Principal wins kentucky derby 

PHOTO ILLUSTRATION BY GRACE HENRY VIA CANVA AI

Originally published June 6, 2025

WARNING: The contents of The Canine Comical are purely fictional and intended to be humorous, satirical. Readers are advised not to confuse them with real incidents. 

   This just in, newest winner of the 152nd Kentucky Derby is Mt. Baker Middle School Principal Mr. Brown. Mr. Brown was just a regular old Principal until he discovered a unicorn, Mr. Twinkle Toes IX, in a random locker in the 400 hall at Mt. Baker

   The story starts on November 22, 2013 the school day had just ended and all the teachers were leaving. Mr. Brown was walking through the halls to make sure that everyone had gotten their stuff, when all of a sudden he heard a strange sound coming from a locker in the 400 hall. He walked up to the locker to see what it was, he opened the locker and inside he found a baby unicorn. He didn't know it at the time, but that baby unicorn would someday lead him to success. 

   After the race, Brown’s fellow competitors said he was very mean and really wanted to win while they were waiting to start the race. Before and after the race Mr. Brown and Twinkle Toes IX refused to talk to anyone or do any interviews, there are multiple theories on why, some people believe he captured Twinkle Toes and is afraid he will get caught. Other people think he bribed the owner to let him win, no one knows for sure what happened, but some people are determined to figure it out. 

   We were able to ask one of Brown's fellow competitors, Darbus Yellow, about his experience. “It was crazy, that guy was weird, he desperately wanted to win, it was strange” Yellow said, after he came in 20th place because he got knocked off his horse by Twinkle Toes IX feet. 

   We were also able to ask another one of the other competitors, Rocky Blue, about his experience. “I hated that guy, he was crazy, I would have won if he didn't beat me,” Blue said. Blue came in second and after the race he was so mad he went and yelled at Brown and accused him of cheating and not playing fair.  

   In the end, many people voted that Brown should be disqualified and shouldn't ever compete in the Kentucky Derby again, after many of his competitors ended up with bruises and broken limbs thanks to Twinkle Toes IX. Thankfully, Mr. Brown went back to Mt. Baker and continued his job as a Principal. Though some say if you listen or look hard enough, you can sometimes see or hear Twinkle Toes IX practicing his skills, just in case he gets another chance to race.