SATIRE: Dad JOkes

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Originally published May 6, 2022

WARNING: The contents of The Canine Comical are purely fictional and intended to be humorous, satirical. Readers are advised not to confuse them with real incidents.

Have you heard the rumor going around about the butter? Never mind, this rumor shouldn't be spread.

The second your dad takes a big deep breath you bolt out of the room because you know what’s coming next. Dad jokes. Also known as Terror. Dread. Annoyance. And that extreme groaning sound that is made every time your dad thinks he told the greatest and cleverest joke in the world but instead all he really did was make a cheesy pizza joke.

“My dad constantly tells bad dad jokes at the dinner table every single night,” seventh-grader Jilly Jr. Jokenson said, "Never buy anything from my dad. Especially something with velcro. It's a complete and total rip-off. Just like his jokes.”

Not only are dad jokes annoying, but they’re incredibly bad jokes. It’s like whenever your dad tells a joke you just wonder, why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? Because it was two tired of its father’s jokes. And then you just relate to it.

“Personally, I love telling Dad jokes. Sometimes, he even laughs,” sixth-grader Hunt N. Chase said.

Some people love to tell these “corny” jokes, while others like to dig a big hole in the ground and slowly die. The big question is why don’t dads read the room? Well, that’s simply because dads enjoy embarrassing their children. It's a parent's "duty" to embarrass you. But teens are also such an easy target for dad jokes. Even though, the last thing a parent's teenager wants to endure are those terrible jokes that dads crack.

“6:30 is my favorite time of day to tell jokes, hands down,” Jeff Jokenson father of seventh-grader Jilly Jr. said, "It doesn’t matter what type of mood my children are in, I just go for it and let the jokes go wild.”

We all have at some point experienced that dad joke terror. It’s always inevitable, and there’s no escape. No matter where you go the jokes never end. It’s like a long-term bonfire in which you are constantly burning with embarrassment.

“I don't trust my dad’s joking stairs. They're always up to something,” Jilly Jokenson said. "I live in the middle of a dad joke cult. There’s even a pre-joke ritual for every time my dad tells a joke. ”

And to top it off, it’s crazy embarrassing! But despite this dad quirk, dads are the best. And although they might find the most inopportune moment to crack a bad joke in front of your friends, they do a bunch. And while dads are annoying and you might want to roll your eyes and smack your forehead, appreciate all of these jokes. Cherish these dad joke moments as much as you can, because soon you’ll miss them. Well, maybe not that much. I mean let’s get real, they’re still dad jokes.

"So to end this premium dad joke program, I say goodbye to the boiled water, you will be mist," Jeff Jokenson said.