PHOTO BY I. ALEKSIC VIA UNSPLASH.COM

Originally published June 12, 2023

WARNING: The contents of The Canine Comical are purely fictional and intended to be humorous, satirical. Readers are advised not to confuse them with real incidents. 

   Principal Braun has created some new and rather strange school rules. Students and teachers are required to follow these rules from now on.

  As a result of the daily food fights at MBMS, food is not allowed in the cafeteria until further notice. The eighth-grader behind this food fight fiasco, Isabella Clark, speaks out.

   “How could they do this to us?" Clark said. "I guess I shouldn't have started all those food fights.” 

   Principal Braun has also decided that students are now required to wear pink on Fridays because it’s his favorite color.

   “[Pink's] my favorite color and I wanted to see more of it, so the obvious choice was to create this rule,” Braun said.

   Eighth-grader Jack Olsen is very upset about this, he doesn’t want to ruin his reputation by wearing pink.

   “Of course it had to be pink," Olsen said. "It couldn’t have been blue or green, anything but pink.” 

  Another rule is that students and teachers are now required to run anywhere they go. 

  Seventh-grade science teacher Mr. Chemistry was asked about his feelings regarding this new rule.

  “I am thrilled about this new rule, it’s a way for me to get my exercise in,” Chemistry said.

   MBMS students with any absences are now required to make up days in the summer. Principal Braun shares his reasoning behind this odd rule.

  “Students at MBMS have bad enough attendance, so why not have them make it up during their favorite time of year; summer break,” Braun said.

  Teachers are now forced to whisper when teaching, if their voices are any louder than that, there will be significant consequences. Principal Braun explains why this rule was enforced.

  "I feel that if teachers are relaxed then students will be too," Braun said.

   The last new school rule is that school will now start at 6:00 am and end at 12:30 pm. Sixth-grader Amy Cameron shares her opinions.

   "I am so upset about this rule, I need my beauty sleep," Cameron said.

   Staff on the other hand are thrilled, they get to school at this time everyday so it's not that big of a deal. Chemistry speaks out.

    "It doesn't bother me much, I'm used to being up early," Chemistry said.

  These rules are creating some confusion around the school, but people are starting to understand. Seventh-grade math teacher Mr. Divide shares his thoughts.

  "These rules are really something, but it will definitely make  school more entertaining," Divide said.