COURTESY OF GENTWENTY.COM VIA GENTWENTY.COM

Originally published June 12, 2023

WARNING: The contents of The Canine Comical are purely fictional and intended to be humorous, satirical. Readers are advised not to confuse them with real incidents. 

   At Mount Baker Middle School, our teachers tend to be pretty good at their job. Many students who graduate from Mount Baker go on to have successful careers, such as Jordin Joos Janssens, who went on to get the world record for the most durable head after a bully slammed him into a locker head first exactly two hundred times. But even with the teachers who help us achieve our dreams, there's more to them than many people think. 

   Recent events at our school, involving a misbehaving student by the name of Hubert Priscilla, revealed a deep, dark secret that three of our teachers have been hiding for a long time. These teachers go by the names of Mrs. Carnahan, Mr. Knighton, and Mr. Emmons.

   These three have formed a group known as HEROES, which is now accepting applications. They even hung up a catchy poster that says, "If you have a unique trait, join us! why wait?" but out of all of their new members, these three stand above them all as the founders of this powerful, world saving group. But what are their powers, you might be asking. Well, lucky for you, I have interviewed each of them immensely, and here is what I figured out:

   Hero #1: The Pacer/Mr. Emmons

The Pacer specializes in his speed, however, to activate and use this power, he can't run, but he has to pace back and forth. This power allows him to pace at extreme speeds, giving him the world record for the fastest pacing ever done by one person. The fault is that he can only pace in a straight line, but it's still powerful none the less. So villains beware, if he starts walking back and forth... run. 

   Hero #2: The Historian/Mrs. Carnahan

The Historian is no doubt the back bone to this team. Her power allows her to summon a history textbook, any time, any where. With this she can conjure, or create, any already made history textbook which she can use to find out information about her enemies by reading about what they've done in the past. The problem is, she has absolutely no idea what page, textbook, or if the villain is in any of her books at all. But even so, she can still be useful if she gets one with the villain!

   Hero #3: Manbat/Mr. Knighton

If there's anyone to fear on the team, it's most likely Manbat. He is as swift as the wind and as strong as a mountain, or so he says. He is still working on living up to that famous catchphrase of his... but that aside, he's still very strong already. In fact, he's earned the nickname, The Dark Knighton, because of how strong he is, even though he has no powers at all, because he doesn't need them! 

   Now that is surely an unstoppable team. I'm sure all of you are just thrilled to put your lives in their hands. I know I am!