Mr. Carter, dressed up for his new k-pop album cover. In his album, he produced numerous songs talking about his strong dislike for Mr. Knighton. PHOTO ILLUSTRATION BY K. GERARD VIA CANVA.  

Originally published June 6, 2024

WARNING: The contents of The Canine Comical are purely fictional and intended to be humorous, satirical. Readers are advised not to confuse them with real incidents. 

   After Mr.Knighton mistook Mr.Carter’s legendary photo card of Monji, from the K-pop group Recent Pants for a napkin, Mr.Carter started a battle of the bands by dying Mr.Knighton’s white face-paint pink. 

   Mr.Carter started off the battle by dropping a k-pop song, called Oppas with his girl group, PR1ME, using lyrics trashing Mr.Knighton. He was furious about his idol Monji being ‘accidentally’ used to wipe Mr.Knighton’s mouth.  The song featured a Carter solo.

   “Mr. Carter blew me away with his alpha male lyrics, it was so sigma!” sixth- grader Krake said. 

   Mr. Knighton responded with a hardcore rock song performed with his band, Miss. He couldn’t stand Mr. Carter for trying to start drama any longer, especially after ruining his luxury face paint. 

   "When I heard Mr. Knighton’s amazing growl, I was flabbergasted!” eighth-grader Dendrick Damar said. “If that happened to me, I would have to quit singing and teaching.” 

   Students have started a vote to help the teachers figure out who is actually superior and who won the battle of the bands. 

   “Mr. Knighton’s song is so metal and ear tearring. I know Mr. Knighton will win the beef!” seventh-grader Dodo Siwa said.

   Currently, it seems as if Mr. Knighton is winning the vote for who has the better song, though the poll is still currently open to students and teachers who would like to help decide. 

   “Mr. Carter needs to win! His songs are obviously way better. I mean Mr. Knighton’s lyrics aren’t even that great.” Krake said.

   As the tension increases between Mr. Knighton and Mr. Carter, they have started becoming even pettier.

   “I saw Mr. Carter vandalize Mr. Knighton’s room with a bunch of photos he printed out of Monji and other k-pop idols, like girls from Pink Black.” Damar said.

   Many students have reported catching Mr. Knighton destroying Mr. Carter’s wigs.

   “I feel so bad for Mr. Carter. He loved dressing up for his k-pop album covers with those wigs.” Siwa said. “All he’ll have now is the makeup! It just won’t be the same.” 

   With the teachers trying to convince students to get involved and vote on the matter, many middle schoolers have been getting fed up with all the drama. 

   “It was nice at first, cause they talked about it and we didn’t have to do as much work during class, but it’s just gotten annoying hearing about it every day now.” Krake said.