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(Sharpe et al., 2016)
A Cross-cultural Experience
A Cross-cultural Experience
It was a cold Fall morning in Northern California when I decided to meet one of my best friends, Acacia, for coffee. Acacia is a female, Mexican American, and at the time of this story 26. We’d been close friends for a few years but didn’t get to see each other as much as we’d like- so I was excited. After we both exchanged greetings and updated each other on the current events happening in our lives, Acacia brought up some complaints about living in her parents’ house. This wasn’t the first time she expressed this kind of negativity- in fact, she brought up the gripes she had with her family every time I saw her. However, this time she told me that her Aunt had just moved in and took over her bedroom. So now, Acacia was sleeping in a makeshift “bedroom” in the breakfast nook on a cot.
This news astounded me! I immediately was concerned and confused about her family situation. I asked her about her parents’ thoughts on her living at home. She explained that her mom and grandma liked having her around to help cook dinner and take care of other things around the house. I took this as another red flag because in my family, independence was encouraged- and asking others for help was considered 'lazy' or even embarrassing. Then, I finally asked Acacia why she doesn’t 'just move' since she had financial resources to do. Her reply was something like, “I just need to be with my family”.
I can remember responding poorly to this information. I felt confused, and like my friend was being taken advantage of and manipulated by her family. I thought, “Why would Acacia’s parents want her living with them when she was 26 years old? Shouldn’t they let her explore her own life independently?”. I had been told my entire life that as soon as I turned 18, I was meant to move out of the house and take care of myself. It was looked down upon in my family to live with either of my parents after high school, and it was also frowned upon for me to give them any money or vice versa. The only logical conclusion I could make at that time was that Acacia’s parents were ‘using’ her or ‘holding her back’ from engaging in independence. The coffee date ended, and I didn’t feel like Acacia had any plans to leave her family situation (even after my horrible advice), or that she even really wanted to. It wasn’t until years later that I realized how culturally unaware, ignorant and self-absorbed I’d been.
It’s obvious that much like some of the participants in Wasson & Jackson study, at that point in my life I had a painfully low level of cross-cultural sensitivity awareness (2002). As a white person with parents who taught me very individualistic beliefs, I never considered that Acacia’s family was not the same as mine. I knew she was Mexican, but I put zero thought into how her Mexican culture might influence roles in her family, responsibilities and values. Instead, I was comparing her life to mine, and what I would do/want, even though we have completely different identities and values. Compassionate pedagogy practices ‘witnessing’, in which someone does not attempt to fix, give solutions, advice or prescription (Sharpe et al., 2016). If I had just taken a moment to be mindful, compassionate, and simply be a witness to Acacia, I would have been able to discover so much more about her. Instead, I crushed every chance for her to explain her collectivistic culture by blabbing about my own beliefs.
This happened six years ago, and I am glad that I now consider myself much more culturally sensitive to everyone in my life.
References
Sharpe, E., Mair, H., & Yuen, F. (2016). Fostering Inclusion and Belonging . In Community Development (pp. 27–38). essay, Venture Publishing . Retrieved 2024,.
Wasson, D. H., & Jackson, M. H. (2002). Assessing Cross-Cultural Sensitivity Awareness: A Basis for Curriculum Change Actions. Journal of Instructional Psychology , 29(4), 265–275.
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