I'll be adding to these as I learn things. I'm a slow learner, so don't hold your breath...
- Those who hoot with the owls by night, should not fly with the eagles by day.
- A helicopter is a collection of rotating parts going round and round and reciprocating parts going up and down - all of them trying to become random in motion. Helicopters can't really fly - they're just so ugly that the earth immediately repels them.
- Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.
- Trust your instructor... but keep your seat belt securely fastened.
- Any pilot who relies on a terminal forecast can be sold London Bridge. If he relies on winds-aloft reports he can be sold Niagara Falls.
- Good judgment comes from experience and experience comes from bad judgment.
- Aviation is not so much a pastime as it is a disease.
- There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing:
- Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.
- The only thing worse than a captain who never flew as copilot is a copilot who once was a captain.
- Be nice to your first officer, he may be your captain at your next airline.
- Any attempt to stretch fuel is guaranteed to increase headwind.
- The difference between a duck and a co-pilot is the duck can fly.
- A check ride ought to be like a skirt:
- Short enough to be interesting, but long enough to cover everything.
- Speed is life. Altitude is life insurance.
- It only takes two things to fly: airspeed, and money.
- The three most dangerous things in aviation (in order):
- A doctor in a Cessna.
- Two captains in a 737 or DC-9.
- On-board fire
- Aircraft Identification:
- If it's ugly, it's British.
- If it's weird, it's French.
- If it's ugly and weird, it's Russian.
- The difference between flight attendants and jet engines is that the engines usually quit whining when they get to the gate.
- New FAA motto: 'We're not happy till you're not happy.'
- If something hasn't broken on your helicopter ... it's about to.
- Basic Flying Rules:
- Try to stay in the middle of the air.
- Do not go near the edges of it.
- The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly in the edges.
- The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and a good bowel movement. A night carrier landing is an opportunity to experience all three at the same time.