You

I've begun of thinking of art as a mirror.

Let me explain.

The songs we relate to, the shows we watch, the things that connect with us are simply a mirror, a reflection of us in some capacity.

You, a Netflix original, is a perfect example of that.

It is a story about Joe, a hopeless romantic who employs... umm... untraditional methods to protect

This Is Us

Few things set my heart on fire like a good story. I suppose that goes for most people, however I’ve become much more attuned to the structure of stories and what makes them compelling since moving to Hollywood a few years ago.

Recently, my girlfriend roped me into watching This Is Us, an extremely popular network television show that follows a family through every stage of life. I wasn’t sure what to expect, but halfway through season 2 I am so pleasantly surprised and, truthfully, in awe at how the show is able to seamlessly weave together so many broad themes in an authentic way.

Living in Los Angeles has changed the way I look at entertainment. I’ve lived with two actors. Read multiple books on CAA, the top agency in Hollywood. My Grandpa was an author. I’ve worked in sales and PR. Much of my life has been centered around narratives and stories without me even knowing it.

So when I watch a show like This is Us, I think about what it must have been like to read the script for the first time, how it was pitched to networks and the viability of it.

In any industry—technology, food and beverage, sports, entertainment—it is difficult to build something broad but also meaningful. “When you try to please everybody, you please nobody” rings true often. There are always exceptions, like the Avengers which appeals to a very broad audience yet maintains its integrity and wins with fans and critics alike (although I fell asleep 1/3 of the way through it. There is no superhero movie that should be 3 hours @ me.)

The same rule applies in technology. Rather than build for everybody, build for a small set of people and deliver them something they can’t live without. From there, it’s much easier to create additional products. That’s often the formula that even mega companies like Facebook or Amazon are born from. Start on a college campus or sell books online and be the very best at those things.

This is Us has nearly a dozen broad themes that apply to most families. In theory, a show like this shouldn’t work. Too many storylines. Too many characters with their own thing going on.

This Is Us balances the storylines of each character, the overarching narrative of the family, and the tone between serious and funny like an Olympic gymnast.

One great example of how the broad appeal doesn’t take away from the impact is how my girlfriend and I both see our own dads and their effects on us in Jack Pearson, the dad. Jack is an alcoholic, as is mine. Allison’s dad died when she was in her early 20s. Jack dies when his kids are 17.

Jack has both of us swimming through our memories about our dad for very different reasons. That’s only possible because they make characters like Jack multi-dimensional. Just as soon as you fall in love with one character they will do something that makes you cringe. That’s the beauty of it. These characters are neither perfectly good nor bad. They’re nuanced with their own set of issues that cause them to be the hero sometimes and the antagonist in other episodes. Just like me. Just like you.

Here are the major themes/topics I’ve seen through Season 2 episode 12 (there’s probably some I missed too).

· Drug/Alcoholic Addiction

· Sibling Rivalry

· Racially Diverse Families

· Competition for Mom and Dad’s love

· Adoption

· Foster Parenting

· Dead (Young) Parent

· Miscarriage

· Cancer

· Obesity/Eating Disorder

These are heavy topics. Integrating them thoughtfully and with the sensitivity they deserve seems impossible. Thankfully the acting is as good as the writing which says a lot.

…

As always, Kanye West makes me think. In his recent interview with David Letterman on his Netflix series, he said something that stood out to me. He praised an old Drake lyric who, despite being his “nemesis,” he has a lot of respect for. The line is this:

“I told my story and made his story.”

Not gonna get too RapGenius-y, but his story also sounds like ‘history,’ which is a cool entendre. Drake knows what other brilliant creatives understand; telling your story can sometimes tell a lot of different people’s story.

That’s exactly what we see from every character in This Is Us and what makes it one of the few remaining must-watch shows on cable television.

Living a Linear Life

This hike kicked my ass.

It was perfectly steep, each step feeling a little bit higher than the last. As I continued to climb up Mt. Si my mind hopped from one idea to the next and I began to think about the consistency and predictability of it all.

Not just the hike, but the trajectory of life.

Definitely not mine (lol), far from it. But, sane people.

Many of my friends are sane and following a traditional path. Go to college for something practical, get a job that pays decent, get promoted a few times, get married, have kids, buy a home etc. It makes sense.

I have this nightmare for many people I know and love that they'll wake up in their 30s and 40s and see that they went down that path they did because they thought it was the path that they should go down. They'll have lived this life of practicality and comfort only to feel that they didn't get to experience an all-encompassing life. By the time they make this realization they’ll have things in their life that can’t be easily reversed; spouse, kids, mortgage etc.

I’ve feared that feeling for myself as well.

Before I go any further, let me just say that this may be a nightmare that lives in my head more than anywhere else. Maybe this doesn't happen to most people and I'm totally projecting what I experienced as a child to every middle-aged person. I think I have enough anecdotal and hard data to prove it’s something that we should all at least consider.

My path, which has been a wild ride the last several years, may also just fit my personality better. There’s a lot of entrepreneur types that think their way of living is the only way. They scold anybody who has a job or works ‘for the man’. That is not me. I have friends who don’t think twice about some of the things that keep me up at night who I think will have fulfilling lives. Sometimes I think they’re the lucky ones.

So much of who am I is rooted in my desire to avoid a mid-life crisis. I saw the damage my Dad's mid-life crisis inflicted on him and those he loved and vowed to never repeat those mistakes. A lot of my choices are preventative measures to getting divorced and living a life soaked in regret.

Amazon founder Jeff Bezos (coincidentally, recently divorced) lives his life by a framework that resonates with me. It’s called Regret Minimization Framework. He talks about how it helped him make the decision to go forward with Amazon here and right below is an excerpt from the video.

“I wanted to project myself forward to age 80. Looking back on my life I want to have minimized the number of regrets I have. I knew when I was 80 I was not going to regret having tried this or trying to participate in this thing called the internet that I thought was going to be a big deal. I knew that if I failed I wouldn’t regret that. I knew the one thing I might regret is not ever having tried. I knew that would haunt me everyday. So when I thought about it that way it was an incredibly easy decision.

If you can project yourself out to age 80 and think what will I think at that time, it gets you away from some of the daily pieces of confusion.

I left this Wall Street firm in the middle of the year, when you do that you walk away from your annual bonus. That’s the kind of thing in the short-term that can confuse you, but if you think in the long-term you can really make good life decisions you won’t regret later.”

My favorite thing about this framework is it’s not outcome oriented. Whether we fail or succeed is not the point. Hopefully we find success in whatever venture or activity we do, but the process of utilizing our talents and pursuing our passions as much as we can is enough.

Jeff’s jump wasn’t too high-stakes if you think about it. He left a well-paying job on Wall Street, got seed money from his parents, and would have easily been able to rebound back to Wall Street if Amazon failed.

While Jeff chose uncertainty on his terms, not everybody has the choice, safety net or head start to go full-throttle on an opportunity like that. Some people are pushed into uncertainty before they may be ready to face it. Take my Mom for example.

In the midst of her divorce, my Mom was building her financial advising business. That job is hard enough on its own without the added pressures of dealing with the emotional and financial toll of a divorce and raising three kids.

It was in those worst moments where she was fighting for survival that I saw my Mom for who she was. I will always have that version of my Mom in my head when I see her. She was resilient, smart and courageous with the consistency of the sun rising in the east and setting in the west. She had been those things her entire life, but those traits would never have been on full display and at maximum impact without her undergoing significant pressure and uncertainty. She had to prove herself every single month until she was no longer fighting for survival, but thriving.

It is those phases of uncertainty we learn the most about ourselves.

My Mom is a special person. Not everybody has the talent nor natural feisty-ness to climb up the ranks in such a profession under circumstances like that. She never would have seen how capable she was of doing something so consequential without those unknowns in front of her.

As a result of her success she’s able to do incredible work with orphanages in Egypt. It’s changing the lives of hundreds of people. That’s probably not a thing if my mom and dad stay married and my mom doesn’t go back to work. Those are the things we'll look back at when (or if) we turn 80 and smile about.

I’ve tried to model my life a little like my Mom and Dad (and Step-Dad, Uncle and Grandpa too actually). Although building a startup from the ground-up (that rhymes, that's sick) is a risky and usually un-fruitful endeavor especially if you go full-time like I did, not taking the risk felt like a bigger risk than walking down a traditional path.

Rather than meet that uncertainty on life’s terms, I’m lucky enough to be in a position where I can confront some of those things my mom and dad have without losing a ton. I’m in my 20s and can afford to be somewhat ‘selfish,’ although it’s more like an investment in myself.

I've been intentional about a few things specifically.

1) Not getting married in my early 20s.

2) Exploring my passions deeply.

3) Front-loading my personal problems and embracing uncertainty.

4) Living somewhere sunny.

5) Expressing myself.

6) Taking risks.

7) Not limiting my talents.

8) Appreciating the things money can’t buy.

9) ‘Failing’ early and often.

10) You only have to be really right once.

My intention is not for everybody to start a business or replicating these values that I practice, but more so that people are open to the many possibilities that exist for their lives outside of what is considered 'normal'. Sometimes those things will make money, other times they won’t. Sometimes they’ll be an experience like a trip to a country they’ve always wanted to go to or going out of the way to bless someone with a meal or friendship. Those things will be internally fulfilling.

The problem is we don’t often see or fully realize our talents and strongest traits until our backs are up against the wall or we’ve had enough failures to narrow down what our niche may be.

There’s this podcast I’ve written about before called Dissect where a young dude breaks down classic hip-hop albums. He’ll break down each song extensively from every angle – narrative, beats, lyrics, artists background and motivations – and create an amazingly insightful look into music that already means a lot to people.

He may be the only person in the world who can do what he does. Dissect started as a side-project. He had played instruments growing up and studied classical music in school. He applied his knowledge of strings and sounds to his obsession with hip-hop and created a podcast so informative that it was picked up exclusively by Spotify.

I love stories like that, where people use their gift in the way only they can. Even though he could have made good excuses not to create the podcast – wife, new baby, a somewhat nasaly voice – he made it happen and created something so many people, including myself, treasure.

Uncertainty and creating co-exist. You can’t have one without the other.

Even on a ‘traditional’ path, there’s opportunities to start or do something small just to see what you can make of it. I promise, there won’t be any regrets afterwards.

Therapy

It was never explicitly said to me, but I had a few moments growing up that highlighted the importance of opening up. Or maybe more so I saw the repercussions of keeping things bottled up. It's not that hard to bottle things up – the past, childhood, insecurities, fears, wants – for days, months and even years, but the truth always has a way of coming out. When it does come out, it's destructive in the form of resentment, passive-aggressiveness or flat-out recklessness.

In a conversation I had with a friend recently, he was urged by his wife to see a therapist. He’d gone a few times and liked it, but felt there was a stigma attached to it. It was an admittance that there is something wrong. That you’re crazy if you go.

It's incredible to me that people still have this negative conation of therapy.

We have decades of programming from our parents, grandparents, cousins, siblings, teachers, friends, preachers, schoolmates, the news, music, books, significant others, colleagues, social media. We experience firsthand or from those closest to us (some more than others) death, addiction, anxiety, poverty, insecurity, lust, loneliness, shame, abuse, bullying, greed, mental illness, envy, anger. Yet, we're so sure we know how those things affect us?

I call bullshit.

Our brains are said to be way more powerful than a computer, but how much time do we really spend examining the aforementioned on our life? We're constantly distracted. We spend more time on social media (trying to reduce my Twitter time these days) than we do checking in with ourselves.

I’ve gone to therapy three separate times in my life and I'll tell you why.

I want to know me so I can be my best me.

When I have gone to therapy, I’m constantly surprised by how complex the mind is, the way it processes experiences, and how those thoughts manifest itself. These things are not intuitive. They are dug out of your soul. And if they're not? Like anything else in life it compounds exponentially over a long period of time. Maybe that's why so many people have an 'awakening' (or mid-life crisis?) in their 40s. They didn't take the time to find out who they are and what they wanted while they were still young.

What you discover in therapy is not always pretty which is why it helps to have an objective and complete stranger be on the other end of your vulnerability. I've felt embarrassed by things I've said aloud to a therapist, but I know I couldn't have told those things to people I care about for fear of judgement. If a therapist is doing their job right, they have no agenda other than to help you hurdle mental roadblocks (although like any profession there's therapists who suck at their job and don't do a good job of helping you do that).

With just how much information we're exposed to in today's age, I’m thinking people who don’t think therapy is beneficial are simple-minded, perhaps afraid to find out who they really are.

This is not to say therapy is for every person every single week. The reasons why we should consider therapy don't apply to everyone. I grew up in a pretty sheltered area so many people I know have dealt with those things on a less intense level than others. I understand not everybody has as many things to "unpack."

Therapy may only be for a season of life or a specific challenge. It's one way for us to get to know ourselves better. There's prayer, vulnerable conversations, meditation, writing and other forms of art which can extract what lives deep inside us.

Learning is great and all, but I've found that therapy helps with something even more important that we don't talk about.

Therapy is just as much about unlearning as it is learning.

Whether it be by nature or nurture, we inherit a lot beliefs and habits. We may go down a certain road in life because it's all we've ever seen or heard. That doesn't make it the best path.

There was a time in college where I felt very indifferent towards a lot of things in my life and it lead to me avoiding being upfront with people. I'll never forget what my therapist, who I saw about six or seven times, said to me that sounds so simple but made an impact.

"Honesty is a muscle. You use it or lose it."

It was a 'whoa' moment as I didn't think of emotions like muscles. It applies to being honest, but also being open, being real, being strong, being calm, being loving, being kind or anything else one can emotionally aspire to be. It takes practice.

Proverbs 20 says, "The purposes of a person's heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out."

It's easy, especially as we get older, to embrace indifference. We get lazy and stop being intentional. There's good excuses we can make about why we don't have time to exercise, go to church, write, show someone you care, search for a better job, pursue an idea or volunteer etc,. It's far easier to go about our routines and sidestep any possible "inconvenience." Indifference is a slippery-slope and right down the hall from bottling things up.

We are not meant to be indifferent or closed off, but live intentional lives.

...

I thought I was done with this post today until I stumbled upon a YouTube video that I smashed as soon as I saw the title.

Theo Von is a hilarious comedian. In this video, he talks about his relationship with his dad who passed away some years back. Theo felt a lot of resentment towards his dad for, most notably, having Theo when he was 70 years old. You can do the math, but just for emphasis can you imagine your dad being 80 as a 10-year old?

He opens up about the resentment he has towards his dad. It's sad. He admits he had some feelings he's not proud of. He's not beating himself up over it, just bringing those feelings to light. He's objective with his analysis of those years of his life as best as he can be.

Theo's transparency is inspired by his AA treatment. He's an addict who's sober. My Dad went through AA when I was in high school so I know a little bit about it; the 12 steps preach humility, surrender of the ego, acknowledgement of a higher power like God, taking responsibility for your actions and attempting to make them right, and self-reflection.

Perhaps we should make these principles more accessible to those who don't suffer from addiction given they'd benefit nearly everybody.

Projecting Success

The NFL Draft is one of my favorite events of the year. It's a life-changing event for the men drafted, seeing the fruition of all their hard work payoff. The authenticity of the moment they get that phone call, walk up to that podium and hug their mom while they cry is as wholesome entertainment as you can get.

While getting drafted in itself is a major accomplishment, the journey will be short-lived for most players drafted.

I didn't recognize about half of the draft picks from my Seahawks in last five years while studying up on previous drafts. They were guys who got cut in training camp, played on the practice squad or went to another team before their short stints came to an end. It made me think about a process I've been fascinated with for a long time - projecting success.

Having watched the NFL and NBA drafts for nearly 20 years now, I was thinking today about how often I've whiffed on evaluating prospects over the years. The answer: a lot.

Good thing is so has everybody else. The absolute best people in the world at drafting make mistakes every year. Belichick and the rest of the NFL passed on Tom Brady... six times. Two teams passed on Michael Jordan. The Hornets traded Kobe Bryant on draft night for... Vlade Divac, an average center.

There's a lot of similarities with angel investing and venture capital. Their job is to meticulously research promising companies and make bets in the best ones that align with their investment thesis. There are many investors, good ones, who heard pitches but passed on an Uber or an AirBnB. Uber faced massive legal hurdles. AirBnB had the same and they had a concept that seemed just so strange at the time. That was enough to scare a few investors off. Some VC's also may have doubted the market size, both of which were undefined at the time. As it turned out both companies were disruptors who would create markets. If you judged them on what the market was at the time, you would have missed out. If you judged Steph Curry for what he was with Davidson and not for what he could have been, you missed out as the Timberwolves did twice (and to be fair, no one in the world predicted Steph Curry would be as good as he is).

And for every AirBnB or Uber there are thousands of companies seeking 'unicorn' status that don't get within a sniff of those heights, even if they've raised a little bit of money and at least had an opportunity. Similar to the NFL in that regard. Many try, many even "make it," but few truly make it.

Many investors will tell you investing is about getting lucky. Drafting good NFL players is the same. Hiring for an accountant or a salesperson is the same. That doesn't mean you do any less homework, it just means that it's hard to project talent given the many factors that affect the success of your investment.

As I was thinking about who my Seahawks drafted, a DE from TCU in the first round, I thought about all the factors that will determine his success that are outside his control.

Scheme

Putting a statue like Eli Manning in the same offense as Cam Newton is a recipe for disaster. They're two talented but very different players. Each player has a body and skills that fit certain positions and roles better than others. Without putting a player in the right role or adjusting it to fit their skill set, the player will be underutilized and their potential not seen.

Surrounding Talent

It's not surprise that Case Keenum went back to playing like... Case Keenum after his exceptional year with the Vikings. Fielding two elite receivers, a strong tight end and an explosive rookie running back elevated Keenum to a monster year that placed him in the MVP conversation. The Vikings figured he benefited from a great roster and decided against giving him a fat contract. Did you see how he played this year with Denver, a team lacking consistent skill players? Like he always had - decent. The Vikings were right. It's no shade on Keenum, he's just not talented enough to overcome an average roster. Who you strap up your helmet next to has a big impact on success.

Coaching

The Patriots are on what I believe to be the most impressive run in sports history. In a league with as much parody as the NFL, they've been the class of the AFC for nearly two decades, winning six super bowls. Most people would argue they don't do it on talent because they don't have the flashiest athletes. It seems like every off-season they'll let one or two of their best players go. That player will sign a massive contract elsewhere only to be a shell of his former self with his new team. Belichick has a system, gets players who fit that system, those players excel in that environment, and then Belichick dumps them when they're about to get too expensive. A great coach, like Belichick, gets the most out of his players.

Culture

One scouting report on a player from this year's draft said he doesn't respond well to being yelled at. A guy like that is very susceptible to the culture he enters. He probably wouldn't fit with an old-school head coach who's gonna ream him for missing an assignment. The culture - which starts in upper management and bleeds down to the rest of the organization - sets the tone for what is expected of players. Some teams are more player friendly like my Seahawks and some oppose any sort of individualism. Many players have spoken publicly about playing for the Patriots and how it just feels different. A lot of the culture is attributed to the Head Coach and QB, who are like the mom and dad of the team. Most people will follow their lead. The Patriots have a lot of continuity there despite their riffs over the last few years. That's not an X's and O's thing, but makes a big difference over the course of a long season. People know what is expected of them.

Luck

And perhaps most importantly, good old luck. Do we think Tom Brady really becomes the GOAT if former #1 draft pick Drew Bledsoe doesn't screw up his shoulder early in the season? My guess is no. Brady would have sat on the bench and maybe never gotten a chance to play in New England. If he doesn't play in New England, what's to say a 6th round choice like him lands on another roster where he can compete for a starting job? Not likely Tom Brady becomes the Tom Brady we know today. A lot of dominoes had to fall his way just to get an opportunity let alone play on a team perfectly suited for a young quarterback ready to win a championship.

...

And these are just the exterior factors a player faces, not taking into account what they can control - talent level, work ethic, coachability and resiliency.

So many of these things must go right for an "average" player to stay in the league. Perhaps the truly elite players can rise about negative exterior forces - a 2013 Josh Gordon kind of talent - but players can be bottlenecked by their surrounding cast. A receiver depends on an o-line to protect his quarterback and his quarterback to get him the ball at the right time in the right spot.

A lot must go right to have a good career in the NFL.

It's not as easy as teams picking the best athletes with the best 40 times. Just as with startups, it's not only the Stanford or Harvard-founded companies that succeed. While that kind of '1st-round' talent is given more opportunities to succeed (access to funding, "talent"), underdogs have a grit that isn't taught in school nor shows up on any test. They have a chip on their shoulder that manifests itself in the form of intensity, competitiveness and drive.

That 'chip' is one of the top traits the Seahawks look for. Their super bowl years were led by an undersized 3rd round quarterback, two undrafted receivers and two elite defensive backs drafted in the 5th round. These guys were all doubted, all had something to prove. They knew they were better than their draft grade. I wrote about how we talk about being 'cocky' a few posts ago and it really applies here. Cocky and arrogant are probably the first two words non-Seahawk fans associate with fifth round pick, Richard Sherman. Following those words are accomplished, elite, pro bowl, all-pro and potentially, hall of famer.

Just to show how wrong people can be at assessing talent, especially from the outside, the Seahawks were given an 'F' draft grade by a Bleacher Report writer from their epic 2012 class. That draft resulted in 2 potential hall of famers - Russell Wilson and stud linebacker Bobby Wagner.

It's why we have to be careful judging potential hires, startups, spouses solely based on talent/resume/measurables.

Talent doesn't always translate to production.

While I'll reserve judgement on the Seahawks draft this year (I think we done good though) until I see them play in the NFL, what I hope is that we got a few guys who will respond to coaching and our culture, they have an opportunity to prove themselves, and have the will to fight adversity when it inevitably comes.

Paul’s Happy Page

When I'm intentional about investing in my soul, mind and body, I'm able to deliver a much better me to the world.

I found out a lot about myself through hanging out with my Grandpa at the end of his life. As I saw what it looked like to be in pain, to inch closer to death, I started developing routines and replacing vices that would build me into a better man.

1. Write one page, pray, drink a glass of water and just observing the quiet or scenery in gratitude.

Don’t look at my phone upon first waking up. If I'm looking at my phone so quickly I need to wake up earlier. If I need to wake up earlier that probably means I need to go to bed earlier.

2. My breakfast. I eat the same fatty breakfast every morning. Keeps me full and eliminates the 'what am I going to eat' conundrum. Been having the same breakfast for a year and a half as of today.

3. Reading. Start with the Bible and move on to whatever I'm reading for at least 15-20 minutes. Reading is a focused activity that requires discipline and is still enjoyable.

4. The Sun. It has a great impact on my mood and positivity. Sunshine to me is like water - need it everyday.

5. Playing basketball. Basketball helps me channel my intensity and competitive nature.

6. Lifting weights improves confidence. Pushing myself physically is more about strengthening my mind than my body.

7. Creating. Writing, videos, selling, teaching, coaching, business plans. I believe God wants me to express my thoughts and creativity.

8. Good conversation. Talking with people who can laugh, but also vulnerable. Sharing ideas and understandings of the world.

9. God. When I spend time in prayer and at church, it shows. My focus is on the inputs of my life. I am comfortable with whatever outcome Jesus has for me.

Conflation Deflation

We live in an era where people live and die on extremes. Nuance is rejected and spun into one-sentence headlines that invite clicks and outrage. It's an unfortunate result of technology.

Whether it be sports, tech or political issues, I study narratives more so than specific issues. I want issues to be framed fairly so people can see issues for what they are: how there are trade-offs/pros and cons of every argument. That's a bit difficult with the echo chambers we see today on social media, most notably Twitter, as @Jack has mentioned frequently. Read five YouTube comments or scroll through a Twitter thread and you'll likely see conflating of issues that have no business being grouped in together.

Conflation is often from a lack of context

I've had a number of conversations - some about product, about sports, about the Michael Jackson documentary - where there are unlike data points and details grouped in together. The result is careless conclusions that take you down a rabbit hole that won't lead you anywhere.

I had a conversation with my RentHoop team regarding some data. It was from an A/B test that didn't generate amazing results, but was around what I expected. We had data suggesting that this was a tough metric to grow without additional resources spent on marketing. One of my colleagues deemed it an utter failure of the entire product.

While it was a possibility that the feature we were testing had more than marginal room for improvement, we had data in specific markets that showed the feature (and product) was performing well and was more correlated with the user base than the actual product; signaling, to me, it was product fit and demanded some juice on the marketing side to get to product-market fit.

That debate could more or less proven with hard data, fortunately. When it comes to bigger and more complex issues that don't have accessible and hard data, it's easy to intertwine unrelated points.

Considering half of conversations with my friends are about sports I'll pull an example from a convo I had recently.

Frank Clark was a fantastic defensive end for my Seattle Seahawks as recently as 48 hours ago. He got traded yesterday to the Chiefs. We hauled in a couple really high picks and saved a ton of cap room - the Chiefs gave Clark $65 million guaranteed.

As a fan, I hate to see Clark go. He's a freak athlete, a positive influence in the locker room and seems to have turned his life around. It's great to have those kind of guys on your team.

One of my good friends would point to me being on the side of the owners, rather than the players. He'd argue that I don't want Frank Clark to be paid.

What he doesn't realize is I want the best for my team but also don't fault players for pursuing their self-interest.

Earl Thomas' last years for the Seahawks were weird. He's an all-time great player and one of my favorite guys to watch. I have no problem with what he did, seeking a new contract before his current one played out. I have a problem with how he did it.

We make assumptions about things being more mutually exclusive than they really are.

Earl saw the way the wind was blowing, major cost-cutting moves by the front office, and wanted another big contract with guaranteed money. Who wouldn't?

He ran into the Cowboys locker room, after we had just played them, and told them to 'come get him.' It was wildly public and caused drama for the fans and the team. Surely he could have sent a text? A DM? He pulled a few weird moves like this before, unfortunately and ironically, suffering a season-ending injury. (He ended up getting $32 million guaranteed from the Ravens so can't say I feel too bad for the guy anymore).

We can have more productive conversations when we dive deeply into issues and explore nuanced opinions.

To Err on the Side of Cocky

I glanced at the television with a cold beer in my hand. The Dodgers were desperately trying to fight off the Red Sox and a consecutive fruitless World Series appearance. My good friend, an accountant at one of the big four, and his colleague from Seattle was in town so we met up at Te'Kila on Hollywood Boulevard to hang out and watch the game.

As our conversations progressed from catching up to our fantasy league, his co-worker brought up the Elon Musk interview with Joe Rogan in which Musk infamously smoked a joint and was clearly inebriated.

My buddy's reaction surprised me.

"That was so cocky."

I had heard and considered other reactions to the clip, but not his.

"He thinks he can just smoke weed in a public setting like that, that's so irresponsible."

I was caught off-guard. While I wouldn't be thrilled to see something like that if I'm a Tesla stockholder or SpaceX employee or partner, I thought almost the opposite.

To me, it was a remarkable act of transparency. Here is the CEO of two incredibly important companies and rather than project polish and poise, he displayed something we rarely see (but thirst for) from people of Musk's stature; vulnerability, authenticity and disregard for the 'rules' on center stage. I don't think its a stretch for me to assume that many high-powered executives do far worse things in the dark than smoke weed. It's no surprise the video landed favorably with many people who admire the maverick mentality.

I thought about what he said a little more and could get to the point where that was a reasonable reaction. Musk thinks he's above the rules. He has no regard for the many public relations crises he causes and if it was another CEO, smoking a fatty on a live stream wouldn't be seen as 'cool' by some.

I thought about this word 'cocky' and it made me think to a weird conversation in college.

I was working on a group project as a freshman at UW Bothell. It was four of us. One of the girls in my group said something that, like my friend's reaction, surprised me.

"You're really cool, but you have a dooshy face so I thought you would be a dooshbag."

'Doosh' doesn't exactly mean cocky, but it hovers around the adjective ballpark of rude, cocky, smug, arrogant, unpleasant.

I never considered that someone would see me and think something like that. I've always carried myself with confidence, was quiet and wasn't too social in my classes, that year especially, but I hadn't thought that I would be giving off a vibe that screamed doosh.

One last story and I'll get to the point.

In the Egyptian family I was mostly raised around, modesty is a celebrated value. Celebrating an accomplishment or the completion of a goal will undoubtedly rub some people the wrong way. The thought is people are insecure, envious and cannot handle someone else's success, even (or especially?) if it's family.

In my entrepreneurial journey I've had some exposure locally and nationally. The press provided external validation and strengthened that inner-confidence I've always had. And more than smarts or talent, it is sometimes unreasonable confidence that fuels great accomplishment when others quit.

It takes an unreasonable amount of confidence to believe you can do, be the best or create something important.

"Or use my arrogance as the steam to power my dreams

I use it as my gas so they say that I'm gassed" - Kanye West, Last Call (2004)

I push back on my friend's response to Musk. I can see that point of view, but it's a dangerous accusation that is overused.

Sports fans love labeling athletes arrogant or cocky, when in fact they are passionate about their craft and confident in their abilities or want to negotiate a better outcome for themselves.

I don't think it's arrogant that Le'Veon Bell held out for an entire year in hopes of a long-term contract for more guaranteed money.

I don't think it's arrogant of Musk to smoke weed during a live podcast.

I don't think it's arrogant that Tim Tebow wants to try and play major league baseball, even if that means he takes someone else's spot who 'deserves it more.'

I don't think it's arrogant for Steph Curry to have said he's the offensive player on the planet... before he legitimately became that.

I don't think it's arrogant for Kanye to think he's the greatest artist of this generation.

I don't think it's arrogant for people to start a blog, a band, a podcast, a YouTube channel, a business or any other form of self-expression I didn't list. Some think it's arrogant for others to think they have a voice. Whether that voice is credible or not is irrelevant to the fact that each of us have a voice and expressing it is a noble pursuit.

Is arrogance thinking the rules don't apply to you?

Even by that definition, arrogance is required to create change.

Uber and AirBnB are two great examples of companies that broke rules and used every ounce of leverage to force legislators to adapt to them. To some that was seen as arrogance. If it was, it was necessary arrogance that led to innovation.

Perhaps arrogance is thinking that there aren't consequences for actions, there are big outcomes from little work and we matter more than others.

I'm learning how to talk about myself in an authentic way that shows my confidence and accomplishments without coming off as cocky. In the past, I would have rather sold myself short (especially to people I don't know well) than come off as 'arrogant,' or I would have overcompensated if I felt like I needed to impress someone. I read an article today that put this in perspective.

The fear of appearing cocky prevents me from sharing my writings and personal life online. It probably prevents me from being more bold, putting out new things that don't land or won't be welcomed by everybody.

Maybe we need more cockiness. We need more people to think they have something of value to share the world.

THERE IS ONE WAY TO LIVE AND ONE WAY ONLY

Each moment/event/decision is independent of each other. Do your best right now without regard for the past.

This is nearly bulletproof and I'll tell you why.

Our brains play tricks on us. At least mine does on me. If I have one cookie, why shouldn't I have another? I mean I've already broken that seal. Why not have another one? Or last time I did this and it wasn't right, but if I do this the right way then I'll look like a hypocrite so I'm going to continue doing it this way to save face.

We have no control of past actions. Zero. None. They should be filed away in the Fuck-I-Can't-Go-Back-To-The-Future part of our brain, but typically those past decisions have a way of affecting us today.

The past provides us with context. With points of reference about what we like, what we don't like, what is good for us, what is not so good for us and much more. Most of us know the right thing for our lives. We know that apple on the table is far better than those delicious chili cheese fritos tempting us. Yet, we sabotage ourselves. My theory (although nerds will say hypothesis is the right word) is that we take the past too much into account when making decisions. If only we approached every decision and event as a clean slate, we wouldn't let the past burden us. We would have enough grace to forgive ourselves when we do have one cupcake and not let the fact that we had one earlier distract us from the fact that we are in control of now and what I eat now is irrelevant to what I previously ate. Now is the best time for me to make the best decision.

PAUL THE CARETAKER?

19 years old, I weaved through aisles of Buicks and GMC's with Chris discussing every spec and detail about our inventory. We did this every morning. Chris was a seasoned car salesman, in his early 30s.

I was a complete newbie. I didn't even know Chevy made Camaros when I got the job. For some reason, the sales manager hired me anyway.

Chris took me under his wing. He helped me develop a knowledge on cars and sales, the former I was clueless about. We had time to kill because our dealership had very little foot traffic so we talked a lot about life.

Chris and I grew up very differently. Myself, somewhat sheltered in the bubble that is the suburbs of Seattle, known as the Eastside. I remember walking the lot with Chris and feeling surprised at a phase in his life.

At one point in his late 20s he spent two years taking care of his terminally ill Grandpa. I remember seeing him through a totally different lens after that. I don't think Chris was given a lot in life, he had an edge that turned some people off, but his heart was bigger than most people knew. It was hidden under a lot of things. We spent so many mornings wandering the lot together that I saw through his aloof exterior. Even in my case, he made sure I was learning about the cars everyday and challenged me to be my best. He told me the story about his grandpa and I remember feeling amazed at his sacrifice. I wondered if I could make a sacrifice like that, in my 20s.

Fast-forward 7 years.

My Mom called to tell me how bad Grandpa's cancer was getting. The doctor gave him a 6-12 month prognosis. By the looks of it, that was generous.

She asked me if I would come up to Seattle to be his caretaker for awhile. I told her to give me a couple days to think about it. I asked my girlfriend at the time and my Dad what they thought. There were a few reservations I had. But, deep down, I knew what I had to do. I'm grateful both of them said words that are usually a selling point for me.

You won't regret it.

I followed-thru with that seed in my head from 7 years ago. I had no idea when or how or what situation I'd be in, just that it would be something I would do at some point.

From mid-November to April of 2018, I lived in Lynnwood, by my Grandpa's side, for whatever he needed.

My Grandpa loved to be taken care of. It's sort of a Middle-Eastern thing, or at least an Egyptian thing. The men like being taken care of. He was especially particular about the temperature in the house, the temperature of the water, the brand of fish and chips etc,. Because I spent so much time with him, it was always my goal to be one step ahead with whatever he needed.

It got to a point where I was so in-tune with what he needed that he would refuse help from other family members because he wanted my help. It felt good to be competent at taking care of someone. But, also was a sign of his dependence on me at the end.

He needed 24/7 care.

He would beg for me to not go to the gym or take a night off. I understood. We were buddies. He loved me. I loved him. He wanted me there for him. I wanted to be there for him. But, I'd be lying if I said it was easy. I had been a telemarketer making over 100 calls a day, in the office by 5am, and it was nothing compared to waking up 5-6 times during the middle of the night to attend to his needs.

It was simultaneously the most emotionally (and sometimes physically) demanding and fulfilling thing I've done in my life.

Watching somebody you love suffer is incredibly painful. The number of different pain killers he was taking and still crying from pain was just... heartbreaking. Listening to his cries and pain knowing no matter what I do, it cannot roll back the cancer, was draining.

Yet, I had to be as positive as I could, for his sake. Grandpa was a sensitive man, an author, a librarian, a man of the arts, and had an amazing feel for people's energy, what they were thinking without saying. For most of my time with him I was as upbeat as one can be changing diapers or waking up several times throughout the night to give him his medication. I like to think positive energy helped him enjoy his last months. But, there were times where I felt so helpless knowing the inevitable was getting closer. The only regret I have is not being able to hold it together just a little bit longer.

I had so many amazing moments with my Grandpa. Moments that I will cherish forever. Hugs. Watching old movies with Tyrone Power and Clint Eastwood. Helping him put on his socks. Reading the Bible. Praying. Crying.

There were a lot of tears. Occasional arguments. Looking back though it was all love. Even the tumultuous moments were filled with an overwhelming amount of love. He was such a sweet and gentle man. He had joy like a child. McDonald's apple pie and Animal Planet made him smile like a kid experiencing those things for the first time. Even in as much pain as he was in.

It was such a gift from God to spend that time with my Grandpa. And the advice I got from those close to me was spot on - it's one of the highlights of my life.

There are millions of caretakers, people who serve the sick everyday. As fulfilling as it is, it's an emotional roller-coaster. Their strength to do it day in and day out for an extended period of time is something I can hardly fathom.

I have so much I want to accomplish in my life. Since I was a child I've had dreams of being at the very top of the business world. My curiosities are vast - I love music, entertainment, sports etc. I still strive for impact in those realms, but there is nothing that can take the place of time with the people you love.

RIP Gidu.

THE MOTTO

Pete Carroll's life changed when he wrote down his philosophies on life. He boiled it down to one word, competition. His book expands on what competition means and examples of it on the football field and in real life.

I've always imagined myself taking what I know and live by and breaking it down to short snippets that I can use as affirmations and reminders. Haven't boiled my philosophies to one word yet, but here's a few.

• Our creativity and talents are derived from our childhood dreams, passion and experiences
• Seeking validation from creative work is like chasing the wind
• To be childlike in passion and joy is of God
• Being a man is hard
• Being vulnerable is what separates boys from men
• Ego is the main obstacle of man
• Everybody's got a story
• Starting the morning with a routine sets the day on the right path
• 20s are meant for exploration, selfishness in terms of pursuing ones passions
• 30s are time for settling down, building and extracting wealth (career-wise)
• Even if I start at 0 when I hit 30, I'd be able to make up for that by investing so much into myself in my 20s
• Reading a good book, writing, playing basketball and driving to good music with friends in the car are some of my most simple pleasures
• I rather go wide than deep in my 20s. Getting a taste of everything provides context to what I can go deep into in my 30s.
• There is only now. I can only make the best of this moment.
• When I believe in something I will do almost anything to make it happen.
• A healthy mind means a healthy body.
• Love and authenticity need to be at the center of every relationship and interaction.
• I need to tell more stories.
• I need to enable people to tell more stories.
• It's all meaningless [ref. Ecclesitates]
• Judging others by actions and ourselves by intentions is hypocritical.
• Know that by taking a non-traditional path you'll receive a lot of criticism. Accept it. Unless they pay the bills, they don't matter.
• Pain is a prerequite to growth.

DOCUMENTATION

The negatives of social media are really real and dangerous. Yet, my mindset on social media has changed following my Grandpa's passing.

Social media drives us to capture moments we can talk about. It can get out of hand and interfere with the actual moment, like at a concert where half of our thoughts and feelings are on the performance and the other half is on the perception people will have. I am not above this lack of authenticity, rather a servant to it all too often which is why I often try to reduce my camera time when there is a special moment.

Life is long. And our life is made of a lot of moments. Some of those moments we will want to live again, but will never be able to recall. Concerts, parties, jokes, hangouts, sporting games etc,. Our brains cannot hold on to all of them.

With that comes the need for a balance. Because, our minds are geared towards curating likes, comments and envy, documentation and presence/mindfulness are on opposite sides of the spectrum. There is a natural conflict between the two.

I'll never forget the time I spent with my Grandpa. The stories and memories are plentiful. It's a time of my life I will remember because it wasn't just peaches and cream, but there were moments of pain and trauma.

I dedicated more time to capture my Grandpa through Snapchat filters, videos, photos and voicemails knowing his time to pass could be at anytime. The tradeoff is having to whip your phone out and disrupt an organic moment.

Videos are something my kids will always remember me by, hopefully. They will know a piece of Grandpa without actually knowing him. A beautiful introduction to someone very important to me. And that is worth documenting and sharing.

As is other parts of my life. With friends, family and new experiences. Documenting milestones, feelings and snapshots of my life at that particular moment.