KONIG runs for president

PHOTO ILLUSTRATION BY C. URBAS VIA CANVA

Originally published June 6, 2025

WARNING: The contents of The Canine Comical are purely fictional and intended to be humorous, satirical. Readers are advised not to confuse them with real incidents. 

   Seventh grade honors history teacher, Sandy Konig, has announced that she plans to run for President of the United States during the next election.

   “If I get voted into office, I would give all children the funds to get a full education, along with helping students get an accurate teaching of history,” Konig said. 

   Konig also admitted that she has been a Washington State Representative for the past six years, hence her sudden absences and disappearances. 

   “I had been working at Mt. Baker for 15 years when I decided to run for Representative,” Konig said, “I wanted to make a change in the state, and that’s when I realized that running for Representative would help me make a change for the better.”

   Ms. Konig has begun to prepare herself for the upcoming 2028 election by carefully studying past elections, and writing her upcoming speeches. We accidentally walked in on her practicing one of the speeches during her planning period.

   “I promise to lower inflation, give everyone equal pay, and attempt to stop propaganda,” Konig said, “I will also give everyone horses to ride to school, in an attempt to lessen global warming.”

   After discovering the news about Konig, we wanted some of her student’s opinions on this matter. “Ms. Konig is a fire teacher. She would be an awesome president, and I would totally vote for her, if I was able to vote.” Seventh-grader Bobo Sewa said. Sewa then went back to her intense game of Block Blast, and reached a new high score.

   “I had Ms. Konig last year, and she’s a great teacher! She taught us all the importance of staying away from propaganda, and she also told us a lot about the 2024 presidential election, which I guess makes sense now.” Eighth-grader Jeremy Beatle said.

   Konig told us that she is planning on retiring either after the 2025-2026 school year, or the 2026-2027 school year so that she can prepare more for the election. “I will miss Mt. Baker dearly,” Konig said, “But I think it will be important for me to get time to rehearse my speeches and make myself known among the people. After all, no one really expects a president to come from a middle school history teacher from a random city in Washington.”

   We asked Konig what she could promise to the American people, if she was voted into office. We also wanted to know what makes her better than other possible candidates.

   “I think I’m certified for the job because I’ve been a Representative for six years, and I’ve taught history for almost twenty-two years, so I know the background behind the United States, which some other candidates may be unable to offer.”

   Konig then dismissed us, declaring that she needed to write more speeches.