PHOTO ILLUSTRATION BY E. BRONITSKIY VIA CANVA.COM, PNGTREE.COM, ADOBESTOCK.COM 

Originally published June 12, 2023

WARNING: The contents of The Canine Comical are purely fictional and intended to be humorous, satirical. Readers are advised not to confuse them with real incidents. 

   "I walked into the kitchen yesterday and I said to my dad, 'Hey, I'm hungry.' Then, my dad said, 'Hi hungry, I'm dad.'" Tony Clock looked at his dad, regretfully, with the most disappointed look on his face, as his dad stood there, grinning back at him...   

   Dad jokes. They have always been a threat to society. Many people died of embarrassment from them. Not a lot of people survived. Those that did were traumatized for life, not ever wanting to face the world anymore, especially their fathers. Here is the story from some of our survivors that were willing to share what had happened to them.

   "Well, we were having dinner and my dad spilled his peas on the table," Ginger Vitus shared. "He looked right at me and said, 'Oh no, I have just peed on the table.'"

   Fathers all around the world tell HUNDREDS of terrible dad jokes. The consequences can be DEVASTATING.

   "Dad asked me, 'Have you heard about the new movie Constipation?' I was all like, what, no! Then he said, it never came out," Chris P. Bacon said, exhaling, as he rubbed his forehead, lowering his head in great disappointment that his dad would even attempt such a thing,  "Then he said, it never came out. Who even calls a movie Constipation?"

   Chris now hates the film industry. He can't walk past a theater without shivering and speed-walking past it.

   "My dad and I were going past the aquarium and he said to me, 'How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?' and he said ten tickles, like, what?" Iona Ford asked with confusion in her question. "Ah, tentacles," she said with realization, starting to shake her head.

   Iona is now scared of aquariums. She won't go near them. Octopuses especially scare her.

   "'Hey dad, can you make me a sandwich?'" Holly Wood asked her father, "And dad said, 'Abracadabra, you are a sandwich.' I just wanted a sandwich," she said in disparity.

   Holly now has an identity crisis. She also risks facing identity theft also. Who knew that something a dad thought was so innocent, was actually not. Dad jokes are nothing to laugh about

   "The worst part about this is that we're pretty sure dads aren't even aware of the crisis they started," Wood said. "And if they are, do they enjoy watching us suffer and hearing us groan? If that's the case, then you all should beware of fathers with their dad jokes."