Embedded Files
Maybe You are Unaware
Maybe You are Unaware
By Junior Leigha Barnhill
Maybe you are unaware
About how much I adore you
And it’s not only because of
The way you smile
Or your beautiful eyes
It’s because I’ve started to
Get to know you
And maybe I don’t know you completely
But that’s the thing about you
The more I get to know you
The more I want to know you
I want to know about everything pent up
In that tough heart of yours
Because you act like you can handle everything
And you don’t share what you endure
I want to know your story
Because everyone has their own
I want to know what makes you you
And there are so many things
I still don’t know about you
Maybe you don’t know
But I can listen to you forever
Because your voice is now my favorite sound
I can look at you forever
Because your name is the only thing
My eyes shout
I can spend with you countless moments
Because your presence is all I want
I Don't Want to Just Love You
I Don't Want to Just Love You
By Junior Leigha Barnhill
I don’t want to just love you
I want to know you the way the ocean knows the
shore;
returning ,again and again, never tiring of the way you change.
I want to hold you so close
That your laughter hums beneath my ribs
That your sadness finds shelter in my palms
That even in silence, we speak in heartbeats
Let’s not just exist side by side;
let’s blur the lines between where you end and I
begin,
until love isn’t something we do,
but something we are.
Forever, I will Be Here
Forever, I will Be Here
By Freshman Brayden Summerlin
Here, where laughter lingers in these halls,
The voices fade, but not the message
Time has transitioned to a new era, I suppose
Yet, this place remembers all it knows.
Red, white, and silver paint tell the tale
Of adolescents so long ago and their dreams that sail
Lockers shut with a metal boom
The whispers, the shouts, and the bell throughout the classroom.
By 2005, the walls displayed,
The rise of tech, a digital age
Flip phones buzzed in concealed hands
Yet, chalkboards remained with teachers’ plans.
In 2015, a faster pace,
Screens virtually reflected a face
Selfies snapped spread fast
Yet, the yearbooks remained with a blast from the past.
And in 2025, with AI present,
Links are spread when notes would’ve appeared
But still, the connections are formed
Which affects the lives to be transformed
Now, a freshman finds an old photo
Captured with the smile of someone chanting “Hello!”
A teacher and a student bonding, social, and all
Their time here slips like a sieve of sand.
The teachers sigh, their final year
The students are bittersweet, yet memories are crystal clear
The shoes squeaking, the awards reflect
All aspects of the idyllic dream.
And in the future, what will be seen?
Perspectives and people run amok
Yet, books and boards remain, all awesome,
Timeless sounds of imprinted footsteps come.
I watch, I hold, I keep
The laughter, joy, and even a weep
Forever, I will be here
Here, where laughter lingers in these halls.
Flu Season
By Madeline Harrison
Coughing and wheezing
We keep on breathing
It’s just a cough
Those who are healthy scoff
You need rest
Do your best
We’ll keep getting sick
It’s just like a prick
The vaccine won’t hurt
Just like a little blurt
We’ll get better
Change the weather
Just need the same
Don’t give out the blame
Now the cold
Is getting old
Give us heat
Not more sleet
The sick will go
As the spring winds blow.
Where I'm From
Where I'm From
By Makayla Procter
I am from breezy summer days
Back and forth on a swing that i believed could take me anywhere
I am from sweet warm strawberries plucked from the garden
The ruby colored juice that dripped from my chin
I am from sour grass fresh in the spring
A bitter taste collides to my tongue
I am from running around with Imaginary friends
Dancing to a joyful melody with one only I can see
I am from salty tear pouring down my face
The scrape on my knees from my adventures outside
I am my mothers warmth as she kisses it better
As she bandaged my scrapy knees she also bandaged my heart
I am the sounds of childhood laughter
I am the taste of grandmother's chocolate cake
I am the smell of freshly cut grass from the yard on a warm spring day
I am my childhood memories
The Equinox In Between
The Equinox In Between
By Brayden Summerlin
“Suck out all the marrow of life,” Thoreau said
Yet, why is life too naive to do so?
I am stuck in between
In between darkness and light, winter and spring
The cold influences the discomfort
It’s tight, chaotic, and full of turmoil
Though I see the Sun, it is bright
However, the storm alters it into a night
Overwhelmed, which path to take?
Life is full of doubt, with a left turn appearing fake
My meaning is lost; it is too far gone to grasp
I can’t slow down, I can’t press pause
Uncertain, I am swallowed by a burden
It consumes my spirit whole, nothing to be seen in my soul
Ups and downs, my mood is transformed
Gray fades away as my meaning is no longer swarmed
The clouds cover the skies for all to see
They exhibit an anticipation of joy
Soon, the triumph will arrive
Resilient I am, for the battle is almost over
What does being in between entail?
Perhaps gloom, perhaps glory, or not at all
Such a threshold holds the potential to make room
Make room for time, indeed
Time has proven clarity and care
In a world with no confirmation; it is rare
An equinox is in the works
Or is it peace, finally?
The reality is ambiguous
Merely, a balanced seesaw in a playground
On one side, truth
On the other, lies
In the center, there is harmony
Harmony to thrive in existence
A fresh, welcome start begins
Which arised from the equinox
The equinox in between.
End of the line
End of the line
By Kierstin Conner
The food has gone cold now
My eyes are growing tired
And I start to wonder
If I’d ended my vow?
The end of the line
In my own story
Will I move on
Or will I swing by swine?
Save me, my god
From the darkness around me
Lift me from the trenches
And raise me high with the flawed
I want to feel lively
To feel it in my veins
And restore my vision
So I can see clearly
Like I have once before.
I Come From
I Come From
By Emily Byrd
I come from early mornings and early nights.
From the static on the box TV where I watch movies.
The sound of the VHS player ticking and the sound of popcorn I shared with my brother.
I come from the morning I woke up before the sun to say goodbye to my dad for work.
To the sound of my dad waking me up in the morning for school.
I come from days spent outside barefoot in the grass.
Two days spent on the Wii playing sports.
I come from playing my uncle’s old Super Nintendo and my grandma laughing.
I come from nights spent camping in the front yard and days burning wood.
I come from push pops and blow-up pools.
I come from imaginary games with my friends at recess.
To sketch in my notebooks and give them to my teachers.
The summer playing Mario Kart against my dad and losing every time.
I come from the 2000’s
And I'll never forget it.
We Don't Get Snow Here
We Don't Get Snow Here
By Emily Byrd
I love the snow, but do not like the cold.
As it's white powder lay softly,
telling tales of old.
Try as I might, and pray to the sky,
every few years the heaven will cry.
To see the white cover the ground,
the feeling of the soft cold all around.
But to my dismay, the snow that lay melts away.
Why be sad?
When I know I should be glad.
This warm place I call home is a lonely place inside this salty dome.
The call for snow is all about, but all I can feel is doubt.
When snow does come it’s a blast but now, it’s a distant memory of the past.
Now once again they speak of snow.
But will it fall?
I never know.
But today to my shock,
The snow was in stock.
The ice and snow that lay on the ground,
A pleasant surprise all around.
Not for just a day but for a week,
But just you know it wasn’t bleak.
This snow’s occasion is rare,
So all I could do was stare.
This now was a great start to this year,
But alas,
We don’t get snow here.
The BCECHS Edition of "Twas The Night Before Christmas"
The BCECHS Edition of "Twas The Night Before Christmas"
By: Brayden Summerlin
‘Twas the night before Christmas and in the halls of Early College,
Not a student was practicing the 5 R’s, or gaining knowledge,
The lanyards were left unused, no one dared to wear one,
In hopes that there would be few teachers around, hopefully none.
The students and staff felt quite depressed,
With no upcoming Club Fridays, the news was certainly expressed,
Mrs. Absher in her Firebird attire, us using our lockers,
Thinking about what classes we’ll soon have that are gonna be honors.
When in C Building, there came such silence,
We were all appalled, who had the guidance?
Suddenly, Mr. Elliott came in a flash,
He exclaimed like someone in a holiday bash.
Although Christmas was near,
Very few people showed any festive cheer,
But something did happen, it did appear,
Which changed everyone’s attitude to steer.
We knew it was someone from the staff,
Who made us all laugh,
Just who in fact could it be?
Now, he was close enough for us all to see.
Mr. Tantillo in a Santa costume waving,
It was unbelievable, but yet saving,
Even his language was shocking of his usual behaving,
He was shouting, “Now, Freshmen! Now, Sophomores! Now, Juniors! Now, Seniors!
Was it real or was it an illusion?
Again, was this genuine, or was it delusion?
No, it couldn’t be, there was no way,
Just then, we saw him in a sleigh.
He continued, “Finally, Graduates!
He encouraged us all to be advocates,
This, I knew was incredible, rightfully so,
For it wasn’t just Mr. T in this glorious show!
More joined in, and even more sang along!
Could this phenomenon be so wrong
Delight was spread throughout everyone,
And now, we knew the Christmas season had only just begun!
The crowd began singing Christmas carols for all,
They inspired friends all over campus, it was a call,
But, I knew it was coming to an end,
I couldn’t think but to depend.
That this performance would last,
After time passed by, we were aghast,
At the shocking discovery right in front of us.
Mr. Elliott came back, just past the shuttle bus.
He was in a costume, yet different from Mr. T,
It was Freddy the Firebird! Mr. Elliott had glee!
The pinnacle of the day, we knew for sure
Everything about this was pure.
Faintly, the volume wasn’t as loud and bright,
The only words I last heard were “Twas the Night…”,
I abruptly woke up and saw the dark sky,
The volume was alarming, I don’t know why.
Because what woke me up wasn’t a usual thing,
Since I did hear one person sing something,
It was in a great sound, maybe a delight,
“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"
Holiday
Holiday
By Kierstin Conner
The thrill of surprises
And smiles of glee
Are what bring us together
On this day of unity
I will never forget
The taste of joy
While I sit on the floor
With my new toy
This day is cold
But yet so warm
As we sit by the fire
Ignoring the storm
Though I am older now
I’ll never falter
because the feel of this day
Will never alter
Happy Holidays!
Happy Holidays!
By: Danielle Harrell
The bright lights flickering and shining with all the colors of the rainbow
And the soft snow under my feet
It was merry
The large Christmas tree in the central town
The star and ornaments shining under the moon
With the lights to aid it in its beauty
It was merry
I felt the whole scenery shining a light in my heart
All the families expressing joy to one another
Lovers showing appreciation for the time spent together
It was merry
And even though I have no family to enjoy
No lover to be happy beside
The feeling I had
It was merry
That’s why this is my favorite holiday and my favorite season
And why it only makes sense I push forward with this cursed life
So I can see this scenery and it can bless me
So, to show that I care for this time of year
I cup my hands over my mouth and say proudly and with joy
“Happy Holidays!”
Christmas Anew
Christmas Anew
By: Josie Baroski
When you're five years old, Christmas is the most magical day of the year
Santa came, your stocking is filled, and you are full of cheer
The smell of warm cinnamon rolls fills the air
But, as you get older, something happens to the day once filled with so much cheer
You know Santa’s not real so there isn’t any reason to go to bed early
You wake up much later, as the excitement has worn off a bit
The presents you open are no longer toys, but clothes and makeup
Younger you would not be happy, but 14 year old you is ecstatic
Yes, things have changed and you miss feeling the excitement of a young child, But there’s also something about being able to enhance the magic for smaller kids all around you
The changed Christmas traditions are the same, nothing much has changed
It's just that the thoughts and feelings of you have simply rearranged.
Photo Source: Rachael Roe
The Red Bird
The Red Bird
By Gabriel Hughes
Sitting quietly on a wall,
So peaceful and serene,
A red bird sits grooming its wing.
Making his call.
Much different, a rather unique yet wonderful thing.
A symbol of internal peace and love,
He helps to show, someone is watching from above.
In your darkest hour, you will see,
This sign of hope, which lets your worries be free.
There a young boy stands,
With nothing to spare,
Nothing he has and his feet so bare.
But, with a wink from above,
He is given more than a glove.
He is given hope,
Which allows him to cope,
With his immeasurable loss.
So, he kneels, in anguish, to the cross.
To his god, he prays,
For many brighter days.
When he can be happy again,
Just being around his kin.
Will this day ever come?
He is not sure.
As sad as it is,
There may never be a cure,
For deep sadness.
But there is a chance,
That in the future ahead
His stomach will be filled,
With more than just bread.
His hope, not strong,
And the days, long.
As he rises from his prayer
He sees the red bird, sitting on the cross.
And with that, he knows,
peace will come.
Fall...or Autumn
Fall...or Autumn
By Danielle Harrell
The crunch of the leaves underneath our feet was satisfying. The cool breeze that curved around me felt comforting. The forest and its array of yellow, orange, red, and brown leaves were a beautiful sight to see, and her standing with me made it even more astonishing. We were walking down a dirt road far out from my house. She was staying over at my family’s for a few days. Me and her usually go out walking at least once every time we meet when the weather starts getting cold. We have been doing this since we were kids, so it's become part of our routine of being best friends.
“I love the fall so much. Whether you're inside watching TV or outside admiring the work Mother Nature is doing. It’s a gorgeous season, and there’s no way anyone can deny that.” I looked up from my boots to see her looking all around and smiling. She was not wrong, not at all. Autumn was my favorite season too. Everything about it is so cozy and relaxing. It could be a great family bonding time or days where you can kick in and do literally nothing. “Yeah, I would trade anything just for the world to stay in Autumn all the time.” Our journey was coming to an end when we saw the wooden fence that blocks the rest of the road.
“What if we just continued walking y’know? Ignore the sign and keep marching! Wouldn’t that be fun?” I looked at her to make sure she was joking, but she didn’t look like it. “We are two 17 year old girls, who know what might happen if we go over there. Please think rationally.” She rolled her eyes but caught up with me as I started walking back to where we came. “When we get back, wanna bake some stuff and eat it with your family as we watch Autumn shows, if there is any?” She smiled while wrapping her arms around one of mine. Of course, it was a little awkward since we had massive coats on. “Of course! You’re so smart when it comes to thinking of ideas, I swear!” The sounds of leaves crunching filled my ears again. Everything about this was peaceful, until she called my name again. “What’s up?” She went quiet again. “It’s Fall, not Autumn.” I rolled my eyes and just scoffed. “Yeah, whatever. Autumn, or Fall, is the best season, okay?” We both giggled as we made our way back to my house.
I wouldn’t trade anything in the world to get out of a life like this. There’s too much to appreciate in it. My parents, my siblings, my friends, and my best friends are still hanging on my arm for some reason. As I felt warm inside from my coat and happiness, both our stomachs started growling. We had another giggle, then started sprinting to the house.
Life Is Not Fair
Life Is Not Fair
By Aubrie Welker
“Life’s not fair” he says
And for the first time in awhile
we agree
He’s right
Life isn’t fair
It’s not fair that he gets to sleep fine at night
It’s not fair that I have to feel an eternal filth
It’s not fair that his soul feels clean while I scrub my skin raw
It’s not fair that I loved him
It’s not fair that he got to be loved by me
So yes I agree
He is right
Life isn’t fair
Halloween: Then vs. Now
Halloween: Then vs. Now
By Danielle Harrell
Halloween. The scariest day in October as well as Autumn season. There’s people who dress up in costumes and go door-to-door asking for candy, and people who stay at home while watching scary movies, excited for the thrill and horror. Halloween is a time of thrilling celebrations, but here are some questions to answer regarding the spooky day: Where did Halloween come from? What’s old and what’s new about Halloween? In order to understand this, we need to look at the history of Halloween. The start of Halloween dates back to 2,000 years ago in modern Ireland. A group of Indo-Europeans called the Celts resided there. The Celts had an annual festival on October 31st called Samhain. The Celts believed November 1st would be the time of the new year, and during Samhain, they believed that the boundaries between the living and the dead “blended together”, so they would celebrate with the belief that the dead were roaming their land. Around 43 A.D., the Romans had successfully conquered the majority of the Celtic land. With that, festivals from the Romans’ side mixed with the Celts’ Samhain. One festival that blended with Samhain was the festival of the passing of the dead. This was called Feralia. The second was to honor the goddess of fruits and nature, Pomona. It’s believed that since Pomona’s symbol was apples, bobbing for apples may have originated from this period in time. With the upbringing of Christianity in the region during the 9th century, All Souls’ Day on November 2nd was established. Like Samhain, people lit bonfires, had parades, and dressed up as not-real beings like saints and devils. This day was called many names, like Hallow’s Eve, but people settled on finally calling it Halloween. In the New World, Halloween wasn’t majorly celebrated by the 13th Colonies, but when immigrants started traveling there, the different beliefs and festivals held during this time created our version of Halloween. Halloween has gone through many changes over the years, and the present day Halloween has so much more built on top of it. Along with the idea of dressing up, going door-to-door asking for candy and other “treats” created our “Trick-or-Treating”. It first originated in England though. People in poverty would receive All Souls’ Cakes in honor of them praying for dead relatives. Communities decided it would be best to make Halloween a more community-based celebration. Parties made for adults and children were normalized during the holiday, and anything scary or grotesque was taken out. These parties consisted of games, costumes, and food that went with the season. Religion was starting to be separated from Halloween since the morbid parts of the holiday were abolished. A repeated problem started showing up: vandalism. People would act in vandalism during parades and parties. Slowly, the problem was fixed and communities decided it would be best if Halloween parties were celebrated in school classrooms and homes since Halloween started appealing to younger kids due to the Baby Boom after World War II. Trick-or-Treat was restored and people really made sure to leave out treats, so they didn't get a trick. Halloween movies are an iconic form of entertainment during this time, the horror going along with the spooky season. One movie started it all though: Halloween. As Halloween created multiple movies, it started the road to many slasher films like “Scream” and “Friday the 13th”. The beginning of Halloween was based mainly on religion and beliefs, but as it moved to the new world and began to celebrate Halloween greatly, it was mixed in with immigrant celebrations like telling stories while sitting around a fire. The shift in Halloween beginning to target kids was an immense change too. An Irish tale called Stingy Jack became a world-wide Halloween tradition: creating jack-o’-lanterns. Many other immigrant actions webbed our version of Halloween. Some examples include bats. Bats would gather up during Samhain bonfires. The perspective of witches changed from them being dark and creepy to representations of magic. Black cats came from the superstitions from medieval times about them being associated with witches. Because of this, some people believe black cats carry around bad luck, while others think black cats are a charm of good luck. To sum it all up, many groups of people contributed to our modern version of Halloween but it was the Celtic people that started it all. Even with that, every version of Halloween was and still is a great and warming celebration. The thrill and horror along with the treats makes Halloween worth celebrating.
The History Behind the Mona Lisa
The History Behind the Mona Lisa
By Kat Totten
Although most people are aware of what the Mona Lisa is, many people do not know the full history behind this famous oil painting.
Leonardo Da Vinci, the famous artist behind the Mona Lisa, was born on April 15, 1452 in Vinci, Italy. When Da Vinci was 15 years old his father apprenticed him to an artist by the name of Andrea Del Verrocchio. It was in this workshop where Da Vinci would come to receive extensive training in painting, sculpting, and technical-mechanical arts.
The precise date of when Da Vinci painted the Mona Lisa is unknown, as are many other factors such as who is it in the painting. There are many theories about who is really the person depicted in the Mona Lisa. Many famous artists believe that it is actually Da Vinci himself in the painting, and it was a self portrait.
Another theory, and perhaps the most well known, is that it was a portrait of Lisa Gherardini Del Giocondo, wife of a wealthy Florentine. This painting is thought to have been commissioned for the Giocondo’s new home, as a way to celebrate the birth of their second son, Andrea. However, this has never been confirmed and there is no real evidence of this claim.
Da Vinci continued working on the Mona Lisa until his premature death in 1519. So the question many scholars ask is, if this painting truly was for the Giocondo family, why wasn’t the painting delivered to them upon Da Vinci’s death? Despite the painting never officially being finished, why wasn’t it at least given to the family who it was made for rather than King Frances I in 1519?
This painting is unsigned and undated, and although many pieces at this time began adding records of the sitters name or social status, no such status can be found on the mona lisa. There are also no recorded records of a commission for this painting among any of Da Vinci’s papers.
So who was the “Mona Lisa” as depicted in the painting? The short answer is we don’t know. All of history points to this portrait not truly being who it is believed to be. Was it truly Da Vinci in the portrait? Was it a secret lover of his that had never been put on record? Unfortunately we may never find out.
The reason the Mona Lisa has had such a huge impact on the art world is because of the timeless beauty it emits and the complexity of the piece considering its time of creation. The Mona Lisa was put into the Louvre Museum in Paris, France after the French Revolution, and continues to attract millions of tourists from all over the world.
Although we may never find out the true identity of The Mona Lisa, Da Vinci was still an incredible artist and it isn’t hard to acknowledge that he is one of the most influential artists to ever live, continuing to inspire and encourage artists today all around the globe.
Day of the Dead
Day of the Dead
By: Yulissa Garcia Flores
Day of the Dead, Día de Muertos, is commonly celebrated from November 1st and 2nd. The Aztec people originated the Day of the Dead, now central Mexico. It is commonly kept in the Catholic calendar. Ofrendas are made for households, graves, and public spaces. An ofrenda is made to honor their loved ones who have passed away. On Ofrendas, people decorate them with “cempasúchils” or marigolds. They would leave them pan de muerto, which they ate when they were alive. For example, some people would sometimes drink, so they would give them a beer or tequila.
In Mexico, their Day of the Dead starts on October 27 and ends on November 3. On the 27th is the day when pets and street animals come. On the 28th you light the first candle and a white flower is placed to receive the souls alone. On the 29th you light another candle and a glass of water is placed, dedicated to the deceased, forgotten, and helpless. On the 30th you light a new candle, another glass of water is placed and white bread is placed for the deceased who left without eating or those who had an accident. On the 31st you light a fourth candle, place another glass of water, another piece of white bread, and fruit. This is for the ancestors. That is great-grandparents and great-great-grandparents. On the 1st, it is All Saints' Day, the date on which the little angels arrive, who are the souls who died as children. On this day all the food is placed on the altar of the dead. The 2nd is known as All Souls' Day, the souls of the adult dead come to collect and eat the offerings that their family places on the altar. Copal incense is burned and a path is decorated with marigold petals to guide them in the offering. On the 3rd, the last white candle is lit. Copal is burned, the souls of our dead are bid farewell, and we ask them to return the following year. The offering is raised. You might have heard about the movies called Coco or The Book of Life. Those movies are movies about the Day of the Dead.
Change
Change
By: Kai Cicatello
By: Kai Cicatello
As seasons pass
So does each graduating class
From freshman to sophomore
I have many more freedoms to explore
The leaves are changing
A new tune is playing
With change comes adversity
And with adversity comes curiosity
Then to now
Things have changed
They may seem foul
But they'll be tamed
Here And Thereafter
Here And Thereafter
By Danielle Harrell
I met this girl in high school
We talked about a lot of things
We instantly connected
One day she said “I’ll always love you, here and thereafter”
I smiled, said it back,
And hugged her for a long time
We were always going to be together
Second year of school came around
It was pretty hard on her
She was failing
Mentally and physically
It got to a point where she looked like she had fully given up
I stayed with her through it all though
Because she’s my best friend
A time came where she sat with me and said she’s near death’s door, and laughed
I said nothing
She looked at me and with a sad smile,
She said “I’ll miss you”
I smiled and said it back
“We’ll always love each other here and thereafter”
We crossed our pinky fingers over each other
Nothing would get in the way of us
Not her school life getting better
Not even her death before my eyes
Because even if she’s gone
In my heart,
We’ll always love each other
Here and thereafter
This Upcoming Fall
This Upcoming Fall
By: Liliana Phillips
Fall is when the beautiful leaves start to change color like red, yellow and a golden chestnut brown and it starts to get a little cooler so you can wear those cute sweaters and smell like pumpkin spice in the morning. I'm told that a lot of people like fall, but is that true? I asked some students around the campus, what makes fall so great? Freshman Rayne Martin say’s “Yea, fall is one of the best times of year for me. It's a middle ground for temperature and my allergies aren’t bad! I also love the outfits everyone comes up with!”, Freshman Tylah Gantt say’s” Yes, I like the fall because the weather is just right, not too cold and not too hot. I also like the sound and satisfaction of crunching the piles of leaves.” It is also a time for holidays like Halloween and Thanksgiving,Sophomore Roselyn Lopez say’s “ i love the fall, i love the smell of pumpkin spice, i love that you can light a candle, and they have so many cute halloween/fall blankets and the pumpkin pie is good and that thanksgiving in the fall season, we feast trust”
Fall happens when the earth is slowly starting to tilt away from the sun, summer is starting to end and the weather gets colder due to winter. Fall is also the start of football season,Freshman Robby Overby say’s “ Yeah, I like the weather and the temperature and that it’s the start of football season!”
Freshman AriannaRose Milligan say’s “ I like the fall because the temperatures are perfect, I also really like the colors of the leaves and how it isn’t humid.”
I think some of us can agree Fall is a very liked season. It has perfect weather, not too cold but not too hot, it has a cute aesthetic, it smells good, and has beautiful colors, and is the start of football season.
To Help Them Find Themselves
To Help Them Find Themselves
By: Emelia Malpass
The beauty of living is being able to overcome the worst of what life throws at me. I am Emelia Malpass, and I wanted to write my accord on how important Suicide Awareness Month truly is. September is dedicated to Suicide Awareness Month, to celebrate and admire every victim that may have been feeling thoughts of suicide or have attempted. Personally for me, I have been a victim of both depression and suicidal thoughts. Once I first had those thoughts a few years back, it left a dark stain on a blank slate of a mind I had. A feeling to think deeper, a feeling of dread that hung over me, yet the beauty of realization that there were people just like me in this situation. When I wanted to attempt so desperately, I look back now with a new sense of hope for people who are in that place now. I may still feel pessimistic, but I also find myself finding more beauty in the small things of life.
I remember back in September of 2022, I found myself desperately wanting to attempt. Life was just falling apart, and I found myself drained due to a very special person of mine who was sent to the mental hospital for having these same thoughts. I helped her come out to the counselors and I was left without her for a month. She was, and still is my other half. And while I seemed okay on the outside, I was on my knees hoping someone would notice, and I felt no one noticed. But I realize now that they did notice, they just passed it off to me being a “teenager”. I was just listening to music while contemplating my life, and that’s when I first heard of “Radiohead”. Specifically the song “High and Dry”.
“You kill yourself for recognition,
kill yourself to never, ever stop
You broke another mirror,
You’re turning into something, you are not.”
These lyrics specifically were like memorizing Bible verses. They stung me in a way where I knew the main lyrical artist of Radiohead, Thom Yorke, was right, but also, how could I die if I had a chance to live for beautiful songs like this? When it comes to Suicide Awareness, the biggest thing that anyone can do, is not just being there for somebody, but knowing them better than they know themselves. To help them find themselves.
In the long process of living and taking the time to help other people find themselves, I lost myself in the process. Therefore, music became my therapy. Taking the time to be there for somebody is all that someone may need, or going above and beyond and helping them find themselves. To this day, I still feel as if I haven't found myself. Just because I thought of attempting one time, doesn’t mean things got easier. Maybe things got better but that’s just because I taught myself how to cope with myself, my flaws, my burdens I will always carry. But there's that comfort knowing I was never the only person suffering from the shackles of burdens, wanting to stand in a highway and pray one car didn’t miss me.
But I also would like everyone to know that there are people that care. So deeply, from afar. The people that may be scared to interact with that person, or have been going through all the same. There is no “unvalidated” feeling that can exist, including the thought of suicide. I have been told the same thing multiple times before and that’s the worst anyone can do. It is no joke, and should not be ignored nor sugarcoated.
And please know that the effects of this are chronic. I have personally still struggled with the effects, and am considered a more pessimistic person as a whole. But overall, it can strengthen the wisdom of an individual. Please, there is help you can reach out to. The world would be worse without your presence, and while I do not know you personally, maybe we will meet someday, if you stay. Thank you for reading my account on such a heavy topic, as this topic shouldn’t be handled with anything but care, as “mental health is health.” And if there is anybody reading this that does deal with these thoughts, intentions, or just feels as if nothing will get better, here are some hotlines that I heavily suggest reaching out to as it’ll more likely remain anonymous, and they can link to more local ways of help.
National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline
(988)
Hope4NC Crisis Hotline
1-855-587-3463
Trevor Hotline (Suicide)
1-866-4-U-TREVOR
Gay and Lesbian National Hotline
1-888-843-4564
Suicide Prevention Hotline
1-800-827-7571
Depression
Depression
By Lucian Stanley
I’m not sure where it all started.
How did I get here? I don’t feel like myself anymore, my skin and bones don’t seem like they belong to me. Sometimes, I feel that nothing is real, but other times, I feel the weight of the world bearing down on me. My body does not move as I wish it would. I cannot get up even though my limbs are fine. It’s as though I am rotting while thousands of hands are holding me down, and yet it is just my own limitations. I want to get up but I can’t. I swear I do, and people expect me to. The expectations weigh me down, and it hurts even more knowing that I cannot meet up to them. Ironically, even without such sentiments from others, I still wouldn’t be able to get up.
It smells bad
It’s sticky and it smells like I’ve died three times over. My body and sheets are damp with sweat that's been building up for days. Dirty plates and empty cans scatter around my room, housing its own ecosystems. I cannot even bear to look at myself or my room. It's all so disgusting and I hate it. I’m trapped inside my own wall of mess, as well as my own emotions.
I miss the comfort of my friends
My friends are worried about me, and yet somehow, I feel that they’re looking down on me. They don’t invite me out anymore because I always turn them down. Even though it’s my fault, I still feel lonely without such invitations.
It’s my fault
It’s all my fault. I’m the one who is bringing myself down, and yet I can’t help myself. I feel as though everyone hates me, and it’s all my fault. Everyone's the same, looking down on me. I hate them all, and I hate myself. I miss my friends and my family, but the way they look at me now is different. I’m disgusting, I’m horrible. How am I supposed to get out of this mess? I don’t want to feel like this anymore. Going outside won’t help, it won’t. How can I talk to my friends after all of this? How can I redeem myself?
It's too late.
Please, please, if anyone is out there, save me. I can’t help myself, and I can’t even accept help from others. I’m stuck in this horrible cycle. It’s too late for me. I can’t be saved. I wish I didn’t have to wake up. I don’t want to wake up. I don’t want to live like this anymore. Do I even want to live in general?
I don’t want to live.
I’ve stopped showing up at school. I don’t want to, I can’t. Every day is hard. I’ve become so envious of others. They’re so much happier than me. How can they run around and laugh when I’m suffering right here? When I can not even bear to move. I hate them all, their smiles, their energy, their voices. It’s all so loud, I don’t want to hear it. Not when I can’t even muster up a conversation, a deep breath. My friends asked me where I was, why I wasn’t going to school anymore, but even then, they gave up on me.
They have all given up on me
Even my parents. They’ve given up on the words that do not reach me. I know that I ignore those words, that I get angry at them when they urge me to come out of my room, when they tell me I would feel better if I cleaned it up, if I went out and had fun, if I did more, if I lived not as someone dead, but how I was before.
They don't understand
No one understands how I feel. How it hurts, how I ache physically and mentally. Why are my problems considered less than others? Why, when they affect me so much? Why does no one comprehend what I’m going through? Why am I so alone in this world? Why does no one feel bad for what I’m going through? I don’t need pity, I need someone who can truly listen to me. I don’t want the words telling me how I can better myself. I don’t want to hear the selfish sounds of others' voices offering me so benevolently a way to get out of this mess. I just want to talk to someone.
I just want someone to hear me out
I cannot tell my friends of my woes, I can’t even speak to them now. It’s too embarrassing, after distancing myself from everyone. Will they even want to talk to me now? My parents don’t get it, they try to offer solutions, to force them onto me, but it just makes things worse. I need someone to speak my mind to. Why I feel this way, why I don’t want to feel this way. To tell them how my day was, but not for them to pity me, not for them to offer solutions, just for them to listen. To hear, to take in the information. Not to ignore me for my repetitive cries. Not to get angry because despite the fact I want help, I won’t get myself out of this rut. I need someone. Anyone would do.
I want to live, despite all that I say.
Some days there is a light that shines on me, and I don’t feel as weighed down. On days I can bring myself to get up, to smile, to talk to friends and family. It isn’t as if nothing had happened. I can never change the way that I’ve been rotting in my room, the way that I’ve been feeling, but sometimes, on occasion, I feel alive. I can bring myself to eat, to speak, to enjoy living. On those days, I am happy.
Please give up on me.
Please never leave me alone.
You are the only one,
Where I can ever find a home.
And on these rainy days,
When I'm sitting on my own,
Think of me
And give me a reason to atone.
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