First Time

Maybe you ran into a pack of hashers on your daily walk. Maybe you were accosted at the local bar by a bunch of drunk assholes wearing matching necklaces and singing songs. And maybe, just maybe, they convinced you to join them. So now that you've been convinced into joining our merry mob of no good drunkards, allow me to say this to you, the first time hasher, congratulations. There is no way, whatsoever, without a shadow of a doubt that you'll ever do anything to regret this decision.


That being said.....


You are now a first time hasher. You will be known as a virgin. Congratulations on getting your cherry back. There are very few things you'll have to do to prepare for your first run with the Hash House Harriers. Our standards are low and our morals are nonexistent. You will be asked four questions on your first run, memorize these as the consequences for not knowing the answer are both outrageous and will make you look "special".


Question #1- What is your name?

Your answer- I am Just (fill in the blank)- If you cannot fill in the blank, you should probably not be in our group and instead immediately report to a mental health clinic.


Question #2- Where are you from?

Your answer- Where ever you are from. Again, if you cannot answer this refer to the advice from question 1.


Question #3- Why are you here?

Your answer- To drink beer. Or any variation of those three words. Unacceptable answers: "because someone made me come", "to exercise", "to not have fun", "to rape a camel"*.

*the exception here might be if there is a hasher named Camel, and said hasher is totally dressed for it.


Question #4- Who made you cum?

Now this is a tricky one, you might be tempted to expound on your previous night's companion, but that is not the right answer. If no one in specific invited you, just point to someone pretty, but point with your elbow, since fingers are frowned upon. Otherwise, simply tell the group the hasher who invited you to the event. Be sure to use their hash name if they are a named hasher. Nerd names are not desirable.


What's a nerd name you ask? Funny you should ask, what follows is a quick glossary of terms you'll be confronted with at the runs. Don't be scared. Just let it happen.


Beer Check - A stop along the trail to enjoy a tasty beverage.

Circle - The grouping at the end of the trail, don't worry, it's hard to miss.

Down-down - Recognition given for notable events on-trail. Finish the contents of your vessel, or risk pouring the remainder over your head.

Dry bag - A bag containing a dry change of clothes and shoes. If it says on the trail information to bring one, it's usually a good idea to bring one, if it doesn't say it on the trail information, it's usually a good idea to bring one.

Hares - The hashers laying the trail.

Head Gear - Any type of hat/cranium coverage. Do not wear it into the center of the circle.

Nerd Name - The name that a hasher uses outside of hashing. Do not call someone by their nerd name.

Pack - The group that follows the trail laid by the hares.

Shiggy - Any type of terrain that the trail runs through that is not a sidewalk. This can include, but is not limited to, forests, rivers, swamps, tunnels, creeks, Mr. Johnson's back yard, chemical plant run off canals, and massive thickets of blackberry bushes.

Shiggy gear - Garments that prevent aforementioned obstacles from hurting your precious hide. Usually just means soccer type socks/leggings and a long sleeve shirt/under armor.

Toe Tag - Rare but awesome.

Vessel - Most important of all, a vessel will be your best friend at the trail. Simply put, a vessel is a non-see-through container for drinking out of. Make sure you have one when you come!! Authorities tend to frown on drinking in public, but how do they know there's beer in your coffee mug?