 I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S TRUE

 SHE DOESN'T ASK HER MOTHER

 BEFORE SHE SAYS "I DO?" 

AND HOW ABOUT MY HUSBAND?

 INCONSTANT, NAIVE! 

THIS EVENING'S GETTING SERIOUS

 THESE OHIOANS WON'T LEAVE

 BUT I CAN'T LET THESE LATEST TROUBLES 

ROB ME OF MY BLISS 

FOR WHEN I'M SCARED OF TRUE DISASTER

 I REMEMBER THIS... 

DEATH IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER

 WAITING PATIENTLY TO STRIKE 

ONE UNPLANNED ELECTROCUTION

 THAT'S THE KIND OF END

I CAN COMPREHEND

 WHEN I'M FEELING UNINSPIRED

 OR I NEED A LITTLE SPREE

 I'M REBORN KNOWING DEATH IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER 

COMING AFTER ME

 (spoken) Coroner. Get it? Death is just around the coroner... 

ANCESTORS

 DEATH IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER

 WAITING HIGH UPON THE HILL 

SOMEONE BURIED IN AN AVALANCHE

 THAT'S THE KIND OF GIG SHE COULD REALLY DIG 

MARRIAGE OFTEN DISAPPOINTS YOU

NOT EACH HUSBAND IS A GEM

SO, YOU'LL MOURN KNOWING

 DEATH IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER

 COMING AFTER THEM

 MORTICIA

 IF LIFE'S ALL PLUMS

 I'LL MUDDLE THROUGH SOME

 BUT WHEN DEATH COMES

 I HOPE IT'S GRUESOME (HA-CHA) 

ALL 

 DEATH IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER

 AND YOU HAVE TO HEED THE CALL

 ANCESTORS 

DON'T ASK WHY

MORTICIA

 FOR YOUR DEATH IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER

ANCESTORS

 YOU AND I 

MORTICIA

 HAPPY BEING BOTH THE MOURNED AND MOURNER 

ANCESTORS

 SAY GOODBYE 

ALL

 BECAUSE DEATH IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER 

COMING FOR US ALL! 

Fester:

When the daylight ends and the moon ascends,

I would rather be just the moon and me.

When I feel her pull, then my heart is full.

And the night is softly, sweetly calling:

"Fester, look and see."

La la la la la la

La la la la la

La la la la la

It's a dream that's coming true

when the moon says "I love you".

Fester and Ancestors:

La la la la la la

(ohh la la la)

La la la la la

(ooh la la la)

La la la la la

(ooh la la la)

It's a dream that's coming true

when the moon says "I love you".

Fester:

How it can feel

When love is real.

Fester and Ancestors:

La la la la la la

(ooh la la la)

La la la la la

(ooh la la la)

La la la la la

(ooh la la la)

It's a dream that's coming true

when the moon says "I love you".

It's a dream that's coming true

when the moon says

"I love you".

ANCESTORS

ONCE SHE WAS HOPEFUL 

THOUGHT YOU WERE ONE

 LIFE, LESS THAN PERFECT 

FINALLY BEGUN

 BUT, NOW SHE WONDERS 

ARE YOU UNDONE? 

SHE WANTS TO TREASURE YOU IN DEATH AS WELL AS LIFE 

SHE WANTS TO CUT YOU WITH HER LOVE AND WITH HER KNIFE

 BUT CAN SHE LIVE AS YOUR TORMENTOR AND YOUR WIFE?

WHEN SHE IS CRAZIER THAN YOU

 SHE'S CRAZIER THAN YOU 

AND NOTHING UP 'TIL NOW HAS PROVED HER WRONG

 WEDNESDAY

 I'M CRAZIER THAN YOU

 THAT'S JUST THE OVERVIEW

 SO GET ON BOARD OR SIMPLY MOVE ALONG

LUCAS

 I'M NOT IMPULSIVE

WEDNESDAY

 AND YET I TRULY LOVE YOU

LUCAS

  I'M NOT DERANGED

  WEDNESDAY 

I'D NEVER ASK THAT OF YOU

LUCAS

 BUT IN THIS MOMENT

 I KNOW I'VE CHANGED

 I WANNA CLIMB MOUNT EVEREST 

GO TO MOZAMBIQUE

 I WANNA BE IMPULSIVE

 WANT TO BE UNIQUE

 CAN YOU BELIEVE I MEAN IT 

WHEN YOU HEAR ME SHRIEK?

 (He hands her the apple.)

 ANCESTORS

 HE'S CRAZIER THAN YOU

 HE'S CRAZIER THAN YOU

 AND NOW HE'LL PROVE TO YOU EXACTLY HOW-OW-OW

 HE'S CRAZIER THAN YOU 

LUCAS

(LUCAS blindfolds himself with his tie.)

  I'LL DO WHAT YOU CAN DO

 FROM HERE ON IN I GIVE MY SOLEMN 

VOW-OW-OW-OW

 (WEDNESDAY hands LUCAS the apple. He puts the apple on his head. The ANCESTORS enter to help WEDNESDAY.)

 ANCESTORS

 PLUCK THE ARROW FROM ITS QUIVER

 HOLD IT IN YOUR HAND, BE BRAVE

 PIERCE THE APPLE NOT HIS LIVER

 OR WE'RE DANCING ON HIS GRAVE

 PLACE IT IN THE BOW AND STEADY

LUCAS

 CAN'T YOU SHOOT THAT THING ALREADY?!?

WEDNESDAY

 I'M GONNA DEMONSTRATE THAT FEAR IS MY IDEAL

 LUCAS

 GIRL, BELIEVE ME

 FEAR IS YOUR APPEAL 

WEDNESDAY 

CAUSE IN THE MOMENT THAT YOU'RE FRIGHTENED

 LIFE IS REAL

 LUCAS

 THEN MY LIFE MUST BE REAL REAL 

WEDNESDAY/ LUCAS

 AND IN A FLASH

 WHEN I(YOU) RELEASE

 AND SEAL THE DEAL

ALL

When you're an Addams

ANCESTORS

That's right, when you're an Addams 

ADDAMS & BEINEKES 

You have a very special duty.

ANCESTORS

Late night! Out with the Addams!

ADDAMS & BEINEKES 

When you're an Addams 

ANCESTORS

With one bite

ALL

You're obligated to the clan. 

LURCH

It's family first and family last

And family by and by

ALL 

When you're an Addams 

The standard answers don't apply

When you're an Addams 

You do what Addams do or

Die!