Living Godless

When encountering the word “Pagan,” what images come to mind? Do you picture Satanic pentagrams? Animal sacrifices? Evil? What assumptions could be inferred of my childhood, based on this word alone? Probably bad ones, right?

Allow me to clear the air. Religion can be respite for so many people, giving them hope, motivation, and inspiration for their lives. Religion can be a coping mechanism, explaining how and why tragedy strikes. Religion actively explains the principle that everything occurs for a reason, crediting a higher power. Religion pacifies fear- death, illness, tragedy- through spiritual guidance and comfort. I respect these constructs. However, I am content to live outside of them.

My religious upbringing presents a unique story in itself, one that I frequently gloss over in conversation. I want to placate to my religious audience, purely out of fear I would be ostracized. However, this conversation is important. I continue to learn from my story and hope that anyone listening will find something to hold on to.

Raised in a primarily Christian area, my family chose to baptize me as an infant. However, at the mere age of five months, I had no semblance of faith. In fact, I didn’t have semblance of much at all. As I grew older, my parents realized the curiosity I had for the world around me. They grew to regret my baptism- afraid of indoctrinating me into an ideology that I would feel trapped in. Not wanting to completely isolate me from faith, my mother took it upon herself to introduce me to a variety of religious practices, uniquely allowing me the choice of what I believed in. After all, as I reflect on my childhood today, I understand that an individual’s personal beliefs should not be imposed. While my mother sometimes regrets not structuring my childhood within a religion, I’m grateful for this.

At the time, this decision of choice was unheard of in our community. Almost every child in my elementary classes went to church and Bible Study each and every Sunday, and biblical references became commonplace at dance lessons and Girl Scout meetings. With this came my inherent isolation from the world around me- how could I relate to a community that I knew so little about? How could I relate to a community that seemed to reject me? I subconsciously struggled with these questions for a long time as I searched for a place to belong. As I quickly learned the prevalence of religious stereotyping, I learned to strengthen my tolerance for diversity.

My mother gave me the best gift she could have- knowledge. Giving me piles upon piles of books which illustrated different religions and covering both theories of creationism and evolution, she wanted me to learn for myself. We visited centers of Christian, Universalist, Jewish and other faiths. As I learned of each belief system, I found so much fascination for the stories and principles held by others. While I now have little to no memory of these experiences, one in particular sticks in my mind to this day.

About an hour from my home, my mother and I began to visit Highland Farms. There, I learned of Wicca. Wicca, a branch of the modern Pagan tree, is an earth-based religion in which the practitioners- sometimes referred to as witches and wizards- celebrate the earth that supports them and the gods and goddesses which represent elements of nature. Polytheism piqued my interest. In a conservative, patriarchal community, I found comfort in relating to Wicca’s then-foreign themes of female empowerment and goddess-based worship. A religion in which women were celebrated alongside their male counterparts was incredibly empowering to experience.

The things I learned through Wicca remain with me today. I now know that almost all stereotypes of Paganism prove false. No, our offerings were not live babies or blood. “Witches” are simply people believing in and practicing magick (this is the Wiccan spelling, not a typo!). Wiccans do not believe in the devil, nor do they worship it. My childhood was not tainted by polytheism.

Interestingly enough, we left the practice because of close-mindedness. Many of the people believed they held the only way to practice Wicca. A community that seemed so open quickly closed itself off to me, so we left. However, I still apply some of the principles of what I learned there in my life today- the respect for our natural world and feeling at peace with the soul.

Years later, past this “phase” of my life, I found myself in middle school. Like most middle schoolers, I felt insecure in myself. Tired of being a spiritual outsider, I desperately wanted to fit in with my friends- almost all of them going to church on a weekly basis. So, I begged my mom, and we went. In the two years we spent there, I learned so much. However, of all the things I learned, I learned that I didn’t believe in God. I bit my tongue as bible study leaders discussed the evils of Paganism. The intolerance I felt there suffocated me. I did not feel a sense of belonging there, nor was I awakened with the spirit of Christ. Each time someone asked if I was saved, I gritted my teeth and felt obligated to lie. How did this happen? Regardless of how uninspired I felt, I finally fit in with my peers and community. Was this really what I wanted?

It wasn’t. Now, as an eighteen year old, I live a mostly faithless life, completely by choice. I’m fully content without religion in my life. Simply, I don’t need it. A Pew Research (2018) survey finds that 79% of Pennsylvanians are Christian, and 61% of Pennsylvanians definitely believe in God. While I am not one of these individuals, I still believe in the power of the universe. Perhaps there is a greater power. I can hold these beliefs and interests without having a defined religion, along with the religiously unaffiliated 21%. My life is worth no less than one supplemented with religion. I do not need religion to justify my beliefs, nor do I need it as motivation to help others. However, because of my religious background, I can relate more easily to those of other backgrounds. My awareness for intolerance strengthens my acceptance of others, and this is something I’m proud of.

I am self sufficient. I believe that any tragedy I endured in my life thus far would have happened, regardless of my religious beliefs. I believe in the power of humanity. We, as humans, have so much potential. So, love without religious boundaries. Believe, or don’t believe, in anything and everything. And, most importantly, allow your neighbors to do the same. Thank you.

References

Antony, P. (2017, September 29). Living My Own Religion – Countercurrents. Retrieved from https://countercurrents.org/2017/09/29/living-my-own-religion/

Creationism. (2018, May 08). Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Creationism

Evolution tattoo. DNA concept. Evolution scale from unicellular organism to mammals. Symbol of science, education, medical technologies. People and animals on DNA chains, surreal t-shirt design. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.shutterstock.com/image-vector/evolution-tattoo-dna-concept-scale-unicellular-691483894

Jesus Saved Cheryl Meril From Hell. (1970, January 01). Retrieved from http://cherylkicksass.blogspot.com/2012/03/signs-from-god-angel-appears-in-clouds.html

Legge, D. (n.d.). Bible study series from David Legge. Retrieved from https://www.preachtheword.com/biblestudy.html

The Moonlight Shop. (n.d.). What do you need on your altar? Retrieved from https://themoonlightshop.com/blogs/news/16062668-what-do-you-need-on-your-altar

Pentacle. (n.d.). Retrieved from http://dresdenfiles.wikia.com/wiki/Pentacle

Photobucket. (n.d.). Retrieved from http://photobucket.com/gallery/user/yvonne_davis/media/bWVkaWFJZDoyNDEzMDE5OQ==/?ref=

Wicca Symbols. (n.d.). Retrieved from http://www.world-religions-professor.com/wiccasymbols.html

Wormald, B. (2015, May 11). Religious Landscape Study. Retrieved from http://www.pewforum.org/religious-landscape-study/state/pennsylvania/

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