Family Wellness Tip

Life is difficult to navigate right now, especially for our children. It is hard to see your child struggle with deep sadness, impairing anxiety, or intense anger. The helplessness we can feel as caregivers can feel overwhelming. It can be painful to listen to or witness these struggles, particularly when you feel you're doing all you can and are overextended with all your other responsibilities.

There are some ways to help when you're feeling unsure about what else to do.

  1. Check in with your children every day

• Checking in with your child for even 15 minutes every day will do wonders for your relationship with them and will let them know you’re there for them.

• Listen carefully to them. It can be challenging not to and problematic to give advice, anecdotes, or interrupt.

  1. Seek support

•If your child’s level of isolation or other behaviors concern you, call your school counselor and/or doctor to discuss mental health support.

•Reach out to your community (friends, family, resources) for help. Silence can limit our knowledge and ability to help.

•If you have concerns about possible suicide risk, go to LEARN by Forefront Suicide Prevention at the University of Washington (LEARN steps are listed below). Recorded LEARN webinar below.

Poster above.

Webinar below.

LEARN how to help your child when they're struggling with deep sadness.

  1. Look for signs

  • Talking, joking or researching about death. These signs are often ignored

  • Feelings of hopelessness, depression, anxiety, anger, humiliation, or thinking you are a burden to others

  • Changes in personality, outlook on life, academic/work performance, sleep issues

  • Isolating from others, or from daily life

  • Increasing abuse of alcohol/drugs, reckless behavior, giving away possessions

2. Empathize & Listen

  • Listen with compassion. Show them you care by giving your full attention.

  • Acknowledge their pain and their feelings.

  • Don’t judge. Avoid ‘fixing’ their problem. Realize that their perceptions are their reality.

  • Use your own words to reflect back what they have told you, and say, “I’m really sorry you’re going through this.” “Thank you for telling me.”

  • Just listen. Those who have really struggled say this helped them the most.

3. Ask directly about suicide

Asking about suicide will NOT plant the idea in someone’s mind.

What to say when you ask:

  • Ask directly and calmly. “Are you thinking about suicide? Are you thinking about killing yourself?”

  • Or ask by mentioning things you hear the other person say:

Sometimes when people are...

  • Struggling with fears about their future...

  • Suffering a major loss...

  • Feeling hopeless...

...they begin to think about suicide. Are you thinking about suicide?”

  • Please avoid the phrase ‘hurting yourself’ when you ask. This phrase can be misunderstood.

  • This conversation may take some time. Be comfortable leaving silence in the air.

  • Be prepared to hear a “yes.”

4. Remove the dangers

Dangers to ask about:

  • If they say yes, ask these questions, one by one: A) “Do you have a time when you’re thinking of doing this? B) “Do you have a plan?” C) “Do you have access to the method to carry out that plan?”

  • Putting time & distance between someone at risk for suicide & the method they plant to use can save a life.

  • Lock up or temporarily remove from their home firearms.

  • Lock up all medications, including over-the-counter medications. Leave accessible a one-week supply.

  • In crisis, lock up belts, ropes, knives, chemicals.

  • Report troubling social media posts.

5. Next steps

Take action to get help immediately. Please focus on immediate resources first.

There are three tiers of help available.

Tier One - Immediate Crisis Resources

(Take your child to a hospital for evaluation OR Call 911)

Tier Two - Need Treatment

Urgent Need Resources

Tier Three - Need A Therapist

Local Providers AND home resources

How to make the call:

  • Connect with one of the crisis resources. Do this together with the person you are concerned about.

  • These resources are free and confidential.

  • A trained crisis counselor will listen until they understand the situation, then provide support and share resources that may be helpful.

  • Please put the appropriate crisis numbers (including the Lifeline and Crisis Text Line) in your cell phone now.

  • When possible, make this call on their phone, so the person you are concerned about will have the number in their phone, too.

  • Youth can also call a trusted adult, including a faith leader, teacher, coach, elder or spiritual healer

  • If they do not agree to stay safe, stay with them as long as you feel it is safe for you.