PHOTO ILLUSTRATION BY L MARTIN. COURTESY OF GETTY IMAGES AND DISNEY  

Originally published June 12, 2023

WARNING: The contents of The Canine Comical are purely fictional and intended to be humorous, satirical. Readers are advised not to confuse them with real incidents. 

   A new theme park has been opened in Florida by everyone's favorite Tv family, the Jardashians. The Jardashian Safari is focused on botox and photoshop, as well as drama and feuds. 

   “The Jardashian Safari is meant to be a place for all the Jardashinators to enjoy the beauty that is me and my family” Said Jim Jardashian in an interview with Posmocolitan magazine. 

   The many rides and attractions include, Photoshoppers of Terror, Mendalls Runaway Railroad, Search for Jim’s Diamond Earring, and Jim and Jormees Splash Hill.

   “Jim and Jormees Splash Hill is a ride in which you board a giant land rover, and then tumble over multiple waterfalls.”  said Jardashiansafari.com. 

   There are also many spots to grab a bite to eat, some of the restaurants here include Joey’s Italian Restaurant, Jete Pavidsons Seafood restaurant (formerly known as Wanye Kests Seafood), and Jormees Pretzels. “ Jormees Pretzels features a selection of pretzels, such as jalapeno, cheddar, champagne, and strawberry. Jormee's Pretzels are a favorite of mine!” said Jardashinator2314532 on TokTik. 

   Botox is offered as one of the activities at the safari, it was quite painful, it was not worth the $235,256,345,346,345,624,632,256,362,562, although Jardashianator4life324 disagreed 

   “I loved the Jardashian botox, it was quite wonderful, my lips grew so big! I’m so glad that I can stop inducing my shellfish allergy in order to plump my lips!” Sounds like she won’t be visiting Jete Pavidsons Seafood, but I will!

   It smells very strongly of spoiled fish,  I ordered the Gaia Kerber scallops, The Gariana Jande lobster rolls, and the Dazzie Cavid Sashimi. All were very good, but the Gaia Kerber scallops were slightly undercooked. 

  “Luckily, after Jim and I broke up, She let me keep the restaurant because I didn’t make enough money from my terrible comedy acts.” said Pavidson to Moscopolitan.

   From what it looks like, The Jardashian Safari will not be staying open for long,

   “We may run out of money to keep open the Safari, we’ve been spending too much money on bad photoshop and botox, but, tickets are on ‘sale’ for $3989897789087868798786987986876786.24 today!” Luckily, many people were able to just climb over the wall due to the awful security at the safari.

   “Thank you to all my lovely supporters who helped me and my family gain more money for botox and scammy businesses like skims, sadly, the safari cannot continue to stay open.” Kendall said in a statement in Zaabar.