Pinocchio

PINOCCHIO Just when ya think life can’t get any worse, ya get evicted from a swamp! 

FAIRY TALE CREATURE I really thought that ogre was gonna help us.  Maybe if we all close our eyes and clap really hard! 

PINOCCHIO Oh, grow up. 

FAIRY TALE CREATURE I won’t grow up! 

PINOCCHIO You’re thirty four and need a shave. 

FAIRYTALE CREATURES Whoa! Eh! That’s is low. 

PINOCCHIO What? Am I wrong? (Pause) Where to now?

FAIRY TALE CREATURE Forty miles north, they said. There’s a landfill with our names on it. 

PINOCCHIO Landfill?! Are you kidding me? What’s next a dunghill?! A septic tank?! How low do we need to go, People?! It’s time we stood up to Farquaad ourselves! 

FAIRYTALE CREATURE Stand up for ourselves? I don’t know. 

PINOCCHIO Now wait a minute! Maybe something better will come along, and we have to wait for it, because that’s what fairytale creatures do. We wait for miracles. We wish upon stars! Why my cricket always told me— 

FAIRY TALE CREATURE Aw, forget that cricket! If he was so smart he would’ve seen that windshield coming! 

PINOCCHIO No…no…We just need to lay low until this all blows over. 

FAIRYTALE CREATURE Lay low?! It’s too late for that! Down with Farquaad! 

PINOCCHIO Oh none of this would’ve happened if I was a real boy. Why can’t I be a real boy?