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Audrey S. Han
PHOTO ILLUSTRATION BY A. HAN, COURTESY FLICKR.COM
Originally published May 6, 2022
WARNING: The contents of The Canine Comical are purely fictional and intended to be humorous, satirical. Readers are advised not to confuse them with real incidents.
The saying “Work smarter, not harder” is here and approved by our idols in the form of new products! During the pandemic, geniuses with just enough time on their hands took on the challenge to make our lives easier - but are these items truly what we need?
MBMS students gather to promote the baby mop suit approved by their ultimate bias, Kimtae Hyung of DTS. The group managed to make a photo levitate by zeal alone as fellow Soldiers play a riveting piece for the act. PHOTO ILLUSTRATION A. HAN, COURTESY FLICKR.COM VIA CREATIVE COMMONS LICENSE, L. BARACOSSO, F.C. BARTOLOME, E. BILSON, D. LEE, Y. REYES-CRUZ, C. STOLEE, J. STUBBLEFIELD
Created by Mark Kirkland, the Candwich consists of a hoagie bread roll, packets of jam and peanut butter, a spreading knife, and a hand wipe. The item is perfect for when a show’s about to start in 5 minutes and making a PBJ sandwich takes at least 3 minutes to make. And that’s where the Candwich comes in - it’ll only take 2 minutes to make!
“Candwiches are great! I especially love the strawberry flavor,” MBMS’ Victor E. Bulldog said. “The sandwich is super easy to make, and it’s great for on-the-go snacking!”
However, some concerns have been raised about how convenient these items truly are.
“So the Candwich, I have two concerns,” Mrs. Lacy said. “...What if I can’t find a can opener? Does it really save me time?”
A valid concern on the item, but one that can be answered. The Candwich was designed to ease everyone’s worries about this very matter by incorporating a pull-tab on the lid, so no can opener or smashing of cans upon rocks is needed.
Lately, the Sock Stick is quickly selling out online and in stores after popular rapper Kanno East mentioned how quick and easy putting on his Mike socks before slipping on his Queasy Foam Walkers.
“I recently purchased a Sock Stick, and it’s done wonders for my back!!” East said. “Y’know, rapping can be pretty hard on the back, but this Sock Stick makes life - and socks - so much easier!”
Many, including part of the MBMS student population, agree that the Sock Stick is very practical and ergonomic. Because the stick allows for dressing your feet while keeping your back straight, there are supposed health benefits to using this item as well as being convenient.
“Sounds very helpful to [people] with pre-existing back problems,” eighth-grader Lucas Middelburg said.
Singer Kimtae Hyung of K-Pop group DTS strikes again, sponsoring the baby mop - the perfect way to let children move around and do their chores as soon as they can move! At first glance, the suit looks like your average baby onesie, until you see the mops attached to the stomach, arm, and leg areas of the suit.
“The baby suit is genius,” Hyung said. “Parents of newborns often struggle to clean up after their baby, so the suit is a way for babies to help their parents out and look adorable.”
Mrs. Lacy is a mother herself, and she quickly acknowledged the ingenuity of such an adorable yet helpful item. She is interested in getting a 12-year-old-sized mop suit, so fashion designers at MBMS, there’s your new inspiration!
“Babies are expensive,” said Mrs. Lacy. “If I can get some housework done, I’m all for it.”
Singer Kimtae Hyung of DTS tweeted about his newest find while surfing the web. The singer has no children of his own, but has mentioned that if he has children, he would most certainly buy this suit. PHOTO ILLUSTRATION A. HAN, COURTESY FLICKR.COM
Philanthropist and active advocate of the Do Your Dooty movement, Chloe Bikeprintian's latest tweet brings attention to the hundreds of pet owners who don't clean up after their pets. As a pet owner herself, Bikesprintian expressed her regrets and condolences for all the ruined lawns that have suffered because of this laziness. PHOTO ILLUSTRATION A. HAN, COURTESY FLICKR.COM
Gordoff Lambsey's most recent post promotes the lightning-fast banana slicer. The item prevents the dangers of imperfect cutting skills and ensures the best proportions you can find. PHOTO ILLUSTRATION A. HAN, COURTESY FLICKR.COM
So Bulldogs, are you impressed yet? If you are, check out these items and more to fall in love with the finer things in life.
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