When initiating conversations, allow children to set the tone and follow their lead, assess how much they know and what they want to know while considering their reactions and being sensitive to their levels of distress. Sometimes less information is more.

Questions you might pose:

“Have you heard about the Coronavirus?”

“What do you know?”

“What do you want to know?”

Facts:

1. The coronavirus is similar to other viruses like those that cause sore throats or stomachaches; the difference is coronavirus is new so we do not know as much about it
2. Scientists and doctors from all around the world are working hard to figure out how to keep people healthy, how to help people that have become sick from the virus, and how to prevent the virus from spreading from person to person
3. Scientists and doctors have recommended that families, schools, and communities work together to keep each other healthy by keeping some distance from one another and keeping germs from coming into our bodies through frequent hand-washing and cleaning surfaces
4. The risk to children and healthy parents is small and that most of the time when children and healthy adults have been exposed, they only experience mild symptoms similar to having the flu or a common cold.

It is worth noting that parents should be prepared to be unprepared to answer every question that a child might have. It is appropriate to let your child know that you need to get more information or you need some time to think about their question. Let your child know that you would like to have more conversations and that you are available to listen any time that they have worries or wonders.

Reassure children by normalizing their experience. You might let your child know that many other children are having the similar wonders and worries. Practice practical optimism and keep your conversations as positive as possible, including talking about school closing in a positive light (e.g., opportunity to enjoy extra family time). It is important to help children feel secure by establishing routines as well as predictable and sustainable schedules that include cognitive engagement, play and movement, and meaningful connection with family and friends. Limit exposure to the news and social media that provides information directed for an adult audience and can be difficult for children to understand.

Script scaffolds for the toughest questions

“C” = child, “P” = parent

Tough Question #1

C: Is everyone going to die?

P: That’s a big scary question. You’re very brave to be able to ask it. I’m glad you’re able to ask such important questions. What has you thinking about that right now?

No matter what your child says here, you’re going in a good direction. You named the scariness, you acknowledged the courage, and you demonstrated the willingness to walk with your child through the question-door and into the space behind it.

P: What do you think? Is that possible?

Here your child might say “no,” or “I don’t know,” “probably not everybody,” or even “yes!” In any case, you’ll be in a good position to move from a catastrophe frame to an empowerment, prevention, and care frame. Now you can engage in a conversation about washing hands, and all the things caring people like us can do to stay healthy and help others stay healthy.

P: Hey, I have a great little book/video about the virus and things we can do… Would you like to think about things you can do to help us here in our house? Maybe make sure we have soap where we need it? Maybe make a sign to help us remember to wash our hands? What do you think?

Tough Question #2

C: Are you/grandpa-grandma… going to die?

P: What’s your sense of how the coronavirus works -- whether or not it can kill people?

Again, almost no matter how your child responds, you’re in a good position to provide factual reassurance that even if folks get the virus, most will get all better.

“The truth is that people are amazingly strong and able to avoid or overcome most illnesses. We have no reason to think that anyone in our family is going to die from the coronavirus.”

If there is anyone in your family who has the coronavirus or who is contending with a serious illness, of course this conversation will go differently. If you might benefit from discussing such a circumstance, please feel free to contact Dr. Mercedes or Dr. Hoyt.

Tough Question #3

C: What if I get the coronavirus?

P: Of all human beings, young people are sometimes the best at getting better after they get sick. Just think of the times you’ve been sick. You got better every time! It’s pretty unlikely that you or anyone in our family will get the coronavirus, but if any of us do, we’ll do what we always do when someone is sick. We’ll take care of each other. Get help from doctors and get all better as soon as possible.

After reading these scripts, you might ask, shouldn’t I just immediately answer “No! Of course we’re not all going to die! No one in our family is going to get sick!”

You can most certainly do that if, knowing your child as only you do, you think that is the best response for them. The advice to invite conversation is rooted in the potential benefit of letting your child somewhat independently reason their way through their worry towards good answers to tough questions.