Fatherhood Circle Series
Becoming the Bridge
Becoming the Bridge
A Circle of TrustÂź Journey for Fathers
A Circle of TrustÂź Journey for Fathers
        https://cfs.bhssc.org/ https://compass.bhssc.org/  https://circlebridge.org/Â
Becoming the Bridge is a circle-based workshop series for fathers who want to reflect more deeply on what it means to raise children with presence, courage, and care. Rooted in the Circle of TrustÂź approach and guided by the TouchstonesÂź, this series creates a safe and meaningful space for personal growth, shared story, and relational strength.
Over five sessions, participants explore themes of identity, aspiration, healing, and legacyâgathering in story circles, practicing deep listening, and reconnecting with the values that shape them as men and fathers. Through poetry, video, and reflection, this journey invites each father to consider the cycles they are continuing, the ones they are breaking, and the bridges they are building for future generations.
This is not a parenting class. Itâs a space to be human. To be heard. To become more whole.
Theme: Origin stories, ancestral roots, and becoming a father
Goals: Build trust, introduce the Touchstones©, honor lived and inherited stories
Third Thing: âRememberâ poem + storytelling prompt
Activities:Â Story CircleÂ
What is one moment with him that still echoes in your life today?
(A gesture, a silence, a ritual, a teachingâŠ)
How did he show loveâor how didnât he?
(And how did you learn to interpret that?)
Was there a time you saw him struggle or change?
(What did you learn about strength or vulnerability from that?)
What was his relationship to responsibility, emotion, or presence?
(How has that shaped what you now expect or strive for in fatherhood?)
What did he teach you without ever saying a word?
What about him do you hope to carry forward?
(And what might you hope to lay down or reimagine?)
If you could ask him one honest question nowâwhat would it be?
Has your idea of fatherhood changed as youâve grown older?
(If so, when did it shiftâand why?)
by Joy Harjo
Remember the sky that you were born under,
know each of the starâs stories.
Remember the moon, know who she is.
Remember the sunâs birth at dawn, that is the
strongest point of time. Remember sundown
and the giving away to night.
Remember your birth, how your mother struggled
to give you form and breath. You are evidence of
her life, and her motherâs, and hers.
Remember your father. He is your life, also.
Remember the earth whose skin you are:
red earth, black earth, yellow earth, white earth
brown earth, we are earth.
Remember the plants, trees, animal life who all have their
tribes, their families, their histories, too. Talk to them,
listen to them. They are alive poems.
Remember the wind. Remember her voice. She knows the
origin of this universe.
Remember you are all people and all people
are you.
Remember you are this universe and this
universe is you.
Remember all is in motion, is growing, is you.
Remember language comes from this.
Remember the dance language is, that life is.
Remember.
(after Joy Harjo)
Remember the sky you lay beneath,
big and blue, clouds drifting like quiet ships.
Remember how small you felt,
a tiny bug on a giant ball,
how your breath caught in your chest
at the sheer distance of it all.
Remember the sun, bright and kind enough to make your eyes water,
and the bird whose shadow brushed your skin,
a moving whisper from above.
Remember your mother,
the teacher of time and lineage,
keeper of old stories, antiques, and dreams of where weâre going.
Remember her love of history â
how she built a bridge from what was to what could be.
Remember your father,
the coach who listens,
whose laughter opens hearts,
whose hands speak in hugs and gentle pats.
Remember his warmth â
how it lives in you like a steady flame.
Remember autumnâs fire,
the crisp air that lets you see your own breath.
Remember the first snow,
the crunch of your boots in drifts up to your knees.
Remember the mountainâs edge,
how the cold wind fills you before you fly.
Remember the trees â all of them your friends.
Each with its own dance, its own gift.
Some reaching straight to the heavens,
others curved and full of stories.
Remember the ones that host mushrooms, lichens, and birds â
they give without asking, always giving.
Remember the wind,
that ancient breath traveling across the world,
carrying voices, carrying songs.
Remember how it greets you
and tells you you are never alone,
only a horizon away from other wonderful beings.
Remember the bed you share with your wife and dogs,
the dinner table crowded with stories and laughter.
Remember your townâs main street,
each face a familiar note in the symphony of belonging.
Remember the roar of Red Rocks,
the thousands of hearts joined in sound beneath the mountains.
Remember even your solitude â
how seven billion others know it too,
and how together we make a single planet turning toward the sun.
Remember language â
the sacred play of sound and sense.
Remember how you send words into the world
and they bloom into meaning for every ear, every eye, every body.
Remember you are half the song,
and the other half is all who listen.
Remember â
you are part of the dance that keeps the world alive.
As you watch, notice what stands out for you about being a man, a father, a relative.
After the video, do some silent reflection (2â3 minutes): jot down 1â2 key ideas you heard about manhood/responsibility.
Then pair up (âtalkâpartnerâ) for ~5 minutes: each person shares his reflections with his partner:
What resonated?
What surprised or challenged you?
How does that connect to your role as father/relative?
Come back to the full group and 2â3 men share highlights.
1. Responsibility to Pass on Teachings
2. Modeling Peace and Respect (Wolakota)
3. Listening and Learning Before Leading
4. Identity and Pride in Heritage
5. Perseverance and Courage
6. Hope for Future Generations
7. Humility and Gratitude
Theme: Aspirations, challenges, and inner tensions of fatherhood
Goals: Hold space for both courage and struggle; deepen personal reflection
Third Thing: Video clip of Parker Palmer
Guided journaling:
Are there experiences I've had that taught me it's not safe for me to be in the world as I am?
Am I able to show up as my True Self at my work? In my family? Are my children able to at school? At home?
Is the level of my "dividedness" impacting my role as a father?
Small circle quads or triads:Â
Listen deeply. Distrubute an even amount of time. Offer only Open Honest Questions.
Whole group debrief
Circle of Trust:
Give and receive welcome
Speak your truth in ways that respect other peopleâs truth
Turn to wonder
âWhat does it feel like to be a father raising a child in a world that may look different from the one you grew up in?â
(Denial â Polarization â Minimization â Acceptance â Adaptation)
How do you talk to your kids about differenceâwhether racial, cultural, political, or generational?
What differences do your children navigate between your home culture and their school culture?
In what ways do you model curiosity, humility, and openness when engaging with others?
âWhere is one place in my life I could grow in presence, humility, or courage when it comes to differences? What would that look like at home?â
Try to name a behavioral goal, not just an abstract one (e.g., âI want to ask more curious questions when my child talks about a different cultural perspective.â)
Theme: Intergenerational wounds and the power of reclamation
Goals: Surface hard truths in a compassionate container; connect cultural resilience
Third Thing: Video of Dr. Gabor Maté
Activities: Fatherhood Growth Guide linking IDC scores and Touchstones
A guide for setting Fatherhood growth goals connected with the Intercultural Development Continuum and the Touchstones for Creating Safe Space developed by the Center for Courage & Renewal.
Attachment as a Survival Need: Humans, like other mammals, rely on strong emotional bonds to survive. From infancy, connection, love, and belonging are non-negotiable needs that shape our ability to thrive.
Authenticity as a Survival Need: Equally essential is the need to be fully oneselfâaware of, and able to express, oneâs emotions, intuition, and internal truths. Authenticity enables humans to navigate the world with integrity and resilience.
The Conflict Between the Two: Many children experience situations where expressing their authenticity threatens their attachmentâe.g., showing real emotions might lead to rejection or disapproval. To preserve attachment, authenticity is often suppressed.
Long-Term Impact: Over time, this suppression disconnects people from their own emotions, leading to struggles with identity, mental health, addiction, or relational difficulty. The transcript highlights the tragic normalization of this conflict, even in adulthood.
Healing and Wholeness: The call is to notice how early adaptive strategies (like silencing the self) may no longer serve usâand to reclaim our right to be both connected and authentic. This mirrors key insights from trauma-informed education and emotional intelligence research.
Are there emotions I was taught not to express as a child that I now struggle to witness or allow in my own child?
How do I speak my truth with my child in a way that also respects theirs?
How do I welcome difference, silence, or strong emotion in my child without rushing to control it?
What messages did I receive from my fatherâor from my cultureâabout what it means to be a man or a dad? How do those messages shape my parenting today?
Whatâs one way I could help my child feel that they donât have to choose between being loved and being themselves?
What stories from my own upbringing do I want to change or heal in how I parent?
Theme: Being emotionally present and attuned with our children
Goals: Develop relational listening, emotional literacy, and reflective strength
Third Thing: Duane Hollow Horn Bear reflections on Wowahwala
Activities: Levels of Listening Guide
You hear what you already believe.
In parenting, this might look like tuning out a childâs words because âthey always act this way.â
The focus stays on your own narrative, not your childâs evolving experience.
â ïž Fathering risk: Reacting on autopilotâmissing your childâs actual need or message.
You suspend judgment and notice new or surprising information.
As a dad, you might genuinely observe that your child is struggling today, even if they usually arenât.
This level is curious and objective.
âïž Fathering insight: âSomethingâs different todayâwhatâs going on?â
You step into your childâs emotional world, sensing what they feel.
Itâs not just âI hear you,â but âI feel with you.â
This level builds trust and emotional safety.
â€ïž Fathering gift: âIâm with you. I can see this is hard.â
You slow down, become deeply present, and create space for transformation.
With your child, it means listening beyond the momentâtuning into who they are becoming.
It invites co-creation, growth, and deeper connection.
đ± Fathering potential: âIâm not just solving this momentâIâm helping shape who youâre becoming.â
Listening is more than hearingâitâs love in action.
When a child feels deeply heard, they feel safe, valued, and understood.
Moving from empathic to generative listening creates space for healing, creativity, and lasting bonds.
What do I tend to assume or expect when my child starts to speakâand how might that affect what I actually hear?
When have I recently been surprised by something my child said or didâand how did I respond?
What helps me open my heart when my child is strugglingâand what makes it harder to do so?
Can I recall a moment when my full, quiet presence helped my child say or do something they hadnât before? What emerged?
What kind of inner environment do I create when I listenâhurried and reactive, or spacious and safe? What might shift if I slowed down?
Theme: Fathering as cultural legacy and future-making
Goals: Celebrate growth, clarify commitments, and mark transitions
Third Thing: Ceremony, video message from an elder, or river rock ritual
Activities:
A Father's Commitment Scribe activity
Collect your "Remember" poem, your "Fatherhood Growth" summary and your "Listening Reflections" summary and upload them to the GPT by hitting the + sign.Â
Work with the scribe to perfectly design your authentic commitment statement for your children / family.
Decide how you might want to present, display or gift that at our final celebration.
âBecoming the Bridgeâ closing circle:Â
Invitational sharing of commitments
Each names one gift they now carry
Process poem "Becoming the Bridge"
There is a quiet you enter
once the work of pushing is doneâ
not the quiet of death
but of standing still in the middle,
where the river narrows.
A man doesnât build the bridge.
He becomes it.
His feet planted in his fatherâs gravel,
his arms lifted toward the blueprints
his children are scribbling
on the wind.
The gift is not knowingâ
but remaining.
The gift is not wisdomâ
but being willing to listen again
to the story your own father couldnât finish.
Sometimes the gift is silence.
Sometimes it is remembering
how your grandfatherâs eyes
shifted when the war was mentioned.
Or how your sonâs mouth
tightens when he feels ashamed.
You donât need the whole story
to hold both ends.
There is a breath you carry
like a lantern
that flickers more than it shines.
It lights nothing ahead
but warms your ribs,
so your children can hear
how fire sounds
when it is waiting.
You do not tell them
where to walk.
You tell them what it felt like
to walk blind through fog
and still come out dry.
You hold their questions
like tools
in the belt your father left you.
Not answers,
but weight.
But usefulness.
But something worn smooth
by the hands of many men.
Being the bridge means
you never stop achingâ
but you learn the ache
is a direction.
Not pain,
but purpose stretching
from then to now to next.
There are mornings you will wake
with no name for what you are.
Let them pass.
The work is below naming.
The work is the listening post
between what has been
and what could be.
The greatest gift is this:
you get to stand
in the only place
where everything
still touches.
Learn from your own place in the arc:
Where do you feel yourself standing between what came before and what is becoming? How do you honor the past without being bound by itâand make room for the future without controlling it?
Learn from the wisdom of stillness and silence:
When you pause in the âmiddle of the bridge,â what do you hear? What truths surface when you're not trying to fix, teach, or leadâonly to listen?
Learn from the ones walking ahead of you now:
What are your childrenâor the next generationâshowing you about the world theyâre building? How can you offer your presence as ballast, not blueprint?