PHOTO BY D. ZEDA, ILLUSTRATION BY A MORRIS VIA CANVA AI

Originally published June 6, 2025

WARNING: The contents of The Canine Comical are purely fictional and intended to be humorous, satirical. Readers are advised not to confuse them with real incidents. 

   MBMS’ woodshop teacher Mr. Gasser has gone mad stealing peoples socks. This usually funny and awesome teacher has a hobby of collecting some dirty or clean socks.  

   “I have just decided to go big or go home, I’ve done this for years but this year is my last so I decided to take them all.” Gasser said. 

   Known to many, Mr. Gasser is indeed retiring. He has made many stunning projects such as some kayaks, guitars, and even chairs and benches for people to enjoy. 

   “I have taught for 12 years at Desert Mirage High, Cunha Middle, Redwood High, and MBMS,” Gasser said. 

   As a teacher his most proud moment just may be helping his students build a Kayak or helping them build a 15 foot tall trebuchet. “Pep rallies are the most difficult part of being a teacher..” Gasser said, “It makes it difficult to steal socks.” 

   He uses many strange methods to steal these socks. Some methods include using saws to separate the sock from feet. Others take them from when some students need to ‘let the dawgs out.' 

   “I think he has been keeping his toenail clippings and he needs socks to store them.” eighth-grader Chad Geept said. 

   Mr.Gasser has not denied any accusations leaving many questions such as, ‘What is really going on?’ ‘Why is he retiring?’ ‘What is going to be done to prevent this from happening again?’ No school board members were available for comments at the time of publication, however new sixth-grader Chirl Mchurl had some thoughts about the matter. 

   “Mr. Gasser couldn’t be the only teacher or adult to do this, the school board needs to increase protection.” Mchurl said. 

   Gasser’s favorite subject to teach is in fact wood shop. To retire so early in his probable dream job must mean that there is something bigger, bigger than his sock hobby.

  “Mostly I just want to spend more time as a dad with my daughter, Inga.” Gasser said

   This has left his legacy to be legendary, to do something not normally acceptable but make an exception is epic. It may not be remembering him and thinking of all of the awesome things he made but it will be all of the awesome things he has done. Whether he is fired first or he is allowed to retire, he is done working and will be a school legend. 

   “I hope that I have inspired people to use tools other than a smartphone whether for stealing socks or making awesome wood projects for people to use.” Gasser said.