COURTESY OF F. KOBERL VIA UNSPLASH.COM

Originally published January 24, 2023

WARNING: The contents of The Canine Comical are purely fictional and intended to be humorous, satirical. Readers are advised not to confuse them with real incidents. 

    In the pursuit of an elusive record, a MBMS boy pushed himself to the brink of physical and emotional exhaustion. Sixth-grader Matt Ress went to extreme lengths, shaving off his hair, in an attempt to conquer the daunting task of breaking the push-up record set by a former student in 2011. Unfortunately, his determination ultimately led to an extremely distressing end result.

   The push-up record had inspired a quest of determination for certain students in PE. The current record, set by a highly athletic eighth-grader, stood at an impressive 111 consecutive push-ups. The desire to outdo him and become the new champion sparked intense determination and became an obsession for Ress.

   Inspired by a vision the young boy saw after eating too much expired Mac and Cheese, the young boy decided to shave off his hair in hopes of making his pushups easier and quicker to accomplish with no hair getting in between him and success. With his newly greased up bald head gleaming, he hoped to gain an advantage in the pursuit of his goal. His newly bald head caught the attention of his classmates, who watched with a mix of confusion and concern.

   As days turned into weeks, Ress dedicated every spare moment to perfecting his push-up technique. He pushed himself to the limits of his physical endurance, leading to relentless training sessions and disregard for his overall well-being. Sleepless nights were spent analyzing push-up videos and seeking advice from PE teachers in an attempt to refine his technique.

   Weeks later, the climactic day arrived when Ress felt ready to challenge the existing record. Alongside 3 other students, excitement filled the air as Ress positioned himself 

above his push-up counter. With all eyes upon him, he began his journey to surpass the current record.

   Push-up after push-up, he powered through, his muscles trembling with exertion. Determination etched across his face, he pushed himself beyond the boundaries of pain. However, the combined toll of his extreme training and his body's fatigue proved to be too much.

   In a moment that would forever be etched in the memories of his classmates and teachers, the boy's arms ripped off. His relentless pursuit had come at an unbearable cost, as his physical limits were pushed beyond measure. Gripped by distress and disbelief, classmates watched as the young contender collapsed, his arms falling off besides him.

   Emergency medical personnel were immediately called to the scene, and the young boy was rushed to the nearest hospital with his arms on the side. The incident prompted a renewed focus on promoting the importance of safe physical activity and balanced competition. In the aftermath of this harrowing event, MBMS rallied around the young boy, demonstrating overwhelming support and empathy, as well as showering him with well earned medals. The incident served as a reminder that goals should never come at the cost of your own well-being.

   As Mr. Ress heads on his journey to recovery, both physically and emotionally, it is our hope that this story serves as a cautionary story, reminding us all to prioritize health and balance in our pursuit of personal achievements.