Being Non-Binary in a Binary World
Table of Contents
Living as Non-Binary
What do those who identify as non-binary face as a result of their identity?
Family Rejection
"Everything was going to be fine and I was finally going to get this huge thing off my chest and it was going to be great and they’d respect what I was telling them."
...
“You should take it back,”
he added, to pretend like nothing had ever happened, that the conversation was dust that could just be wiped away.
Ben, like many others who come out as non-binary, was mistreated due to their gender identity. "82% of nonbinary adults faced emotional abuse as a child" and 53% were bullied.
Ben experiences what is known as a family rejection: the unacceptance or rejection of one's choice of gender by one's parents or caregivers. Due to the dependency of teenagers on their parents, this kind of rejection is related to unavoidable stress. Rejection often comes in the form of denouncing one's gender identity, pressuring one to change their gender identification, and even violence.
Family rejection is linked with a significantly higher suicide rate and drug abuse rate among non-binary teenagers. The effect also continues into adulthoods, according to National Transgender Discrimination Survey:
Project 1 Data: The Role of Friends and Family in Belonging
Of all the interviewees, they have all experienced belonging at some point at CMU. For many, this belonging came from friends made from their dorm community or clubs.
Some mentioned the importance of family in belonging.
"At home, you don't have to put brain power into caring about who you want to be, because your family will accept you regardless of your act" - A09
In I Wish You All the Best, Ben encounters belonging in their own friend group and while their parents don't accept their identity, Ben finds support in their sister and her husband.
However, friendship is not necessary for belonging. For A07,
"Belonging means being able to be in a group feeling comfortable, not being judged, and feeling like part of the group. He doesn't have to be friends with everyone in the group to feel like he belongs." - A07
Yet, some interviewees believe that finding belonging is the dependent on oneself. A15 believes that,
"There is a responsibility to get out there and find belonging instead of waiting for someone else to reach out to you." - A15
Some also put a time limit to finding friends, with A17 saying,
"People definitely stick to themselves here, so if you don't make friends early you're kind of screwed." - A17
Thus, there is a split amongst the CMU community as to whether belonging is an individual or community responsibility, a relationship that I Wish You All the Best explores as Ben initially isolates themselves at their new school until a new friend reaches out to them and helps them feel like they belong.
Conversion Therapy
“We’ll take you to the therapist we’ve been seeing, maybe he can help you work through some of the things you’ve been dealing with. And help you with this nonbinary business.”
Conversion therapy refers to the psychological therapy to changes one's sexual orientation or gender identification. They comes in the forms of aversion or faith based therapy. Not enough evidence supports that conversion therapy works. According to a systematic review done by a task force in APA (American Psychology Association), literatures affirming the effect of conversion therapy suffers from methodology problems.
Many, however, experience conversion therapy without willingly choosing it. Forced conversion is linked with grave psychological consequences, as reported in a recent study by Ryan et al.
Religion
“God doesn’t want this for you, Ben.”
...
"Mariam and I have had long conversations about being religious and nonbinary. "
The book showcased two possibilities of the relationship between religion and non-cisgender identities. In reality, they are often pitted against each other. This is prevalent against the Protestant community. Of Protestants in the U.S., 75% believed that gender is determined at birth. This number has unfortunately increased from 2017 to 2022.
Gender Structures and Norms
Misgendering
Dad spoke up first. “That’s a good joke, son.”
“You’re our son, Ben. This just doesn’t make any sense.”
...
“Ben. Can I call you bro? That’s not okay, right? I should find something else.”
“Sib is good,” I say. “Instead of bro or whatever.”
Being misgendered refers to the experience of being called the incorrect gender. It may seems trivial: it is just being tagged the wrong way! However, the problem with misgendering is that it does not just happen once. It happens over and over again. Imagine yourself in the situation when you are frequently called the wrong gender when you meet new people (or friends who do not care), and you have to decide whether you need to correct them. This could be at least mildly annoying.
A research surveying 410 American shows that on average participants are moderately embarrassed by being called the wrong gender, indicating that misgendering is a source of psychological stress. While, again, this may seem trivial, but stress adds up pretty quickly (CMU students usually know this pretty well). Misgendering is only an instance of microaggression: the intentional or unintentional behavior that communicates a negative attitude toward a certain group of people.
Non-binary people usually experience microaggression, which all relates to stress. For example, on the same day one may be misgendered, being reminded for using the "wrong" bathroom, or being commented for wearing "inappropriate clothing". These are all daily stress sources that a non-binary person is facing.
Bathrooms
CHOICE 1
CHOICE 2
What do CMU students say about all gender bathroom?
In our survey asking CMU students' perspective on all-gender bathroom on campus, We found out that a majority (10 out of 16) supports the existence of all-gender bathroom on campus.
However, a majority of our respondents reports that they feel uncomfortable using all-gender bathroom. We receive a few comments explaining why.
One comment mentions that people do not know the bathroom is, in fact, all gender. For example, the designated all gender bathroom in Wean's fifth floor is labelled "female". Another respondent points out that they are afraid of people sneaking into the all-gender bathroom for some other purposes.
Nationwide, only 19 states have some kind of legislation that covers gender-neutral bathrooms, and Pennsylvania is not one of them.
Project 1 Data: The Role of Environment in Belonging
What does belonging mean to you? For many of our interviewees, comfort with the people and the environment determine belonging.
"Belonging is a sense of comfortableness when engaging with environment (that includes people and physical surroundings)" - A13
"Belonging means that you can feel comfortable in your own skin" - A17
However, if an environment consists of binary gender options and norms or if people have stereotypical gender assumptions, this means that, by this definition, non-binary people would not feel as if they belong. This is even more true for those with gender dysmorphia, who feel disconnected from their gender identity and their biological sex.
Gender Data
Imagine you're a high school senior, applying for colleges through Common App. You're asked to answer some demographic questions and see this:
How comfortable were you answering this question? If you identify as male or female, this might be a simple question for you. But what about those who don't fall into one of these two options? What about those who are neither male nor female or are both male and female?
The application system, Common App, which college applicants use to apply for college, used to only offer the options 'Male' or 'Female' in the section in which applicants would indicate their gender identity. As a result, the official Carnegie Mellon Common Data Sets reports a binary representation of gender, labeling students as strictly either men or women.
Thankfully, the form that was shown to you is outdated - many entities such as Common App, a college admission application, now adapt a more gender inclusive form:
How inclusive do you think this form is? While it does provide more options for gender identity, legal sex is still restricted to either male or female. Thankfully, in the 2023-2024 Application Season, this section will change to include 'X', making it more gender-inclusive (Common App).
Non-Binary Representation at CMU
Despite CMU having no data on those who identify as non-binary in their common data sets, they have conducted their own research on the experiences of these people; however, this data is outdated. Hopefully, the 2023 Tartan Voices survey will have more updated insights.
This study examined the experiences of those with a different gender identity from their biological sex. 51% of those who are non-cisgender reported at least one harassment experience at CMU based on their gender identity.
When identifying the type of harassment those with a non-cisgender identity experienced, most of the harassment came from a stereotypical assumption or unkind remark.
The survey asked questions in regards to cultural responsiveness, cultural relevance, and belonging at CMU.
Those who identified as transgender and non-binary or LGBQ agreed with the statements on cultural responsiveness. Some examples of culture responsiveness statements were:
"People at CMU help each other succeed, support each other, and work toward common goals."
However, both groups were neutral for all the cultural relevance statements. Some examples of culture relevance statements were:
"It is easy to find people at CMU whose backgrounds are similar to mine and to find people who want to understand my experiences and struggles."
"There are enough opportunities at CMU to learn about the important issues and challenges that exist within my own communities."
"People at CMU value my cultural communities and our experiences."
What about belonging? While those who identified as LGBQ believed they belonged, those who identified as transgender and non-binary did not.