Family Wellness Tip

Who's Shoes?

Walk a mile in their shoes is one way to say, "Are you thinking about how the other person is thinking or feeling?" Thinking about why the person reacted the way they did helps us respond in a thoughtful and kind way. This is not easy when you are upset or have made negative thoughts about the person. Take a deep breath. Close your eyes. See yourself sliding on their shoes. Step outside your own thoughts, feelings, and ideas to really see the other person.

It is not easy. People tend to be selfish and self-centered. It's okay. It's normal. It's about survival. So, how do I do put on someone else's shoes?

  1. Remain calm.

    • Leave the area if needed.

    • Take a deep breath.

  2. Ask yourself, "What happened to this person to make them react that way?"

    • No answer? Ask them.

  3. Be curious when you talk to them.

    • Ask what they are thinking & feeling?

    • Ask why they think & feel that way?

  4. Make time to listen to their answers.

    • Sometimes when we "listen", we think about ourselves. Things we have to do. How we feel. Things that happened.

    • Sometimes when we "listen", we want to rush. Interrupt to guess feelings, thoughts, or actions. Tell them to hurry. Give advice. Those things don't let us listen. They make us think about our needs, not the other person. Kids, and lots of adults, need time. They need to feel comfortable. They need to know you care to listen.

  5. Remind yourself that you are not the same as the other person.

    • We know this. We do. AND we still forget that someone else doesn't feel or think the same way we do. This can be even harder when you are so alike. It can surprise you. It's just a good reminder.

This is a great picture that helps remind me that we can see things differently than someone else. Same situation. Different views. We just need to spend time in their shoes to understand them a little better. I also love using this visual to help kids understand different perspectives.