COURTESY OF WIKIPEDIA.ORG VIA CREATIVE COMMONS LICENSE

Originally published May 6, 2022

WARNING: The contents of The Canine Comical are purely fictional and intended to be humorous, satirical. Readers are advised not to confuse them with real incidents.

As of late, many pop stars have been getting heat for being “too popular”, lawsuits, and cats.

Recently, former boy band member Hairy Tiles has received criticism for his upcoming album “Hairy’s Hut”. Many critics have claimed that Tiles is too famous and too talented, which takes away from other artists.

“Honestly, I’m flattered. It’s an honor that my only criticism is being too perfect," Tiles said. "I think that in reality, I’m just like everyone else, most of the time I just drive around in my Radius Rover or go shopping with my friends in the mall at Lewis Batton and GOOCHI .”

Tiles added to his sympathy for the K-pop band BTW. Their fan base, the Navy, has been a loud culprit of Tiles’ harsh criticism.

“I’m more concerned about BTW. Back when I was in 4 -Directions the boys and I had to deal with many fans harassing other celebrities. I hope the media doesn’t take the fans' reactions as a reflection of BTW themselves,” Tiles said.

In addition, fellow singer-songwriter Ned Sheewalk has recently won a lawsuit claiming that his song “ Your Geometry” plagiarized another song. Allegedly, Sheewalk used the same words as “Okay” by an unknown artist named Salami Chopsticks and the melodies sounded similar too.

“I used the words' the, I, your, was, like, and, we ’ I’m probably missing a few. The point is, apparently [Chopsticks] used those words on his song too. Which is the reason why he sued me,” Sheewalk said.

However, the words used for the song aren’t the only similarities.

“Both songs have similar pitches,” Sheewalks’ producer John Chalmers said, “This made the case more difficult because some people thought that the songs sounded uncanny”.

Despite the difficulties, Sheewalk left the case triumphant.

“The judge and jury decided that there are just so many words in the English language and so many pitches that some songs are bound to use the same word or notes. Who would have known?” Chopsticks said.

Once again, singer-songwriter Toylar Swiff has received hate for writing too many songs about her cats.

“I don’t get it. I barely have any songs about my cats. Other artists have written songs about their pets too. Nobody criticizes my friend Ned Sheewalk for writing songs about his cats.” Swiff said.

Swiff added that the last time she wrote a song about her cats was five years ago in her album “Speculation” in the track “Gregarious”.

“I’ve adopted a new cat since then. I have yet to write a song about him.” Swiff said.

However, Swiff’s new cat Button isn’t satisfied with Swiff’s decision against writing a song about him. In fact, he feels left out that he wasn’t adopted yet when Swiff wrote “Gregarious” about his sisters Grey and Dibbles.

“Meow grrr hiss hiss grrr,” Button said.

Translation “Look what the haters made my human do. If I just happen to destroy someone’s belongings just know that it’s because the media prevented my human from writing a song about me.”