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This is a map of the planet mercury in the year 2019. During the time from this picture to 2020 the large section of the planet has been usurped from the prior inhabitants and taken over by a faction of dinosaurs. This faction is commonly known as the uh'murr'ih'cahn'z. It has a rising number of members and it is growing at alarming rates due to their large outreach on social media platforms. They use a sophisticated system to mass produce social media "recruiter bots" these bots will start a private message to a random user of the site. This seemed to be very effective as now they have as many humans as they have dinosaurs. When they stormed mercury it was an exact 1:1 ratio of humans to dinosaurs.
So who fell for it. This is something that I wondered when I first heard about this story from my sources on mercury. His name is sparky and he gave me some interesting information. He said that there were five groups of people in the army. "There were the Americans, obvious because of their flags, guns, and social media obsessions. Then there were the Russians. These guys were always committing voter fraud. They were also obvious because of all the whiskey they have and bear skin they wear. The third group were the boomers. They were all old white people who just didn't get what was going on. Some of them had phones but they just didn't have a clue how to use them. There was a fourth group of people who were under four. They were the youngest group on average*. The last group were the people who hated colors. They were there because dinosaurs were monochromatic. They were easily spotted because of their monochromatic suits. The factions were exactly equal in number."
-Sparky
This was a leader of one fifth of the dinosaur and human army. I think you can take a guess what group he is in. He fought bravely in the fighting against the people that used to occupy mercury. Unfortunately he died in the hospital of a fatal wound from getting crushed by a peach and being stuck inside of it for most of the fighting, luckily he was able to oil up and squirm out of the peach, only to die in a surgery later.
These are the new borders of mercury after the uh'murr'ih'cahn'z invaded mercury. The boomers got the spot on the north, the Americans south of them, then the Russians, then the four year old's, then the people who don't like color and can only tolerate up to one color, differing shades are accepted though. That's it for today's article I hope you can go educated others on the turmoil on mercury.
*They had a median age of five but varied in age from 3-6 years old.
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