PHOTO ILLUSTRATION BY J. JONES

Originally published June 6, 2025

WARNING: The contents of The Canine Comical are purely fictional and intended to be humorous, satirical. Readers are advised not to confuse them with real incidents. 

   Cookie Run Kingdom is a mobile game that has had a rise in popularity because of its lovable characters.

  Students who play the game have become addicted, mumbling things about “Musty Milk Cookie” and how he’s “So shiny, so strong”

  These students often gather and walk together, blocking paths and even whole streets. Chanting things like “COME HOME COME HOME” after spending their life savings gambling on an oven.

   “It happens more than you think.” eighth-grader Bruce Baguette said, who was once caught behind a violent horde, after somebody asked why Muscle Cookie gets so much hate.

 The incidents range, it can make a worthy excuse not to matter how late you are.

   Starting last year, MBMS started a tradition of the Famished Games with students of all grades, and teachers. They compete in challenges and see who will eventually become the victor.

   Everybody in the school is hooked, awaiting the news of what happened the day previous, it's all people talk about anymore. Teachers and Students finally have common ground they can be excited about.

   It's not on streaming services due to legal complications, but local new stations post and update the public.

  “I have never actually willingly sat down and watched the news until now” seventh-grader Giggleballs Jr said.

   These news broadcasts run late into the night, and the students after getting even less sleep than usual, but it's totally worth it!

   In Bulldog time, there was a lesson on kindness a while back, and one of the things they suggested was ‘rattle bapping’ with each other   

   Rattle bapping is just like rap battling, but instead of putting people down with burns hot enough to warrant a visit to the Emergency Room, you're supposed to put each other up, and give compliments.

   It was treated as a joke by many students. Just a good laugh to have among friends, pointing out how dumb the premise was. Until MBMS hired the Rattle Bap guy as our new crossing guard

 “He stopped me one time while I was trying to get inside the school,”  seventh grader Lucille Pneumonia said “I couldn’t think of anything. So I just ran the other way.”

  Students call him RB. RB regularly singles out students and challenges them to rattle baps before they are allowed to enter the school. Administration is currently working on the problem, but they cannot fire him right away.

   Until then, getting tangled up with RB could be your next scapegoat.

   After the recent success of the Minecraft Movie Starring Jackie Wite. Universal has already opened up casting for 2 Craft, 2 Mine, the second installment of the Minecraft franchise.

   There have already been several cases of young people being cast in the movie, such as Squinti McGee, who is playing a Wither Skeleton, and John Chalmers, who will be playing an Enderman. Both are former students here at MBMS.

   Most teachers, who are fans of the first film, would fully accept this excuse and welcome you into the classroom. Maybe you could sign a few autographs!