NEW PRINCIPAL BANS HOMEWORK BECAUSE who needs learning anyway?

PHOTO BY M. FITENY VIA CANVA AI

Originally published June 6, 2025

According to recent reports, new Principal Brownie plans to make big changes to the school. The biggest of these changes is the new act banning homework. Brownie, former Principal Brown’s cousin, never liked learning and thought students should learn how they want. 

"You know, I never much liked learning, so when Principal Brown quit the job at Baker, I lied about my teaching license just to make sure these students did not have to go through the pain that I did in my young life all those years ago. So, instead of banning schoolwork in class, which, unfortunately, is illegal, I banned homework, which actually is pretty legal! I think..." Said Principal Brownie. He obviously hated his school life as a child, so he decided to ban homework to release the pressure from students, because "Who needs learning anyways?" Mr. Brownie said.

Along with banning homework, Mr. Brownie has made several other changes to the school. He has made the school introduce new sports, like extreme ironing and cliff diving, which have always been habits of Mr. Brownie. 

It seems as if Mr. Brownie is just turning the school into a place that he could call heaven. "I can't believe the new changes! I hate this new principal, Blueny or whatever his name is! I love learning! Now I have to do optional homework instead of mandatory! I might switch to a $300,000 a month private school just because of that stupid new principal!" Seventh grade Paige Turner said. She made her feelings very clear about the new principal. She was shortly sentenced to a suspension with no work to do while sitting at home, "to teach her the lesson: learning is not fun!" Principal Brownie said. 

While wild seventh graders like Turner very much dislike the new principal, most like him. "Yeah. He is cool. I guess. I don't know. Why am I being interviewed?" Eighth grader Chris P. Bacon said. Bacon is obviously incredibly enthusiastic towards the new principal, and obviously can't wait for new policies to emerge. Most others agree, and not just at this school. According to VeryReliableResource.com, almost the entire population of the world hates homework and is in favor of banning it, and barely any is in favor of keeping homework. 

With some new sports coming in due to Principal Brownie, student-athletes, or now known as "non-student-athletes" at MBMS are excited for the opportunity to climb Mount Everest just to iron a shirt, and are even more enthusiastic about jumping into shark-infested waters from a helicopter. "I- I- I just can't believe it! It's so... So amazing! It's like all of the life-threatening dangers and risks, all there in one place! I will for sure do both Extreme Ironing and Cliff Diving next year! Thank you Mr. Brownie!" Sixth grader Cai Kenat said. 

While most students like Mr. Brown, teachers also like Mr. Brown! "I finally only have to grade 191,259,325,381,293 assignments a day instead of 191,259,325,381,294 assignments per day, because only one of my students actually does work and cares about class, so he does 191,259,325,381,294 assignments per day, but now it's only 191,259,325,381,293 assignments per day because one homework assignment is gone! I will for sure use that extra 0.923214981249 seconds that I would spend grading to try out some Cliff Diving and Extreme Ironing! Woo hoo!" Eighth grade teacher Ihat Egrading said.

While there are still major issues to be solved by Mr. Brownie at MBMS, at least there is no more homework students have to do!