PHOTO ILLUSTRATION BY G. ACUNA VIA CANVA, CODE BLUE NEWS, AND MEDIUM.

Originally published June 12, 2023

WARNING: The contents of The Canine Comical are purely fictional and intended to be humorous, satirical. Readers are advised not to confuse them with real incidents. 

     Recently, the Auburn School District has implemented a new policy: E-HallPass is now required to leave after an emergency, and students and parents were outraged. 

  “I  was left behind during a fire drill,” Eighth-grader John Chalmers said. “all because I ran out of hallpasses!” 

  This  incident has sparked rage amongst the community here at MBMS. However, the ASB and faculty members point out the   highlights of this system. 

  “We can keep track of students  easier.” Principal Blue said. “It keeps us organized, and this can help people exit the  building in a calm and orderly manner.” 

  Despite these claims, Blue refused to turn over the security footage from the day of the   fire drill, otherwise known as the “incident” by students.

  Not only do many people have safety concerns with this new system, the school has decided  not to increase the limit of passes per day, keeping it at two. 

  “We can’t have students screwing around in the hallways. It’s a way to make sure they don’t   overuse passes.” ASB president, Mucille Lartin  said. “It’s for safety and organization.” 

  The school has faced harsh backlash ever since this new rule was announced, especially from parents after “the incident”. “

  What would happen in the event of an actual emergency?” Mrs. Chalmers, mother of John Chalmers, said. “If a kid left without filling out a hall pass, would they be put back into the building?!” 

  Mrs. and Mr. Chalmers were both extremely upset over this, especially when the school responded.

  “Yes. In the unlikely event of an emergency, students have to fill out a hall pass.” Principal Blue said. “If not, they have   to stay in the building until they fill out a hall pass, or until the bell rings, no matter the situation. If they do happen to leave,   security will be notified and the student will be returned to the school until they can follow the rules.  No exceptions!”

  “This is OUTRAGEOUS!” An anonymous sixth-grader said. “This rule is insipid, and the most idiotic thing this school has ever done. And that’s saying something!”  

  From an anonymous survey, hundreds of students have expressed their opinions on this new rule. 99.9% of students said they were concerned about this rule (as well as the ability of the school to make good decisions.)

  “Why does it even matter? We should be more concerned about students’ safety, not organization.” seventh-grader Von Tron said, with similar things being said by several other students. 

  In fact, many believe it's actually a hazard, and have ben attempting to take legal action.

  Since implementing the new policy, Principal Blue has had his hands full with complaints, lawsuits, and threats, but he has one more thing to say about the matter.

“Live, Laugh, E-hallpass.” Blue said.