Dangerous Pets bring powerful changes to classroom

PHOTO BY J. CATALANO VIA UNSPLASH

Originally published June 6, 2025

WARNING: The contents of The Canine Comical are purely fictional and intended to be humorous, satirical. Readers are advised not to confuse them with real incidents. 

Some teachers have classroom pets, students love them, but there's something to know about the pets that may cause harm to students. The pets may be aggressive, poisonous, venomous, and even illegal.

   MBMS eighth-grade science teacher, Ms. Cameron, always raised coho salmon in her classroom for her students to learn about them and how students can make a change in the environment.

   Since she knew how to take care of sea animals, scientists from Florida donated a dwarf tiger shark. She couldn’t leave him alone to die or let him in the wild. So, she decided to take care of the fish and named him Bruce. Cameron was very intrigued about Bruce, knowing that sharks have been on Earth for more than 400 million years.

   “Bruce is very aggressive, he destroys anything he can get his jaws on. But having him is great because he’s my intimidation tool against students.” Cameron said. “If they have, let’s say, five missing assignments, they will have to put their finger in the tank for five seconds. Ever since, I’ve only had three missing assignments in all of my classes.”

   With the punishment in place, students have been on their work and don’t want to face Bruce’s force. There are some students who still have missing assignments and have faced fierce punishment.

   “I had two missing assignments in Ms. Cameron’s class, so I had to put my finger in the tank for two seconds. Bruce came so fast that I didn’t have time to react. And he took a chunk of my pinky off,” eighth-grader Chad Vollidot said.

   Several students may have had Ms. Davis’s science class. But, on a walk in Seattle she went down an alley and a stranger gave her a present. Which was a mutated Venus Flytrap, and is named Bob.

   Davis couldn’t believe her eyes. Bob is the protector of her classroom. Bob is extremely aggressive, but has gained a close relationship with Davis. To ensure safety for her students, she has made a sign that says “Beware Plant”.

   “I love Bob! Bob is so cool and he is a great security guard in my classroom. But he sometimes forgets which students are in my class.” Davis said. “Students in my classroom have been fully eaten. So I tell other students that they moved. No evidence means not guilty.”

   Bob is five feet tall. At that size, he can be a threat to many students. With that force, aggression, and size he can certainly cause serious harm.

   “Bob is fine with most of my classmates. But one time, I guess he forgot who I was. And almost bit my arm,” sixth-grader Skye Zuma said. “I don’t know what Ms. Davis feeds him! What on Earth can make that thing full, just so that it doesn’t try to eat me! I don’t know what she was thinking.”

   PE and Health teacher Mrs. Nelson wants students to be healthy and take care of their bodies. To make a point, she got a leech to show how taking care of yourself is important.

   In her classroom, he lives in a giant mason jar on the health shelf next to the probiotics and protein bars. He’s emotionally aggressive. He doesn’t bite, but he judges. Stares into the soul of students with his beady little leech eyes, silently reminding you of every sugary snack you’ve ever eaten. He’s a disgusting but an unforgettable reminder that if you don’t take care of your body, your body will hire a leech to ruin your life.

   “There was once a huge problem during class. Once, Gross Leech mysteriously vanished from the jar, and I had 28 panicked pre-teens crawling around the room screaming, ‘He’s on the loose!’” Nelson said. “Someone tried to feed him a gummy worm. Another student claimed he saw him in the girls’ bathroom mirror like some health horror movie villain. Took a solid 15 minutes and a calming breath work exercise to restore order.”

   Students are at ease with the new classroom pet. Many don’t think it should be near the shelf where the food is. Others just don’t like having a blood sucking creature staring at them.

   “It’s the worst classroom pet. We were doing a lesson on gut health. Mrs. Nelson was saying how to eat your green and don’t eat sugary foods. The next day Gross Leech pops up, I have no clue where she got it. Or even why have it with us,” sixth-grader Menso Hosenscheißer said.

   MBMS pre-algebra and algebra teacher, Mrs. Taylor, is a hardworking teacher who always makes a point to connect with her students through classwork or extracurriculars such as NJHS [National Junior Honor Society].

   Recently, she's taken in a pet skunk that snuck into her snack cart unknowingly during her recent concession stand at a varsity baseball game. The skunk was hostile and frightened at first, but due to Mrs. Taylor's determination to take care of and feed the skunk just like any of her other students, she quickly introduced Stinky to the school.

   “Honestly, the skunk is very cute and soft,” seventh-grader Emily Jewels said. “But, its so fat and always stealing food, and recently, he sprayed a student during class for no reason at all. It smelt so bad, and our eyes began to water. We had to go to the library for the rest of class. I have no idea why Mrs. Taylor would decide to adopt a skunk.”

   Many students face the same dilemma, and some have come to resent the class and the skunk. It serves as a huge and smelly distraction for everyone in her class.

   “I don't see a problem, Stinky is such a sweetie to have in class! He's an instant stress reliever and I don't know what I would do without him in class anymore,” Taylor said.

   MBMS elective woodshop teacher, Mr. Gasser, has always been tight about being safe in his class. He has never allowed for distractions to possibly endanger his students while they work with dangerous machinery.

   Recently, a strange new giraffe has made an appearance in his class. Likewise with Mr. Gasser, many people have to crane their necks just to look up at it. But just as quickly it made an appearance, it disappeared with no reasonable explanation. Many students wonder where Din-Din went, as it was quick to become a class favorite.

   “Some of my students tried to ‘rescue’ her after I told them I was a carnivore. Luckily Din-din was too tall to get out the door,” Gasser said. “Good thing I have tools in my class to help get Din-din out later.”

   Gasser suggests that the disappearance wasn’t coincidental and that he in fact, ate the cute new addition to his class. Still, he keeps it a secret from his students.

   “We all loved the cute giraffe. At first, it took up too much space, but he was cute to feed and make toys for,” sixth-grader Billy Bob-Joe said. “Din-din was a good distraction in class to avoid doing any actual work.”