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Creating your own narrative – building tension and atmosphere
The situation
A boy explores an abandoned old house. He finds an old trunk which he is about to open. He hears noises and is scared.
Task
You are going to turn this situation into a passage of tense and spooky writing. Use the frame below to help you build up your ideas.
1 The boy arrives at the house
Build up a vivid picture of the house using interesting adjectives, and similes to make it seem spooky.
2 The boy hesitates before going in
Describe the thoughts going through his head. Use sentences with two or three clauses to create a feeling of flow, and questions such as ‘what if...? And ‘should he...?’ to suggest uncertainty and fear.
3 The boy enters and walks through the house
Describe his impressions of the house using different senses to create a vivid impression in the reader’s mind.
4 The boy sees an old trunk or chest
Describe the chest, using interesting adjectives to make it seem mysterious. Describe the boy’s thoughts when he sees it – show that he is curious. Again, when describing his thoughts, try to use complex sentences.
5 The boy approaches the trunk to open it
Try using some shorter sentences to describe his actions to create tension.
You can mix these with longer sentences to describe his thoughts as he moves towards the trunk.
6 He hears a noise and stops
Now you need to build up the fear as much as possible. Short sentences on lines of their own will help you to suggest surprise.
Use adjectives and adverbs to describe the boy’s reactions – you need to show fear though his actions and thoughts.
7 What happens next? You decide
You could end this with an amusing let-down, or continue with the mystery. Either way, try to continue using the techniques you have been practising. Think about the following:
Vocab
The house from the outside.
derelict house abandoned house shattered glass cracked window pane peeling paint faded long overgrown grass rustling rotting weatherboards rusty hinges cracked path piles of rubble guttering hanging
grimy windows bucket of slimy water door banging in the wind rubble of bricks splintered floorboards gaping hole in the verandah broken tiles rusty roofing sagging verandah cracked tiles overgrown bushes/trees collapsed chimney.
How would your character be feeling. Remember show not tell
pounding heart looked furtively sweaty hands walked cautiously hesitated change of heart
glanced around startled
Your character/s have entered the house. Describe what it is like. Think about all the senses. What do they see, smell, hear, feel.
Make sure your sentences connect.
Vocab
Try write 2 versions. 1) Include speech, complex sentence, question, simple sentence,
2) Adverbial clause (how) , complex sentence, exclamation, speech.
Adverbial clause (how) Adding a phrase or word that describes how the action was done by the subject
e.g. Jessica whispered to Tiana, "Look over there."
Tom tried to solve the maths problem
the boy sprinted down the field
the dog barked at the cat`
Smell
moth balls (old people)
toejam damp shoes
rotten food mouldy mildewy rotten cheese
rotting rubbish
Sight
cobwebs
crumbling walls
warped floor
smashed windows
shattered glass
tatty antique furniture
torn wallpaper
hanging portraits above the fireplace
creaking doors and floors
dripping
rumbling thunder outside
patter of pigeons on the roof
rats scuttling
possum in the roof scrambling around
splintered stairs
plaster crumbling in your hands
sticky cobwebs smothering your face
cold doorhandles
rough door handles.
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