Dear fibro,

We've been living together for quite a few years now and not all of them were friendly were they? It took a while for me to stop wasting energy on fighting with you, to accept that, despite efforts and wishes to the contrary, that you weren't for moving on so we would have to negotiate a bit of a treaty, a plan to make living with you work better for me.

The thing is, as I look around social media I see the hurt and upset you are causing to some of the other people you moved in with. I also see a lot of hopelessness SO I decided I wanted to write you a letter to say something that may seem a little strange but will, I hope give a little light and hope to those people who haven't got to the place we have in our relationship. (So its more about them than you….sorry to burst your bubble of importance!)

What I want to say is thank you….yep thank you for the bad stuff that helped me find more strength that I thought I could ever have, for the struggles that helped me weed out who would truly support me when I needed it instead of only being interested in what I could give them.

Thank you for forcing me to take time to reevaluate things I was doing that may have contributed to me being such an attractive prospect for you to move in with. For putting me on a path that let me see my people pleasing was about making everyone else happy and meeting THEIR needs, even at the expense of my own!

Thank you for not being particularly receptive to all the many medications I tried to quiet you down. (I mean even tramadol only muted you….wtf!). If you had been I'd never have been referred to the Centre for integrative care and may never have learned the tools that helped us have a MUCH better living arrangement and, eventually led me to a new career path as a coach and as  my own boss after you put the brakes on my career in care.

Turns out that mindfulness helped me learn that you don't like stress and also when to have a rest so you don't kick off and throw a tantrum and over time other practices have helped me learn you like a stretch in the morning and you like to go for a walk.

I love that you both inspire and influence so much of my creativity, like this letter and the book, journals and even exhibited art I've made over the years. We never saw any of that coming back in the early days did we!

I love that there are friends I've made and things I may never have done without your impact on my life, cos I seriously doubt I'd have considered a zipline over the river clyde or an abseil off the forth rail bridge without them being for charity!

I could go on looking on the bright side and listing more BUT I don't want you getting cocky. As I said this is more about shining a light for those people who find living with you a struggle and especially those you've just moved in with, the people who need to know that you have only borrowed their hope and that they can reclaim it or find it in new ways.

Now I'm going to run a bath and put some of my favourite bath soak in it, because we all know you'll sleep better if I do that!

I'm sure we'll have another conversation soon!

From your boss!

Amanda