PHOTO ILLUSTRATION BY M.JAIME VIA PIXLR & PLUGGED IN  

Originally published June 6, 2024

WARNING: The contents of The Canine Comical are purely fictional and intended to be humorous, satirical. Readers are advised not to confuse them with real incidents. 

   All grades  have been informed about the school-wide fight between teachers  in which we lost three students to squeaky chairs.  After these tragic events, we have created a recap for the public to enjoy. 

    In a recent turn of events, our principal Mr. Brown decided that he was done paying for all of the additional  programs on top of lunches and RENT! So he decided he wanted to make the teachers and students pay by making them fight for the spot of the person who does not have to help pay the bills. This is known as the start of the Famished Games. 

 All of the classrooms sadly sent all of their teachers and one student as their tributes there were multiple challenges like evil robot drones, muddy tracks, and squeaky chairs .  Mr. Warring was sadly the first to go. He got thrown into a janitor's closet with a Costpro rotisserie chicken and water bottle . Mr Brown honestly doesn't know, we still haven’t found him.  He might be eating it.

   Our beloved teachers were wiped out faster than you can say Famished games! Soon before we knew it there were only two teachers and three students left:  Mrs. Durham, Ms. Koenig, Olive Rodriguez, TayTay Quick, and Rojo Cwa.  They all had promise, each student being skilled in one thing: Being the teachers pet! 

   They all fought hard trying to win the spot of freedom. If students won they never had to do homework again after all! It would be easy to take them out so Mrs. Durham and Ms. Koenig formed an alliance. They decide to brutally tie the students to the processing chairs of discomfort. Highly squeaky, miserable, and  unbearable. Then drones showed up and took them away. "I am delighted! I was rooting for the chairs to make their presence known." Durham said soon countered by Koenig's reply "Sad, very sad (said with a tear in her right eye)."

    Then there were two. Mrs. Durham and Ms. Koenig fought brutally for almost four months! Then a moment of true courage happened on a rainy, pouring day: Durham ran out to the middle of the field and slipped in the track of doom. The mud almost swallowed her whole! Luckily she grabbed onto a  branch and climbed  onto the fence! Little did she know that same day Ms. Koenig also had a close mishap.

    She ran into the evil drones, who so graciously let her go before cornering her in the cafeteria! She quickly punted them onto the stage considering they  were only  three pounds!   This  truly marks off  the ending of it all where Ms. Koenig attacks the portable  907 slamming open the door, hitting  killing the grinch on the wall. 

     Ms. Durham battled her hard with scissors and rulers creating paper  weapons  and fighting for her bank account. She suddenly realised she lost after Ms. Koenig  cornered her by the spindle chairs. "I won the battle by having the best idea. I always have the best ideas. Mrs. Durham is awesome, but you must admit, she is a little older than I am so..." Koenig said. 

"This is my first loss in 20 years so I’m not too bitter about it at this moment in time. There is always next year, and I’m sure Ms. Koenig is already plotting her strategy as I am a fierce competitor. She is usually on the losing side." Ms. Durham said.  

   She then surrendered giving the spot to Ms. Koenig so she could have victory once and for all free from helping pay for additional programs. A bit of an overreaction don't you think? 

   "This is debatable. I’m sure we will be able to work things out once we have competed in the annual Durham-Koenig arm wrestling contest. I noticed Ms. Koenig is already warming up in preparation for the next tournament." Durham stated about continuing friendship with Koenig.

   As usual Koenig countered this response "I will always continue being friends with Mrs. Durham, even after this dispute. Mrs. Durham admires me greatly, and it would break her fragile, little heart for me to stop being friends with her. I am a person who cares for others so deeply, that I will even be little Mrs. Durham's friend."