We recently published a study in the journal Child Development that explores WHY conflict between parents might lead to children's mental health problems. Here are some key points: 

What question does this research answer? Why is it important? 

We know that when there is conflict between parents, children tend to have worse mental health problems. This research sought to understand why this happens by asking three important questions: 

1. When parent conflict is high, do children have more fears of being abandoned by one or both parents? 

2. In turn, does an increase in fear of abandonment lead to worsened mental health problems?

3. Does a good parent-child relationship protect against fear of abandonment if there is high parent conflict? 

These questions are important because they help us design programs to help children after their parents split up or get divorced.

Tell me the details. How was the research conducted? 

We used reports from 559 children (age 9-18) whose parents had divorced or separated within the last two years. Their parents were part of a larger study to test a parenting program, the New Beginnings Program. We used statistical techniques called mediation and moderation analysis. First, we tested whether fears of abandonment explained the link between exposure to parent conflict and mental health problems. Then we tested whether children who had a strong parent-child relationship were less likely to develop fears of abandonment related to the parent conflict. 

What are the major findings? 

First, we found that fear of abandonment is one explanation for why parent conflict can increase children's risk of mental health problems. Specifically -  children who were exposed to parent conflict at the beginning of the study were more likely to report that they feared being abandoned by one or both parents 3 months later. In turn, children who reported higher fear of abandonment were more likely to report more mental health problems 10 months later. This was above and beyond what we would predict based on their earlier mental health problems. 

Were there any surprising findings? 

We were surprised that a good parent-child relationship didn’t protect children from feeling fear of being abandoned when there was high conflict. The reason this is surprising is because good parenting is a very strong and powerful protective factor for all children, especially after a separation or divorce. It is possible that even though good parenting is protective, it may not be enough to cancel out the negative effects of conflict.

What are the key takeaway messages? 

The most important takeaway message is that parents have a lot of power to help protect their children from mental health problems! One way is to work hard to avoid fighting or arguing in front of the children. Parents might start by picturing a protective shield in their mind. Then, they can remind themselves to put up that shield whenever they’re around the other parent and there is a chance for conflict in front of the children. It is important that parents be really careful not to say things that make their children feel caught in the middle, like they have to pick sides. This definitely includes saying mean things about the other parent ("your mom is so irresponsible"). But, it can be tricky because it is not always so obvious. It could be asking the child to pass messages (“tell your father this….”) or act like a spy (“who else was at mommy's with you today?”). It can even be something as simple as "So what did you have for dinner at your father's house? Pizza again?" Finally, parents can remind their children that they will always be loved and cared for.

What are the next steps? 

There are three important next steps. First, we need to make programs that help children cope with the difficult thoughts and feelings that come up when parents fight or argue. Second, we need to make sure parenting programs work to help parents stop the conflict. Finally, we need to figure out the best way to get these programs to the parents and children who need them!