SATIRE: The edgAr

COURTESY OF S.CEJA

Originally published May 6, 2022

WARNING: The contents of The Canine Comical are purely fictional and intended to be humorous, satirical. Readers are advised not to confuse them with real incidents.

Former eighth- grade student Angel Ruedas expresses his enjoyment of how he's the first Edgar to arrive in MBMS and loves getting the attention of girls.

There has been a mistake made during eighth-grade lunch called “Edgars 2022”. Scientist Melany Cubillios an eighth-grader accidentally split the solution and her assistant "Angel Ruedas" went into the lab without a mask or any protection making Ruedas smelt the solution. “I didn’t mean for it to happen…I feel so bad for him," Cubillios said.

Cubillios decided to keep her assistant Angel Ruedas and studied him over the weeks, she noticed some changes in Ruedas's appearance and how he walked.

“I noticed his hair started to form into a bowl cut? And I gave him some clothes to change into and he made sure his pants were sagging,” Cubillios said.

Cubillios decided to let Ruedas go and to return as her assistant but she didn’t know that

would be her worst mistake ever. Izel Bolanos, Ruedas's best friend said Ruedas started to be a bit more aggressive, “Melany [Cubillios] dropped him off at my house and told me what happen."

At first Ruedas seemed himself but then once Cubillios left that’s when Ruedas’s whole mood changed. He started to be more confident than he was before, stubborn, he had more of an attitude, judgy, picky, loud, and energetic. “He went shopping and bought 3 new pairs of jeans, Air Forces , and polo shirts,” Bolanos said.

As the weeks went on Bolanos said that Rudas started to become a different person every day, “His whole personality changed, he's just not the same Angel I knew” Bolanos said.

Cubillios also noticed changes in Ruedas so she decided to keep track of him. “I started to keep track of Angel and he changed. He's very different so I’m deciding to do further research on the solution that he smelt” Cubillios said.

As Cubillos did more research into the solution Angel kept changing.

“I feel great…I feel like a better person and I’m happier than I was before," Ruedas said, “I’m happy because I’m getting more attention from girls and girls keep calling me cute when I pass by them".

Ruedas is the only one who’s happy about this whole “accident”. “I’m not completely sure how to feel about the whole incident,” Cubillios said, “At first I was scared to see what would have happened to Angel but he seems fine."

Months passed by and Ruedas has been on dates with multiple dates with girls and has gotten very popular over social media "My opinion still hasn't changed from last time I'm still thankful for the whole incident" said Ruedas "My instagram and tiktok followers have gone up by so much I feel a bit famous."

Cubillios expresses that she has finally been able to name the solution and it's called "The Edgar". 'I've been very successful even tho I'm in eighth-grade," said Cubillios. "The Edgar" has been going from student to student in MBMS for $50.