Family Wellness Tip

I'm Sorry

Kids mess up and we expect them to make it better. We mess up and what happens? Do you admit your mistake? Do you ignore it and move on? Do you pretend the event never happened? The power of an "I'm sorry" or "You were right" to repair relationships is huge.

Is it easy to admit mistakes? Uh no. Is it the right thing to do? Yes. Even to your kid(s)? Yes. Are you supposed to be right or do the right thing all the time? Uh no, that would be tiring and superhuman and NOT POSSIBLE.

Hearing "I'm sorry" or "You were right" reminds people that we are human. It shows our belly and makes us vulnerable. Being vulnerable is not weak. It makes our connection with others stronger. Adults want it. Kids want it. It teaches kids that making mistakes is okay. It teaches kids how to respond when someone else makes a mistake. It teaches kids to bounce back. It teaches kids to make things right.

Steps to Apologizing:


  1. What do you feel bad about?

    • Find what it is you feel bad about. Be specific. Was it how they felt after? Was it your tone? Was it your actions?

  2. Ask if they are ready to hear your apology.

    • We want people to be ready. People are more forgiving when you ask their permission to talk to them. People won't always be ready when you are ready.

  3. Apologize

    • Be specific. Be honest. Be real.

      1. "I'm sorry for ___________."

    • Explain why this apology matters to you. Explain why making this right matters to you.

      1. "I'm sorry because ____________."

    • Changed behavior is the best apology.

      1. "I will try not to do that again. Next time I will do __________ instead. If I do mess up again, please remind me so I can be better."

    • No excuses. Excuses take away the apology you just gave.

    • Don't blame. Blaming takes away the apology. Blaming upsets the other person.

  4. Ask for forgiveness.

    • "Will you accept my apology?" "Will you forgive me?"

  5. Accept their answer.

    • We want them to accept. Sometimes they accept. Sometimes they don't. Manage your feelings about their answer, good or bad. This is another step in showing them they matter.

Apologies follow the same rules for kids. It is usually shorter and more to the point. Help teach them to apologize in a way that will get the best response. Show them how. Help them practice.

Apologies go a long way in repairing wrongs and repairing relationships.