Mrs. Koenig dressed as the Statue of Liberty for the school talent show. She said she time-traveled and plucked the real hair from every person who made the Statue of Liberty and incorporates it into the cosplay. PHOTO ILLUSTRATION BY K. GERARD VIA CANVA.

Originally published June 12, 2023

WARNING: The contents of The Canine Comical are purely fictional and intended to be humorous, satirical. Readers are advised not to confuse them with real incidents. 

  Ms. Durham and Mrs. Koenig’s families were at war since before 100 B.C. and as we know the family rivalry has seeped into their classrooms. In the talent show on June 20, the rivalry finally ended with Koenig on top. 

   In the previous three rounds, two students from each class competed with a talent of their choice. Each talent was judged by practicality and how useful it can be. After, students went teachers showed off their special abilities. 

 “This competition was so rad on god.” The Canadian rapper Drayayayayake said. “The talents literally ate dawg, word!!” 

     The first competitor to step up was seventh-grader Ezeerda Gayren from Mrs. Koenig's sixth period, he showed off his talent of swallowing 500 hotdogs in 3 seconds. Soon after, Luw Moomoo recited the entire live-action Barbie movie that comes out July 21, 2023.

   “Ezeerda’s was the most amazing but disturbing talent I’ve ever seen… I don’t even know If I saw him breathe or blink,” Vamoomoo Littjacket said. 

     Next up was Durham’s class. Vontron acted out a scene from the new movie Essential Oils Opossum and Kodyko Gaydar sneezing Baby Shark.

   “Like Vontron was so dramatic, like dang, the opossum just found a container of essential oils, not bombs!” Gayren said.

  After Koenig’s class had their second turn, Vamoomoo Littjacket showed off her witchcraft and Greyman Acuna-Mattata gave “ok” fashion advice. 

   “Witchcraft is a fine art, I have perfected it over thousands of years. I am happy to be representing the Koenig Coven. *Bares fangs respectfully*” Vamoomoo Liddjacket said.

    Finally, Durham and Koenig competed in the final round. Koenig came dressed as The Statue of Liberty along with her helper Jahcob Slang as the torch. 

  “I competed and used my hypnosis talent to make everyone think Koenig’s class triumphed when we tied.” Jahcob Slang said. 

   “The rivalry was never supposed to be over; it was meant to go on till the end of time. Not to mention it wasn’t just luck that helped. I did too just a diminutive, I mean you think the judges just left?” 

  Durham’s onomatopoeia burping blew everyone out of the water because of how fast it was. 

  “Kaboom Ouch Eek Neigh Ick Gargle Lala Oink Slurp Eww” Durham burped.