Dealing with Transition

Any time we face a move from one place to another it’s easy to deal with tensions in relationships by ignoring them. Unfortunately, difficulties don’t go away when we move. Instead, as we leave, we carry with us our mental baggage of unresolved problems.

Reconciliation includes both the need to forgive and to be forgiven. How that happens may vary among cultures. Obviously, true reconciliation depends on the cooperation and response of the other party as well, but we at least need to do all we can reconcile any broken relationships before leaving.

Relationships are built and maintained through affirmation – the acknowledgment that each person in the relationship matters. Again, styles or customs of affirmation vary from culture to culture but in every culture we must let others know we respect and appreciate them.

Here are four ways to do so:

1. 1. Take time to tell teachers and peers you have enjoyed working/learning with them.

   2. Tell friends how important their friendship has been, perhaps leaving some memento of a special time you have shared.

   3. Send a note with a small gift to your neighbors to let them know what you’ve learned through your interactions with them.

   4. Reassure parents, siblings, and close friends of your love and respect and that you don’t leave them lightly.

Affirming others helps us as well as those we affirm. It not only solidifies our relationships for future contact, but in expressing what they have meant to us, we are also reminded of what we have gained from living in this place.

Saying good-bye to people, places, and possessions in culturally appropriate ways is important if we don’t want to have deep regrets later. We need to schedule time for these farewells during the last few weeks and days.

Even as we are saying the good-byes and processing the sad reality of those good-byes, we need to think realistically about our destination. This is also the time to look at our external (e.g., finances, family support structure) and internal (e.g., ability to deal with stress or change) resources for coping with problems we might find. If we don’t think through some of these issues, our adjustment may be rockier once we arrive at the new destination. Of course, we can never have a perfect picture of what life in the new place will be like, but doing our best to prepare beforehand can prevent a lot of problems later on.