Family Wellness Tip
The Moral of the Story
Ever noticed how a lot of kid's stories have a moral or lesson? Long ago people learned how to teach kids right and wrong...a good story.
Horton Hatches an Egg by Dr. Seuss is a favorite and great example. Mayzie is a bird who wants to fly off to better things BUT has an egg in her nest. She gets Horton, an elephant, to sit on her egg for almost a year. He is made fun of. He deals with horrible weather. He never leaves the egg because he promised he would keep it safe. Mayzie sees Horton as the egg is hatching. She wants her baby bird. Sad Horton is willing to give it up because it is, technically, her baby bird. When the egg finally hatches, it is a tiny elephant with wings. The baby goes home to the jungle with Horton and he is happy as can be. What is the moral of the story? Do the right thing. If you go through hard times, stay strong. The right thing will happen.
Most people miss what ol' Seussy-boy says at the end..."It should be, it should be, it should be like that." He reminds us that sometimes it doesn't work out, no matter how hard we're trying to do the right thing. Life can be incredibly discouraging and we do the best we can with what we have. We never know the outcome. The moral of our story? Do the right thing because it is the right thing to do. Kids learn from your example and the lessons you teach as they grow up.
Age: 0-6 years
Kids shape right and wrong through adults.
Kids know right and wrong by discipline.
Stage 1: Kids do the right thing to not be punished.
Stage 2: Kids do the right thing for a reward or have good come back to them.
How do I help?
Use discipline wisely.
It can be hard not to use the punishments that were used on you. People do what they know. We have to get the point across that the actions or words were not okay. We don't have to be harsh to teach right and wrong.
All punishments don't work the same for every kid. Frustrating, I know. We have to be creative.
Are they following from examples?
Am I yelling at them to stop yelling? Do I spank them for hitting someone? Think how to fit discipline and crime (so to speak).
Kids see and hear EVERYTHING. Do what you want them to do. Say what you want them to say.
Patience.
Kids want to do the right thing. They are trying hard. Sometimes it can take up to 350 times to get a skill right. Some skills come easier than others. Some skills come easier to some people than other people.
Age: 6-12
Kids get social rules of right and wrong.
Kids follow right and wrong according to their group or culture.
Stage 3: Kids do the right thing to be liked and have approval from others.
Stage 4: Kids obey set rules to feel good about themselves and their choices.
How do I help?
Praise kids for their choices.
It may not be how you wanted them to do it OR how you would have done it. Allow them some room to make mistakes. Pick out pieces of a choice that was good, creative, or well meaning.
Be curious and encourage critical thinking.
Ask about their decisions and process. Why did they do that? How did they think it turned out? Would they make changes?
Age: 12+
Ethical dilemmas being seen.
More individual ideals. Some clash with and some go along with society's rules.
Stage 5: Focus on society & community. The greater good for the most people.
Stage 6: Focus on personal set of standards.
How do I help?
Discuss social expectations and laws.
Get them thinking about the bigger picture. How things work out best for society. How things can fail some people and help others.
Encourage kids to think about where rules come from. Why people want others to act or say things a certain way? Why have social norms changed over the years?
Be curious and encourage critical thinking.
Ask about their decisions and process. Why did they do that? How did they think it turned out? Would they make changes?
*Ages are approximate. Focus should be more on stages.