I'll be adding to these as I learn things. I'm a slow learner, so don't hold your breath...

• Those who hoot with the owls by night, should not fly with the eagles by day.

• A helicopter is a collection of rotating parts going round and round and reciprocating parts going up and down - all of them trying to become random in motion. Helicopters can't really fly - they're just so ugly that the earth immediately repels them.

• Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.

• Trust your instructor... but keep your seat belt securely fastened.

• Any pilot who relies on a terminal forecast can be sold London Bridge. If he relies on winds-aloft reports he can be sold Niagara Falls.

• Good judgment comes from experience and experience comes from bad judgment.

• Aviation is not so much a pastime as it is a disease.

• There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing:

  • Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.

• The only thing worse than a captain who never flew as copilot is a copilot who once was a captain.

• Be nice to your first officer, he may be your captain at your next airline.

• Any attempt to stretch fuel is guaranteed to increase headwind.

• The difference between a duck and a co-pilot is the duck can fly.

• A check ride ought to be like a skirt:

  • Short enough to be interesting, but long enough to cover everything.

• Speed is life. Altitude is life insurance.

• It only takes two things to fly: airspeed, and money.

• The three most dangerous things in aviation (in order):

• 1. A doctor in a Cessna.

  2. Two captains in a 737 or DC-9.

  3. On-board fire

• Aircraft Identification:

  • If it's ugly, it's British.

  • If it's weird, it's French.

  • If it's ugly and weird, it's Russian.

• The difference between flight attendants and jet engines is that the engines usually quit whining when they get to the gate.

• New FAA motto: 'We're not happy till you're not happy.'

• If something hasn't broken on your helicopter ... it's about to.

• Basic Flying Rules:

• 1. Try to stay in the middle of the air.

  2. Do not go near the edges of it.

  3. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly in the edges.

• The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and a good bowel movement. A night carrier landing is an opportunity to experience all three at the same time.