Family Wellness Tip

Mind...Blown

Mindset is everything. Have you heard that? It has been shown to be the case in so many different events. You've heard of people lifting cars off of loved ones. You've heard of people living many years after they are said they would. You've heard of a 13 year old creating symphonies. How is that possible? All are examples of a growth mindset. A mind with no boundaries. A mind being creative as it can imagine. A mind telling itself, "This is hard, but I'll figure it out if I keep trying." A mind telling itself, "I can't do this...YET." Do you want to be like that? Have less boundaries that hold you back from doing things you want to do. Do you want your kid to be like that? How do we get and keep a growth mindset? Let's talk.

How you view of yourself is everything. If you believe that you are who you are and nothing will change, that is the fixed mindset. Funny thing about having a fixed mindset is that you will want to prove you are right over and over, and never learn from your mistakes. Changing your belief will have a powerful impact. A growth mindset creates a powerful passion for learning, even when you make a mistake. It can be hard to change your view of a mistake. The key is to NOT let it be who you are. You are NOT a failure. You are NOT dumb. Do NOT assign blame to it. Do NOT shame yourself for a mistake. Do NOT change your goal. You are NOT the mistake. The mistake or failure is something that happened, do NOT hold on to it.

View the mistake or failure as a challenge. "Okay, that didn't work. Now what?" Keep all judginess out of it. This can be tiring. That is okay. Perseverance, stick-to-it behavior, is like exercising. You have to build up strength. Same for your kid. They will get upset or frustrated or embarrassed when they make a mistake or fail at something. The same statement above will work for them.

The power of YET is a great and quick thing to add. It is easy to add to any statement of yours or your kid's. "I can't do this. YET." "I don't understand that. YET."

Can you feel it? Can you tell how different it feels in your brain and body when you change your view? Your body usually relaxes. Your brain calms down. You start thinking of the mistake as something you CAN fix and you WILL figure it out. Your brain gets creative, thinking outside the box. There seems to be more hope.

Helping our kids isn't much different. Its pretty easy to change their brain. It mostly comes from easy comments OR adding a little something to the end of their comments. Praise their process.

  • "I can't do that." -> add "yet."

  • "That's dumb. It fell apart." -> ask "Now what?" OR "How can you fix that?"

  • Change "You're so smart." -> TO "You worked so hard." and/or "Look how much you learned."

  • "I'm stupid. I messed up on everything" -> "Everyone makes mistakes. No big. What did you learn?"

Books for Kids:

  1. Your Fantastic Elastic Brain BY: JoAnn Deak, PhD

  2. Nothing You Can't Do BY: Mary Cay Ricci

  3. I Can't Do That Yet BY: Esther Cordova

  4. My Strong Mind BY: Niels Van Hove

  5. When Sophie Thinks She Can't BY: Molly Bang

  6. Rosie Revere, Engineer BY: Andrea Beaty

  7. Bubble Gum Brain BY: Julia Cook

  8. The Grit Guide for Teens BY: Caren Baruch-Feldman

Books for Parents:

  1. Mindsets for Parents By Mary Cay Ricci

  2. The Yes Brain By: Daniel J. Siegel & Tina Payne Bryson

  3. Growth Mindset Activities for Kids BY: Esther Cordova

  4. Growth Mindset Comments BY: Roseanne Kurstedt

    • K-2

    • 3-5

Books for Adults:

  1. Mindset BY: Carol Dweck, PhD

  2. Challenging Mindset BY: James Nottingham & Bosse Larsson

  3. How To Fail BY: Elizabeth Day

  4. Grit BY: Angela Duckworth