PHOTO ILLUSTRATION BY S.MAY VIA CANVA.COM

Originally published June 6, 2024

WARNING: The contents of The Canine Comical are purely fictional and intended to be humorous, satirical. Readers are advised not to confuse them with real incidents. 

   On June 4, Mrs. Anderson’s class constructed a make-up lab day for our DNA extraction unit. During her fourth-period class, one of her students broke the DNA beakers. As she was picking it up, she didn’t think much of it had happened many times before.

   "During my planning period, at around 12:20 pm, I was picking up the mess when I noticed the supplies

 weren’t cleaning like they normally would," said eighth grade science teacher Mrs. Anderson. 

The next morning, when the janitors got to school, the second they got near the science rooms, they

 realized something was terribly wrong. There seems to be some kind of green, slimy, nasty liquid on the

 science preparation room floor. 

   Extremely confused, the janitors decided to close off the room for the day. At least until they could figure out what to do. 

   As the day went on, students and teachers noticed a weird smell circulating around the

 school but were forced to ignore it. Later that day, the janitors went and brought the issue to Ms. Drew,

 since she was in charge of the safety plans. Immediately, Ms. Drew sounded the emergency earthquake drill alarm, notifying the entire school to evacuate the building.

     I'm not sure if you caught on by now, but our school was being attacked by zombies. 

   During the fifth period, after the alarm went off, we were all escorted out onto the football field to line

 up. A few teachers went and cleared the building, and all the classes lined up alphabetically and

 nervously waited for any news. 

   Meanwhile, the staff and anyone who was able to help set up emergency tables.  One student who saw

 a zombie said, “I watched a zombie bite into a random kid's head and eat its brain. It was a bit gross, I

 can't lie,” said eighth-grader Isabella Beverly. Some students were traumatized by these realistic-looking

 zombies, while others were calmly playing on the field. 

   Staff members were going crazy trying to figure out what to do. A team of adults closed in on the

 building after searching and finding that all of the zombies were inside. 

  Unsure of what to do, the office staff comes up with a plan. Since everyone knows that zombies hate red hair, we sent in a brave eighth grader. “I'm going to go slay them zombies with my red hair,” said eighth-grader Natalia Cervantes. 

   You could obviously hear the sound of zombies screaming and screeching. “SCREECH SCREAM AHH!

 (painfully)” said sixth-grader Zoe Smith. While everyone else nervously watched her walk in. 

   No one really knows what happened or how she did it, but she walked out of the school with a few

 scratches, only telling us that they were gone. The janitors and a few other teachers ran in so they could

 help clean up whatever mess would have been left in the building. 

Quickly after, the rest of the school went back to class. Only a few really knew what was really happening, while others were completely oblivious, thinking it was a normal earthquake drill. 

And everyone went on with their day! WARNING! Don’t bite people or turn into zombies, because that’s lowkey nasty or whatever. Stay clean!