I do not appreciate your new chip flavor AT. ALL. I mean, seriously? What kind of chip company makes SHARPIE flavored chips?! Ketchup, okay. BUT SHARPIE?????? This is absolutely OUTRAGEOUS! Not to mention, INEDIBLE??? Did I mention the fact that this is absolutely disgusting? I thought ranch with pizza was bad, but now there's SHARPIE. FLAVORED. CHIPS. ON THE MARKET.

   I'm traumatized. I'm actually TRAUMATIZED. I spoke to my therapist about you, and she is NOT HAPPY. I mean, who even thinks of something that LUDICROUS????? SHARPIE FLAVORED CHIPS. What caused you to do this??? How did you look at a chip and go “this would be great if it tasted like a sharpie.” I CAN GUARANTEE YOU THAT IT DOESN'T. I’ve tried your new chip flavor, and I threw up IMMEDIATELY upon consumption.

    Tell me why it was multi-colored, as well??? Not only were there literal BLACK chips in the bag, i'm convinced there was also bits of sharpie inside???? What kind of advertising is this????? How did the FDA ever approve of this?? Did I mention that my therapist is not happy with you? I told her about your shenanigans, and she is VERY upset!

   THIS IS RIDICULOUS. ABSOLUTELY ATROCIOUS. Sharpies don't even smell that good?? What made you think people would buy this?? You DISGUST ME. Seriously, get some help. Maybe check into a mental hospital, get a mental health check. I don't know. Do SOMETHING.

   With MUCH concern, 

   John Chalmers

   We thank you for your concern about our newest chip flavor, and are thankful for your very helpful feedback. We take kindly to emails such as yours, and I’ve never seen an email so professionally written. Our new chip flavor is quite the hit, with 200 million bags already sold. Maybe it's a unique flavor, but that's what Stands does! We make extraordinary chip flavors for odd people like you who want to try them. 

   So sorry about your therapist, maybe if you got a new therapist, she would be able to help you out more with the newfound trauma you have from a pack of chips? Just a suggestion! Best of luck to you for that. 

   Sharpie has become increasingly popular over the years, and we knew that it would be a fantastic idea to try and market a new flavor for everyone's favorite permanent marker. You can thank Susan in accounting for the idea!

   Notice how you were so outraged that you bought one to try? That's exactly what we're looking for at Stands! The rage that people feel when seeing our bag in store aisles is exactly what we needed to market the most proficient way! If you have any other concerns that you'd like to share with us, please feel free to talk to Susan. I'm sure she would get much more out of this than I would.

   Sincerely, 

   Stands

   P.S. The only one who needs to go get a check up done is you, who doesn't like new chip flavors?