SATIRE: MBMS Students Share Their OpinionS And Ethical Concerns On Recently Opened Restaurant

COURTESY OF PUBLICDOMAINSPICTURES.NET VIA CREATIVE COMMONS LICENSE

Originally published May 6, 2022

WARNING: The contents of The Canine Comical are purely fictional and intended to be humorous, satirical. Readers are advised not to confuse them with real incidents.

A new restaurant chain recently began its debut, and many MBMS students are wondering if the food there is worthy of their time. Several students also expressed concern over whether the new company is complying with federal laws and food safety regulations.

The owner, Camille Ferros, addressed the concerns of the public, to assure them that her new fast food restaurant is 100% safe with licensed employees.

“Our kitchens are meticulously clean and feature absolutely no rodents or insect infestations,” Ferros said. “As a professional businesswoman, I assure you that we follow all FDA food regulations to ensure the health and safety of our patrons.”

However, another lingering question remained in seventh-grader Usagi Myrto’s mind.

“Why did you name your restaurant Baco Tell?” Myrto said.

Several individuals sympathized with Myrto’s inquiry, and many even noticed that “Baco Tell'' is uncannily similar to “Taco Bell”. Eighth-grader Elon Haytham quickly caught onto this suspicion.

“It’s a possibility that Camille Ferros drew inspiration from Taco Bell,” Haytham said.

After several days of no contact from Ferros, she awoke from her slumber.

“Several mythical deities reached out to me and graced me with their touch,” Ferros said.

Ferros explained that she underwent an otherworldly experience and it influenced her to alter her original ideas. Many students were impressed by how professionally Ferros handled the situation.

“I’m satisfied with Ferros’s explanation, it was just so believable,” Myrto said. “The amount of detail she included was simply inspirational.”

Despite the unconventional methods Ferros used to determine the name of her restaurant, an overwhelming number of people believed her.

The attention Ferros garnered, whether intentional or not, also caused a significant amount of people to visit Baco Tell. Sixth-grader, Aslanbek Lavrenti, commented on his experience at the diner.

“It was eye-opening,” Lavrenti said.

A self-proclaimed professional critic, sixth-grader Davide Edivad, attempted some of the products served in Baco Tell.

"As a professional who is appointed by my 3-month-old sister," Edivad said. "You can trust me when I say that the food at Baco Tell is indescribably amazing."

Even MBMS staff explained why they enjoyed the food at Baco Tell so thoroughly. Science teacher Veer Glover shared her opinions on the establishment.

“I really enjoyed the Punchwrap!” Glover said. “It’s pretty much a taco with artificial fruit punch flavoring.”

Large groups of people agreed that the prices of the food were very cheap in comparison to other respected diners.

“Their cheapest item, the Iced Moccasin Swirl, only costs $35 for 4 ounces!” seventh-grader Maria Emese said.

Several individuals noted that part of the reason why the food is so appealing was due to the unique menu.

“Instead of chicken nuggets, Ferros used the brilliant idea of serving fried raven feathers,” eighth-grader Milton McKenna said. “She said they’re sustainably sourced!”

McKenna wasn’t the only person who thought the options were strangely delicious. Sixth-grader Michelle Dominguez also agreed.

“I really enjoyed the pufferfish toxin-laced burger,” Dominguez said. “Or Puff Mac, as it’s listed on the menu.”

A particularly popular item, the Auspicious Meal, was also widely enjoyed among students.

“I love purchasing an Auspicious Meal and discovering a cool plastic bottle figure!” History teacher Roswell Yehuda said.

Overall, many MBMS students and faculty members found that Baco Tell became one of their favorite restaurants despite a few doubts.

“I know I’m choosing healthy choices,” Lavrenti said. “Especially since Ferros said that her specialty Blobfish Beverage contained zero sugar."