SATIRE: New Child Prodigy Appears at MBMS

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Originally published May 6, 2022

WARNING: The contents of The Canine Comical are purely fictional and intended to be humorous, satirical. Readers are advised not to confuse them with real incidents.

A new celebrity has made their way to MBMS. Her mission: to become more popular than their older brother. Jenny Chalmers is John Chalmers's younger sister, a famous WeTuber and aPad kid.

Known for her insightful fashion reviews, Jenny is seen as an icon, especially for those with Zelweger Kreutzfeldt-Yakob Glooming Syndrome. Her current rise to popularity is due to her relatable and quality content.

“I’m honored to have the reputation I do,” Jenny said in an interview. “My only goal is to make a difference and to bring hope to others.”

Not only has Jenny become a significant social star, she has also struck up various brand deals with quite prestigious brands, despite her young age. This includes Tim Chevy, Goocci, Channel, Pior, and many more.

“Jenny is a wonderful ambassador for our brand,” Tim Chevy, owner of Tim Chevy said. “An outstanding addition since our spray-on mask.”

Besides brand deals, Jenny deals with a wide range of content. From food reviews to woodworking and technology tutorials. This includes her upcoming fashion brand, “JenC”.

"It's been in the works for a while," said Jenny. "I hope everyone loves the concept!"

Besides things she has already done and accomplished, Jenny has many aspirations as well.

“Recently I’ve been meaning to check out the Baco Tell that opened up,” Jenny said. “I’ve also been wanting to make a video reviewing the state-fair-food.”

Jenny has had a recent surge in popularity after her older brother, MBMS celebrity, John Chalmers lost his college fund to pay reparations for a car crash. Even so, she has consistently supported the Jorts for John Chalmers' cause.

“Jenny has been a great help,” John said. “Due to her continual promotions for Jorts by John Chalmers, I’ve been thinking I may be able to buy extra parts for my plastic wrap self-propelling plane since it seems like we might be able to raise more than what I need.”

Along with promoting her brother, Jenny has also begun her own stardom at MBMS. Breaking the records for the mile and the Bulldog Run, causing her to become a star for MBMS’ track, participating in the 1600 meter, 800 meter, and the 1357 meter.

“It’s truly an honor to be recognized for my feats,” Jenny said. “I’m hoping to leave a bigger impression on MBMS than my brother.”

John’s mark on MBMS started back in 2015 and still, students can remember his great accomplishments.

“I would say he left more of a dent in MBMS’ reputation than a ‘good impression’", the Chalmers’ neighbor Norman Hugh-Man said. “He had to trespass on school property to fly that plane of his. You know how many noise complaints that he’s gotten for playing that cello, more than the memes made of Sill With and Chris Pebble. He’s constantly scaring my pigeons.”

Jenny is also a violinist in orchestra, rather than a cellist. She’s been playing since fifth grade and has several covers posted to her channel. This includes concertos, serenades, and symphonies from Tchaikovsky, Brahms, Sibelius, and Beethoven.

“I’m so proud that both of my kids are into music,” Jackie Chalmers, Jenny and John’s mother, said. “Jenny has always said that she’s wanted to mirror her big brother, so I was surprised when she chose to play violin and not cello.”

Many students have been comparing the two deciding which one of the Chalmers is “better”.

“I’d say that they’re both pretty weird,” Spiderboy Pferdkoph said. “And I’ve been at MBMS since 1992, so I’ve met both of them. Though John was a lot more into aviation and Jenny seems to be more into cameras, especially security cameras.”